New to posting myself but have been reading others for a while and now feel able to join in!
Very unhappily married for many years - hubby has had 2 affairs over the last few years, I have put up with it but now realise that it has done irrepairable damage and I can't and don't want to carry on any longer. Have become a really miserable person within the home when hubby is around, just don't want to share the same air as him really!!! and admit I can be very dismissive of his very presence and am very begrudging of spending any of my time either with or doing anything for him. I have said on many occasions now that I want out but he insists that we can't afford to run 2 homes as we already have credit cards nearly at their limit, and an overdraft that we don't seem able to reduce. I work part-time round school hours so do contribute financially. He is adamant that he will not leave, I don't mind leaving the family home - with the kids of course - but it's so expensive to rent, I have to admdit I can't see how we can manage.
This is now complicated by the fact that i have become emotionally involved with someone else. Nothing physical to date, but I would like it to be. I find this guy to attractive in every way - not particularly to look at, he is no great looker - but the whole package just so appeals to me. We have known each other years, went to school together, and have always got on well. When ever we have met up as adults through mutual friends we have always shared our problems and consoled each other. He is now divorced and has rebuilt his life into something he is very happy with, and when recently discussing how I am now feeling he confessed that he has always held a torch for me, and had wished things had been different between us years ago. At that point it suddenly clicked for me and I realised that I been denying to myself for years what I really felt for him.
Having spent quite some time reading through posts on here I am wondering if it is that case that I have been emotionally abused for years - as well as cheated on - although of course still try to deny this as it is a very unpleasant admission to make.
Obviously it can't go further with this other guy until I am free of my husband. He has stated that quite catagorically and neither of us wants to be labelled as a cheat, though maybe you could say that was already the case as we have had that discussion? Don;t get me wrong - he is not pressuring me into anything, I know that I want to leave hubby and start afresh, but am torn in that I feel it is so selfish to take the kids away from a family home, albeit not a particularly happy one, and have this stupid sense of loyalty to someone who doesn't deserve it, along with the fact that I tend to agree with hubby that we can't afford to split up.
What the hell do I do?
In many ways is probably an unnecessary post - all the answers are elsewhere on mumsnet in other posts; but I felt it was worth a go.
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He says nothing more can happen until I have left my husband....
12 replies
misbag · 26/07/2009 14:33
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