Thought it was getting better . . .
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(152 Posts)
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Having been to an initial counselling session and H has been doing a lot more, making helpful / caring comments etc, I really thought maybe he is serious about change. Don't know if i'm over-reacting. Went to gp about urine infection and discussed home situation. Gp said he was just a "typical man" and I should "ignore" any nasty comments / ignoring me etc, and find something else to do. Even saying the thought of staying in this situation is intolerable, and the thought of breaking up the family makes me feel awful, and at times I feel like I just can't go on didn't really seem to register with her. She said marriage is hard and you have to work on it. Well I was almost feeling friendly to Dh when he came home (today was also better because after a week at home with "stress" he went back to work). Then I tried to phone a friend with his phone (on his say so) and he pointed out that he'd changed his pin. When I asked why, he went really cagey. Then this evening he went off to talk with a male "friend". He came back quite "chipper" and so I said "how did it go?" and again he got cagey and said "You know, the last four weeks?" and I said "well what about it?" and he was cagey. I got cross and said he was back to the same old s**t of not talking to me and he said "don't talk to me like that". The thing is, I know this person he has been talking to is not the most discrete, so tomorrow I imagine the school playground will be an interesting place to be. I'm so upset. He has been going on about me being open and so on with him, when he is keeping things from me just as he has always done. I'm very sad. Am seeing WA again tomorrow. GP was a church person and asked whether I wanted what I had said to go on my record and I said yes please. Maybe he's been right and I've been a bad wife all these years.
Hi! Shall check it out tomorrow (off to bed, should have been there already..) Have a good day tomorrow

lol dpr! I sent you a song
Just in case Whatanother's MIL or SIL are reading this -
LOOK AT YOUR SON/BROTHER
He is at best disrespectful and immature, at worst abusive. He sets kitchen timers to stop his wife getting enough sleep, runs up debts that she has to help clear, and makes his own children cry in order to make her feel bad.
So maybe you should cut her some slack. And give her some respect. And maybe you should give your son/brother the stiff talking-to which is the least of his needs.
OK?
you know I am restricted as to what I write on here. Do you have my email? send me a message
Well he can't make you be in a relationship with him if you don't want to. We're not in Victorian times anymore.
I hope to goodness you are seeing solicitors and making concrete plans whatanother.
This morning he asked very sweetly if I had slept well. I'd forgotten about the timer incident, because of then course I hadn't been woken up by it and so had had a relatively good night. Later I remembered it and asked if he knew anything about the timer going off at 12.45am. Of course he didn't. I seem to have woken up with a bit more perspective this morning - also have found that with all the cycling I've been doing, I've got a "waist" again.
H also gave me the "ins and outs" about a couple we know who have split up recently. Lots of info. . . When I asked him how he'd found out, he said the man he's been "talking to" had told him. When I asked him if he was happy discussing our situation with someone who so easily divulged details of other people's relationships, he started to say something, then couldn't!
And guess what, it's 12.44 am and a timer has just gone off in the bedroom. It would have woken me up if I'd been asleep. I wondered why the kitchen timers had suddenly appeared in my bedroom

. I'm sure he'd know nothing about it if questioned though.
Ok, well, today was hot. Decided to take DCs to park for picnic after school. When we got home, H was there and wanted to come, asked in front of DC's and then started crying because I didn't want him to. I told him to stop, he said no. . . . . So, I ended up making sandwiches for everyone, they went to the park while I went somewhere else on the bike to eat my tea on my own. Of course it was good on the bike in the sun,I did just under 10 miles in total, I found a nice spot to eat, ate, lay down and fell asleep in the sun for a good half hour or more, then woke up and cycled home, but . . . Why should I have missed out on the picnic? When I thought about him coming, I started crying uncontrollably. I told him I couldn't do this any more (again) and he said - "Yes you can, I'm going to fight" (again) leaving us at a stalemate.
I went out to see my friend's band play (on my own!) and sat there thinking "men are arses" for most of the evening. But better than sitting at home thinking it.
Just a quick post to say I'm away from all computers now till Monday. Hopefully I'll come back to some good news? I can see why you want to see Relate, because you're a person of your word. I do believe that once you've told the counsellor what's going on, he or she will be explaining to H that they can't counsel abusive relationships...
Re the telling him to go - would it be worth seeing if one of the church 'friends' will take him in temporarily? Not by actually saying 'absence makes the heart grow fonder'... Give you some breathing space?
Anyway, hope you have a good weekend, have compiled your notes for Relate (those examples you gave earlier would be good), and get lots of bike rides in.
xx
No it's not the childcare aspect. It's just that I said I'd try relate and I haven't done that yet. I have also repeatedly told him to go, and he won't.