Need urgent advice: 15 year old girl in a dangerous domestic situation
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(33 Posts)
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Gosh I just don't know where to start, I hope this doesn't sound too garbled.
I found out yesterday that a young cousin of mine ran to live with her father, she is 6 weeks from her 16th Birthday so her mother believes that there is nothing she can do. We are all utterly terrified for her, her father is a very dangerous twisted individual.
She has had very little contact with him her entire life, when she 6 weeks old baby he attacked her mother (whilst she was hold her) with a snooker cue that was my aunties wake up call that she needed to get away from him.
But his violence and derangement didn't stop there he stalked my aunt for years,threatened her, petrol bombed her car, had her beat up. He was also very very controlling.
One strange thing he would do was to make my aunt call her self a name that was very similar to his, I've just noticed on my cousins social networking page she has been calling herself that name!
He has also attempted suicide 3 times, been violent in many other relationships and been in prison and a mental health unit.
I can't stress how dangerous this man is and all the evil things he has done, he doesn't hit someone to hurt them he hits them to kill.
What can we do legally?
Personally I want to send her a message to let her know that no matter what I am here for her, call me any time day or night if she needs help and that if she doesn't want to live with her mum then come live with me.
BUT I'm also very tempted to tell her the truth about her fathers true nature and also how much she has hurt and worried everyone. But maybe that will drive her further away?
I so terrified that I will turn on a news channel at some point to see that he has committed a murder suicide with her.
Well why not send a message asking her to meet up for coffee on Tuesday or something or ask her to call you?
You can't tell her her father is a violent abuser on Bebo, you need to establish some real contact with her.
dittany I'm going to send her a message through Bebo I don't have her current mobile number because he got her a new phone and it seems she isn't to give the number out.
Family have only been able to contact her by Bebo.
I only vaguely know were he lives it's a 90min drive, and I'm not 100% healthy at the moment.
But I will be in the area on Tuesday for our Uncles funeral should i wait till then?
My DH really doesn't want me to go near him he is concerned he may attack me, but then she would see what he was really like.
I distanced myself from her mother about 8 months ago and moved out of the area. I feel that maybe I'm to blame for her being with him, If I had been around she would have came to me, I've really let her down.
Sorry, you're writing to her not texting. You need to tell her this stuff face to face so she can listen to the tone of your voice and see your expressions. Take a letter along if you think the message might get confused but you can't leave a young girl hearing this kind of thing on her own. If she won't see you then a letter is the only option of course I suppose.
I think it might be better to talk to her. Don't send her a message. Unless I'm misreading it sounds like you are planning on texting her. Ask her out for lunch or round to your house for coffee.
Hi thank you Solid and lisa for the advice.
Solid I've put off writing the message to her so far because how do you tell a child that type of stuff about her father. But I will be very opened armed towards her, she can tell me anything and if she chooses live with us. We know the heavy handed way won't work because we tried that when my aunt was with him, all that will do is isolate her and put her further under his control.
lisad123: haven't called SS yet because I know my family don't want them involved, but seeing how they handled it the last time showed me that they aren't the evil child snatchers that many believe them to be.
Tonight I'm going to try and find out his address and tomorrow I will call SS.
I don't live nearby but could call the police station in the area her father lives,the police did return her to my aunt the first night (but only because she was drunk and alone in the street late at night, unusual behavior for her) so they might be interested.
I think her school has finished for the summer but will see if they are open on Monday, my old Guidance teacher is now her teacher and was wonderful in supporting her the last time.
So my plan is to be friendly and open to her but tell her I'm concerned and offer for her to come live with us and call SS in the morning.
If that doesn't work then tell her the whole awful truth about him.
Bloody teenagers!
yes sorry to take sooo long, I did used to work for SS, and they will have records. They should have a basic outline on their compter systems although large amounts are normally on paper files. Yes they are open all weekend. Have you called?? Also might be worth calling your local police station (not 999) and asking for their advice.
She is still a child, still in need of protection and really dont see why it should be any different from her being a 5 year old in his care.
good luck x
TBH if he is this bad it won't be very long at all before he does soemthing horrible and scary in front of (and hopefully not to) the girl and she wakes up to what he is.
Unfortunately the more you and the rest of the family try to tell her how awful he is, the more she is likely to resist you - this is one of the things teenagers do. As others have said, tell her she can call you at any time, that you love her and will always be there for her - but try to avoid coercion and force.
dittnay your right, I feel like if I call her I might get hysterical thats why I'm trying to straightening out my thoughts here. Your right she is old enough I will send her a message and tell her the truth, give her till Monday if I don't hear back call SS.
Yes I would rather she did come to live with me, it's something I've hoped for this past year. If not she can live with our Grandfather, our uncle or my mum, we all love her so much, she is a fantastic kid, so amazingly bright and sweet natured.
Well I really don't see what you can do! My ex was the same, violent to me, but not the DC. He's been violent to new partners too and been to prison for it. But courts still say he should have a relationship with him!
What other option do you have? Just leave your number with her, it's her call
Ilovetiffany: Yes many were dealt through the legal system and many were not due to her being terrified. An ex-girlfriend has a restraining order against him and soon after disappeared with their daughter.
HOW CAN I LEAVE HER? He is violent to a such an extent on many occasions he tried to kill her mother. This isn't the type of man that gives his partner a slap or a punch this is the type of man that puts knifs to a womans throat or beats her wife a snooker cue. I'm terrified she will find out what he is like!
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