DH has left and wants to turn mortgage onto interest only

[namechange100]

should i agree? as it adds to joint debt in long run as he could use it to pay debts in his own name,

If i refuse it will prevent extra interest onto joint mortgage so thus protecting myself financially.

any advice?

thanks

[ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight]

Why? Have you stayed in the house? How long does he want it IO for? I would be inclined to say don't, unless there is a good reason.

[namechange100]

Yes I have stayed in house and he wants to use up freed up cash to pay for a short term let on a flat while we sorts things out.

he is currently in hotel in round corner

i just think what if things dont get resolved he has already said about doing this to mortgage.

[idranktheteaatwork]

I think his request is perfectly reasonable. Am assuming you have children? Then he will need somewhere to have contact with them that is comfortable and private.
He needs to have somewhere to live as well as you. He can't stay in a hotel long term and your financial arrangements won't happen quickly.

[SaBeatitudeLaPetiteBelle]

No don't agree,

Protect your own interests. Endowment mortgages are a risk which as a Lone Parent, you are not going to be able to take.

[mumblechum]

It's quite common ime (divorce lawyer) to do this short term until the two of you have decided on an overall settlement. I'd keep it under review, though, say in 6 months time which should be plenty for the two of you to sort out your deal.

Do you have solicitors? If not you can find a specialist family lawyer on www.resolution.org.uk

[SolidGoldBrass]

Don't do or sign anything without independent legal advice. Especially if he is involved with someone else and that is why your marriage has ended.

[mumblechum]

SGB, why do you think it's relevant whether he's with someone else? It wouldn't be considered relevant by the court unless they're cohabiting and even then only from a pooled resources point of view.

Agree though not to agree anything without consulting your solicitor.

Generally, it's sensible to temporarily go onto interest only while one party's renting as otherwise potentially the mortgage gets into arrears which buggers up both parties' credit rating.

[SolidGoldBrass]

Just a general awareness that some people can behave very, very badly to former partners when they have a new partner ie the H might be trying to get the OP to agree to something that will benefit him and his new DP at the OP's expense.

[namechange100]

Oh thanks, I am not signing anything for now I think as I know there is plenty for him to fund HIS descision short term

I am now in a different dilemas as to have him tailed or not I need to kkow whether there is another women involved he swaers o DS life and has said to others, but two weeks ago i would have punched anyone who said my DH would walk out.

I am seething, hurt and yo yoing from olive branches to tell him to F**K right off. Have had a terrible evening. I am too ashamed too say what I think this is about.

I am so hurt but know strangely I have it in me to get through. I not looking forward too next few months either way.

I feel like walking out on my life and I am heatbroken I HAVE a DS (3) am in bits. But he he is doing this to me.

What should I do. I am desperate.

[HolyGuacamole]

If someone else is involved it will become apparent soon enough. You sound like you need time to get your head around all of this. Do you have support around you?

[namechange100]

Well my mam is a 4 hr drive away. I have a couple of friends bu not lived here for long and I am aware that they both divorced so cynical.

I havnt been very good on txt or email but he has gone so I have vented. if this gives him excuse so what why wait if he was going to leave anyway.

I believe he has an online porn addiction. If I am wrong then it must be another women or simply he just doesnt love me anymore.

I am torn between giving him another chance (as I have raised issues defo for six months) or just drawing aline as I cant take much more.

Have barely kept it together for DS and I am devastated at prospect of briging him up alone ( and Iam froma single paretn famiy) I also whilst in a nice house in nice area I am stuck here (re legal stuff as i understand and market) and I am miles awat from parents

I hate him so much for doing this

[skidoodle]

I would not agree to taking on debt in my name to help out someone who had just walked out on me.

[mumblechum]

Skidoodle, no one is asking the op to take on the debt in her name.

Just to temporarily reduce the outgoings for both of them till they sort out their overall settlement.

Whether he is or isn't having an affair has no bearing whatsoever on the negotiations.

[skidoodle]

Not paying off the capital on the mortgage means they will both owe more for longer and this have to pay more interest.

Am I wrong about that? It just seems logical.

If I'm right then no, I would not be prepared to agree to that to help out a man who walked out on his family. I might reluctantly in an amicable separation.

If someone did that to me I would not co-operate in the slightest. I would protect my own interests.

[HappyWoman]

if the mortgage repayments are joint responsibility then i would have thought it would be sensible to be interest only for a while - you can then both see how your finaces go. And if there is any 'spare' cash you can always make sure you pay off your 'half' with your savings.

The way interest rates are at the moment it seems a sensible thing to do too. And if/when the market does pick up and the sale of the house goes through then the 'profit' can be shared between the two of them.

However if he is going to be providing the house and paying the mortgage he surely has a right to do it however he wants and has no obligation to pay off the debt any earlier anyway.

[mumblechum]

The amount of capital not being paid off in the six months that this arrangement normally lasts for is fairly nominal in a 25 yr mortgage.

One party not being able to pay any of their share of the mortgage because they're paying rent on another property means both parties' credit rating will be affected.

The alternative is for the husband to remain living in the house till the order's made by the court, potentially while seeing someone else which is hardly ideal either.

[TDiddyIsaMan]

my response is partly dependent on how many how much equity is in the house. Sorry to hear about all this

[skidoodle]

Fairly nominal would be too much for me.

The OP says there is plenty of money, so why should she lose out even "fairly nominally"?

[mumblechum]

Because life is shit sometimes.

The law ie the courts simply can not take into account either party's bad behaviour, adulterous or otherwise when sorting out the finances. Otherwise nothing would ever get sorted out, it would be endless "he did this, she did that" which doesn't move matters on.

All that matters is the arithmetic and making sure that the children don't lose out too much as a result of the parents' splitting up.

[skidoodle]

Well presumably if it's a court order her permission doesn't come into it.

At the moment he's trying to convince her to do this for his own convenience. His convenience would be nowhere on my priorities in this situation.

[namechange100]

Thanks

I must point out this is supposed to be a separation about having space - there are no legal proceedings and no talk of divorce.

BUT i am NOT funding his decision to leave as i do not agree with his decision. He works in finance so wouldnt dare default.

I have been to see the doctor today and she has told to protect my self financially. I.E. my salary goes into his account which I now dont have access to, and the child benefit is in his name.

I am chaging my payroll details so I get my salary. I have rung up to put in a rival claim for child benefit. I have applie for tax credits. He has walked out on us and while I am reeling from it I have to be practical.

Why should I help fund his stuio flat in city center when he made the decision. If he wants to sort out finances he my have to seek a separation order through family courts. Until then I am protecting myself and little one.

I have no savings, credit cards available to me. I never wold have thought he could do this so I am airing on the side of caution.

BTW He left because I challenged him about his lack of intimacy over the last two years, accessing porn on internet and found escort sites. He has run mile from his disgraceful behaviour.

I love him dearly but he is being so cold and detached I dont know if I want him back to work through what is seemingly a sex addiction. He has all the symptons.

Sorry but there its all out now.

[HappyWoman]

Think it is a good idea to protect yourself. If he has moved out then i dont think he can claim the child benifit anyway can he?
Whilst he is 'running scared' use his guilt to get as much for you as possible - sorry if that sounds harsh but you can always give it back to him later if you do feel bad.

A friend of mine did this and admitted to being a bit sneaky and used his guilt to get more for herself - she also thought he would be more than generous for a while but once ow got her claws in the maintanence stopped - yes legally she was owed the money but it did mean a default on the mortgage for a while.

Do everything you can to protect yourself and your dc. Tell council and get single persons council tax too.

[ABetaDad]

By paying only interest he will be minimising the amount of equity he puts into the house. If house prices fall the house may eventually be worth less than the mortgage and that is far more likely to happen on an IO mortgage than an endowment or repayment mortgage.