I've posted about this before so I'm sorry if I'm repeating myself.
DP's brother's wife is the most negative and draining person I have ever met.
She is never happy, and always complaining about everything.
I have known her for two years, in which time she's had a baby (he's now 18mo ish) and moved house.
i have utterly run out of sympathy for her, and believe me I used to have loads, because I don't think she wants to be happy.
The hardest aspect of her tht I find is that she moans to the wrong people about things, IYSWIM. DP and the children and I used to live in a teeny tiny shoebox of a flat, and they lived in a much more spacious one (in fact, in the same block as I lived before that so I know exactly what a difference in space they had). She used to constantly bemoan their lack of space to me, and say that it was impossible for them to live in such cramped conditions and that she would only be happy if they moved. I found it quite insulting that she thought it was ok to go on and on and on about it to me, when we had half the space and twice the people in our house.
Well, they now live in a beautiful spacious 3 bed house, and all she does now is complain that it's such hard work and she wishes they'd never moved.
She has said to me on many an occasion that I don't know how hard it is being at home with a baby all day (er, ok then 
). I should point out that she actually only has him three days a week as both sets of GPs have him for a whole day each and her DH has to totally take over when he's home in the evenings and at weekends.
A mum at school, who is married to DP and his brothers' childhood friend, bumped into her the other day. Now, this is a woman with three children in a very cramped house, who has to work shifts around her DH to pay the bills and for whom life is quite a struggle. SIL whinged and moaned about her lot in life, and slagged off BIL (her DH) to this woman. This mum accosted me in the playground to tell me this and to say how shocked and upset she was that this 'spoilt cow' had nothing good to say about her life, child or husband.
I have pulled right back from her lately, I used to see her at least once a week but she depresses me and I find it really hard. However, she has been in touch lately asking if she's done anything to upset me. I have wimped out of saying, 'yes, actually, if you'd stop fucking moaning for five minutes I might want to spend time with you', but actually I'm wondering if perhaps I should say something to her.
Even when she texts me it's all doom and gloom, if you took her at face value you would think that nothing nice happens in her life ever. Everything is negative, if they have a holiday it'll be shit, it they go out it'll be stressful, she will put a bad spin on everything. We went away for the weekend recently to somewhere they had been and she regaled me with tales of what a crappy time they had there, before we went.
She has a gorgeous happy little boy and her DH is fab (he's my DP's twin) and I would love to see more of them but I just dread spending any time with her.
I have tried being upbeat around her, letting her moan on, offering her solutions to problems, but nothing changes. I think this is just who she is.
Any ideas? Or do I just have to grin and bear it?
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Need some help dealing with an Eeyore.
(22 Posts)ooh that was a bit long.
TIA if anyone manages to plough through it.
I know someone like this - friend not relative though so more easily avoided.
Can you tell her you are worried for her because she seems to be so depressed all the time? If she denies it you can explain what has led you to that conclusion - constant negative attitude to everything.
She doesn't sound depressed to me but that might be the kindest way in to telling her she is a moany cow. 
Wow... she sounds a bit of a nightmare RIMOD, I have to say!!
I do know people a little bit like this, though not quite as bad as she sounds. I however am a total wimpissimo, and would rather never say a single word to anyone about how they were behaving even if it was REALLY pissing me off (though I might snap one day and let it all come flooding out!) I have sat there and said nothing when a friend complained all about how hard her life is when I have been going through genuinely real problems, and said nothing.
Having said that, my advice to you would be to try to alter this situation if you can. I mean, she is your DH's twin's partner, it isn't possible to cut her out of your life. And it sounds like you would actually like to feel better disposed towards her.
Can you speak to your DP and see if he can approach his twin? Saying he and you are just a little concerned about her, that she seems depressed, that it's coming from a place of love etc?
Or can you try a similar thing with her? Not say what you really think (stop fucking moaning, for the love of God!!!) but something a bit gentler about how you're a bit concerned, you think her life seems good but she doesn't seem too...?
It's funny you should say that Slug, because I already have it in my head every time we speak.
I might try putting on the stereo next time she comes overand see if she gets the hint.
she wont get the hint behind the song. she'll moan about it.
tis nothing you can do with eeyore characters i'm afraid. these type of people are just like this.
when i am forced to spend time with them due to functions. i try and be cheery. then when i get drunk i am known to pinch their cheeks going "smile, i dare you", while laughing like i'm hilarious.
yes, i can be very annoying i think. but its fun, and sometimes they do actually smile and realise they're being a mardy cow.
<Deep breath>
I am sure people say this about me. 
Being happy scares me. Whenever I have been happy it has been taken away from me so it scares me when I do feel happy and I can't just enjoy the feeling. It makes me panicky.
I would meet up with her and have an open mind but ask leading questions to see where you get. She could be depressed, worried about something, enjoy the attention or any number of things.
Oh Fab I'm sorry if I've upset you.
But it's not just about her being unhappy, it's about how much she goes on and on and on about things that she perceives as going wrong for her, when in fact her life is quite charmed.
RidingJoker, I do that drunk jollying of people. I too think I'm hilarious. We'd get on great .
Notamumyet that is a top idea, I will stop her in her tracks and say, oi, we're talking about me here .
Dp has just said that he thinks she probably got a lot of deserved attention for her woe-is-me-ness ten years ago when her first DH left her for her best friend, and has been unable to give up the 'buzz' she gets from garnering sympathy from people. The trouble is people are getting sick of it now.
DP also says her relationship with BIL has gone along the lines of, when xyz happens I'll be happy. So they've got married, he's paid her debts off, they've bought a bigger house and had a baby and she's still not happy. He's very worried for his brother because he thinks her attitude is very destructive.
Reality, I too know someone exactly like this and boy, is it exhausting, so you have my sympathies. A tip I gleaned from a friend who's a psychotherapist is that it's easy to be dragged down by all the negativity - you have to stay positive and focussed on all the good things in your life, and don't shoulder their burden too. It's very hard not to, I know. But it's worth remembering. You have to protect yourself against the tide of doom!
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