I totally understand his viewpoint though OrmiIrian, it was just a massive shock to him that mine was so different.

Neither of you can help how you feel. It's not fair to be upset with him for how he feels nor vice versa. As it happens I'm with your DP. I'd be more likely to stab DH than shag him in those circumstances

I used to be the same with my DH, in fact I would get cross if we didn't have sex everyday... even if we'd argued. Not quite the same 10years on, four dcs down the line!!

He'll get over it....

Abetadad, the funny thing is that things very improving in that dept until this all happened!

TD - I am coming to realise he has issues I think about how much (he thinks) I love him etc, we had a full weekend of talking/crying/some very uncomfortable honesty about a lot of stuff and I honestly think that we can build on this and move forward (and so does he). His sex drive is definetly linked to how much he feels valued and respected in the relationship.
It was him that wanted me to post on here about this, as he thought I was so so wrong. I don't think this issue in itself brought the problems, but was the cherry on the cake so to speak.

This is perfectly normal, IMO.

I agree with Jumente -me & DH have had this conversation before just switched roles. When were argueing he still wants sex but I dont see how he could want it if theres ill feeling between us. To me it just doesnt feel right until weve sorted our problems.
Its just each to their own I guess doesnt mean I love him less or vice versa and I would break up with DH over it.

Lilacclaire- it sounds as though DH is less self assured/less confident than you are. What are the subtle ways that you can reassure him? Otherwise, this will just keep creeping back into the relationship and spoiling your happiness as a couple/family.

Jumente - I think my dp is definetly the same mindset as you.

I didn't realise it would be a big deal at all, but I nearly had to scrape him off the floor!

He is very emotional, he has described me as the man and him as the woman before!! (NOT looks wise I hasten to add).

It doesn't mean I don't love or respect him, just that I might be a pissed off with him at the same time I happen to be horny!

I LOVE make-up sex, that's the best sex there is I must admit I enjoy getting DH worked up and then going for it. nothing like a bit of tension to liven things up ;)

Nothing wrong with that lol.

He has calmed down a bit, but has made me promise not to try it on when im secretly angry with him.....ok then

I must be a brazen ho then.

I think he should be pleased that you still want to have sex with him even when you're cross! Sounds very flattering to me!

Well this was definetly amongst 'other things', he seemed to think that I could go off and have sex with anyone and i wouldn't care about it. We've agreed that we just have different attitudes towards sex.
After 2 days of arguments, tears etc we've sorted a lot of stuff out, we have different attitudes about a lot of things and lack of communication has left a lot of crossed wires to be untangled.

I'm with Abetadad here - this is all part and parcel of this silly man's sexual dysfunction. There is nothing wrong with the way you feel, sex and love are not the same thing, both have their merits, they can combine, but both are equally good as standalone pleasures.

lilacclaire - I remember your post a little while ago on a similar topic and I am sorry to hear that you have not bene able to resolve things.

I think the discussion you had and the issues that have been unearthed have caused this arguement and his threat to leave. I do not really think it is just about what you said about being able to separate sex from your feelings.

He seems very unhappy and you are unhappy and arguements over small things can be a proxy for much wider and bigger problems.

Hope can work something out.

To be fair to your DH, some people can and some can't. But my gut feeling is that it is more important to address underlying reason why he is pissed off.

I am unsure about this. Firstly you can't help your feelings, but I would not want a partner to have sex with me if he was angry with me or having disrespectful feelings towards me - this has happened before and I assumed it meant he still loved me although he was angry - now I think he was just horny and I was willing.

However. No, if I was angry with my partner I wouldn't want to sleep with him. It would spoil it. I'd have to respect him and feel close to him for it to work that way. Otherwise just empty - sex could happen, I could 'enjoy' it physically but mentally no way - I'd feel really dirty.

Sorry Sex is so much more than physical to me. But if you are cross but haven't lost the love or crucially respect you hold for him, that'd be Ok I suppose.

I think he might be surprised as it is usually thought of being a man thing that they can shag whoever even if they don't like them.

I think there is more too it.

Talk to him and see what he says.

FWIW DH wouldn't want to have sex with me if he was annoyed with me.

If you wanted to shag someone else when pissed off with your DP, then he might have a point with the brazen slut slur!

From another perspective, I think he's a lucky man who's dp loves him enough to still want physical intimacy regardless of gripes and issues.

To me it sounds like a strong and healty relationship when viewed in that way as opposing one where a partner is witholding intimacy regularly, which is recognised as an abusive trait (n.b. in context!).

Making-up sex has got my vote for sheer energy and abandon!

I still want sex with my DH even when he is really pissed off with me, although he doesn't always oblige - which is fair enough!

Your DP is being over dramatic imo

Suggest that you give him a hug and ask him if/what he is really unhappy with.

I think that this is a sulk and there is an underlying reason why he is sulking? Is sex being used as a control tool?

I was under the impression that many men can separate the two. I am with you on this.

What a silly thing for him to get worked up over! I am very good at compartmentalising (sp?) i.e. I am cross about this, I am happy about this and so on, the seperate emotions need not get in the way of each other. Some people are really good at it, some are not although, in general, men are better at it than women it is not unusual for women to be very good at it too!

I agree somewhat with the drama queen comment

dh used to enjoy winding me up because he said I looked sexy when I was angry! I'm fairly emotionally connected with my sexual thoughts, but not always (I think this is more a male thing in general). But I do have a penchant for feeling horny in really inappropriate places - like in the supermarket

Sex drives are weird things IMO.

Is it that your DP is worried that you might go off and have sex with anyone because you can have sex without love? Or that you're saying sometimes you don't love him?

loadsa girls can have sex without love durrr its just a fuck
are there are underlying argument/relationship difficulties anyway with you two>

Personally when I'm arguing with DP & hate him I don't want to fuck him, but I'd fuck some random guy who I definitely don't love as a substitute! [disclaimer: I don't actually do this].

Nah you sound perfectly normal to me lol! Sounds as though he's just having a little male temper tantrum and sulk, he'll soon get over it

Purpleone, nooooooooooooooooo!

He's never said im a brazen slut btw!

even going through the worst period of my life and experiencing domestic abuse....i still wanted sex!!!

you are def not a brazen slut, (hope he didn't say that to you) but a healthy woman with desire and a mojo!

If the only time you wanted sex was when you were angry with him, I'd say it was probably not a good thing.

Although it seems that isn't the case, so I don't see a problem.

I don't think he should be horrified & you are not a brazen slut.

Deffinitely shouldn't be a deal breaker for him, if anything surely you are saying that despite being mad as hell at him, he still turns you on....

nahh u just fancy pants off him he should take it as compliment that you don't let arguemets get in the way of this.

<mutters about vodka and sleep and leaves>

yes, you are a brazen slut

Agree, sometimes tension adds that certain frission to the proceedings. Why else would people rate "make up" sex?

god no, in my experience at least half the population (and not just the male half) feel like you do.... ie can still have sex whatever the emotional circumstances. i would say you are very normal and he is being a rather camp prude to think otherwise.

in fact, some of my best sex has been when i've been really angry at someone, you can take out a lot of bad feelings in various different positions

nah - either there is something else going on or your dh is a drama queen of the highest proportions

whilst one might be surprised - to break up a relationship over it is a bit OTT to say the least.

i canhave a row with dh but still want to fuck his brains out

This is only from my POV, so will take any critisim.

Today (amongst other issues) I told dp that amongst other things that I can seperate sex from feelings, ie, although I love him, when im not happy with him at some other things and we're not talking, I still want to have sex with him.

This was a revelaton to dp and he is so horrified and thinks this is such a disgusting attitude towards sex that he is on the verge of breaking up with me over this.

He has asked me to post honestly about this, so please give me your opinions about whether i am a brazen slut or not.