He's piling on the pounds

[scattercushion]

Hi All,
what to do? My DP - soon to be my DH (in Sept) is putting on loads of weight. It sounds terribly shallow but I don't want him to have a big belly in the wedding photos. I make healthy food in the evening but he has fry-ups and choc bars at work. Should I live and let live or should I comment on it? If he made any comments about my weight I would be furious (I'm skinny at the mo but who knows?) so it would be hypocritical. He goes to the gym but also drinks a lot at weekends.

[mytwopenceworth]

you could try something like,
"i just heard about X, he's a friend of so-and-so, he's just had a heart attack, he's only our age, can you imagine? really makes you think, doesn't it. Mind you, he wasn't very healthy, he was very overweight. I think we should make an effort and start eating healthily. I would be devistated if anything happened to you, wouldn't you feel the same? I tell you what, why don't i start coming to the gym with you, and we can both do healthy eating together, what do you think?"

do you think something like that might work?

[ninah]

scatterc, take a picture of him NOW! now it's getting warmer get him out at the weekend in a snug fitting last year T-shirt, snap him in a bad pose with a digital (ideally, then you can blow it up HUGE on your puter)
if he sees for himself maybe he'll be shocked

[scattercushion]

What? Me go to the gym? Gulp I could try it... Thanks for the suggestion. He's quite a head in the sand kind of bloke though so don't know if my argument would register when he's standing in the greasy spoon.

[scattercushion]

Ninah I did think of that last night when he was wearing a too-small t-shirt! Poor fella I feel bad now. But if that's what it takes!

[ninah]

Evidence is called for I think! my dp was shopping for a dinner suit, he rarely buys clothes and he told the assistant he was a 32 waist! PMSL
you could even blow it up a bit if you have Photoshop or is that just too cruel

[Toothache]

scattercushion - Has he always been heavy? Has he always eaten like that???

If there has been a sudden change in him then there may be an underlying problem. Could he be anxious about the wedding?

If this was a man posting about his wife there would be hell to pay!
"Help my wife is getting too fat and will look bad in our wedding photos!"

I mean, if its a health issue then fair enough, but if its just coz he won't be up to your standards in a Wedding photo then that is incredibly shallow.

I would find out why he's piling on weight first.

[ninah]

I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting your dp to keep in shape, I bet lots of
I'd make the effort and I'd like dp to as well

[Toothache]

Ninah - I put on 2 stone after 2 children. I would be distraught if my DH said to me before we got married "Don't you think you need to shape up a bit, you're going to look so fat in our wedding photos"!!

Would you be happy with your partner saying that to you?

My DH has never been overweight. He goes to the top end of normal sometimes.... .and is a bit flabby round the middle as he doesn't work out. SO WHAT??? Should I be dropping hints all over the place that he needs to get a 6 pack or I'll shag the fit gardener?

Talk about making someone feel insecure. I think if you start hasseling him he'll start eating more.

[Toothache]

er.. just to clarify... I don't have a gardener... let alone a fit one!

[hub2dee]

Yeah, not now he's chained to a secure bolt in the shed and only allowed out for exercise 10 minutes three times a day with madaaaaaame.



LOL.

[compo]

The only way he will lose weight is if HE wants to. You can mention it to him if you like but he will never forget the way you say it so tread carefully

[Toothache]

lol Hub2dee!

[Ulysees]

No pics dont' work, think men have some sort of special extra eyelid that covers over the belly bit My dh has seen countless pics of his and he still hasn't lost weight.

Dropping hints sounds a good idea, wish I could be so subtle

[ninah]

yes, well I should talk Toothache I am justpregant with no 2 and am like a big barrel already
Had to cut this short a bit (work, someone behind me!)
but I think lots of men feel like scatterc, as well
Dp oftens refers to pple 'letting themselves go' AAAAH
I don't think 2 stone is bad, in fact it's not realliy about weight I DO think it's more a case of the whole package, if you feel good you look good. Sounds like a recent out of character change for Sc dp which is maybe teh worry

[WigWamBam]

Being worried about his health is one thing, but being worried about him looking fat in the wedding photos is quite another. I am fat, and I did look fat in my wedding photos, and it doesn't matter one iota. My dh still loved me, no matter how big I was - still does, actually. I would have been gutted if he had been so shallow as to tell me that he didn't want me spoiling the wedding photos, and I can't see why it should be any different just because it's a man and not a woman.

It's how much you love him that matters, not the size of his waist.

[scattercushion]

Toothache - I see what you mean. It is outrageous of me to object, definitely. And if the shoe was on the other foot then Good to have a reality check. He has always had a phenomenal appetite - is built like a man mountain at 6ft 4in - I think he's been doing less exercise recently though. Seeing The Incredibles reminded me of him

It's also a fair comment that he might be comfort-eating. I ask him if everything's OK and he assures me that he can't wait to be married etc etc.. Is there anything else I could try to winkle out what's really up?

[Toothache]

I am actually in that so many women feel that its their place to pass comment on their DH's weight!!!!!!!!

I would hate DH to comment on mine. I think I'd actually hit him with the frying pan I was cooking my lunch in!

[Ulysees]

Frying pan, what's one of those???

No you're right we shouldn't comment on their weight. My dh is 49 and I worry about him, especially as it's more dangerous to have the fat in the stomach area. His dad is a similar shape and has diabetes which is diet related so I worry he'll end up the same. DIL lost weight and his bloods improved.

[Ulysees]

What I meant to say too is I like his looks it's the health issue that worries me. Can't be done with a scrawny man, blaaaaaargh.

[hub2dee]

Best way to help ? Do calorie burning activities together. Spend time together doing exercise in the morning / evening or weekend. Gyms are dreadfully boring (IMHO, but then I have a large waist and a fat ass, so take from that what you will). Walks at the weekend, tennis, cycling, swimming, ahem 'baby dancing' whatever floats your mutual boat.

[Toothache]

Health issues are a different matter and even that should be approached with caution!!

I'm losing weight now and DH is really happy for me. He doesn't give a damn if I'm never again the weight I was when I met him...... we still feel the same animosity and resentment for each other as we did then.

[Toothache]

You mean sex Hub2dee???

[scattercushion]

babydancing? Love it! Erm the phrase, that is...

[Sponge]

Yes but WWB your dh fell in love with you as you are and married you for the person you are which is fab. But scattercushion's dh is putting on weight and she's entitled to prefer that he wouldn't. However saying I'd like you to lose weight becasue I don't want you to look fat in the wedding photos is definitely out of order. I think all you can actually do is to make sure you eat healthily (and not too late) together in the evenings and perhaps suggest doing some kind of exercise together if you think that lack of exercise is contributing to the problem. Whether this kickstarts anything else rather depends on whether he sees it as a problem.

[hub2dee]

No, Toothache, I mean carrying a baby / toddler (the heavier the better) and going down the disco for a boogie.

You can do the same but ballroom styley but he'll never get slim enough for the wedding cos the pace is too slow.



It is a silly day on MN today.