Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

DP and I have finally split up after 8 bloody years am in bits :(

15 replies

mamadiva · 21/06/2009 13:38

Well TBH we have'nt exactly had the perfect realationship for about 2 years now but we've been patching it up for a few months then falling apart and going round and round like that!

Last night I finally said it was over and we both think it's for the best but we are both in bits.

It's like we love and care about each other but we just can't get on, can't seem to give each other what we want so there really is no point anymore

Makes it soo much harder because there are still feelings there but for the sake of us and for the sake of our little boy this cycle needs to end! I feel terrible because DP is moving into my mums on Saturday until he gets sorted and my DS who will e 3 on Friday will be gutted because he's such a daddy's boy.

Tears are streaming down my face at the thought of DP with someone else and at not seeing him everyday but we have been together since we were 14YO so I think it's just ran it's course but it will be massive change for all of us and it seems so sad that there is a little boy caught up in the middle of it all my heartbreak is for him more than me I think.

Sorry for venting so much I just need someone to talk to who won't judge and I need support to stay away from DP in a relationship sense as much as we would love it to work it just won't in the long term.

OP posts:

Report

cornsilk · 21/06/2009 13:51

((hugs))

Report

aGalChangedHerName · 21/06/2009 13:51

Have you had counselling MD? Would be worth doing if you both still have feelings for each other.

Seems a shame to chuck it all away if you haven't gone down that avenue?

Sorry you are both going through this

Report

sayithowitis · 21/06/2009 13:53

Is there no way this can work? Because it really sounds to me as though you love each other but have just sort of got out of the habit? DH and I have been together since I was 16 and we have both changed so much in the 30 odd years since then. We have grown up. Like everyone, there have been times when our relationship was not perfect, maybe not even that good. But the fact that we love each other so much has always helped us to work out the problems and grow together. Is there any chance you could get help? I have never used Relate but many on here sing their praises.
You might have made entirely the right decision, but I seriously urge to to think it through carefully because it sounds as though you are all going to be heartbroken and in that case you need to be sure that what you are doing is tight.

Good luck to you both.

Report

Disenchanted3 · 21/06/2009 13:57

Sounds like DH and I, I love him so so much, together 9 years, since 15 but we just cannot get along,

Some days I love him, Some days I don't like him at all.

I don't want to split, though sometimes it seems the most sensible thing to do

So sorry for you x

Report

cheekysealion · 21/06/2009 15:27

I have tears streaming down my face reading that

Dont split untill you have tried to sort it out... it sounds like there is still something there that could be worked on...
and if there is and you both want it then surely it is worth fighting for..

wishing you strength

Report

mamadiva · 21/06/2009 15:41

Thanks for everyone's advice, I just don't know if it's worth counselling etc.

We know exactly what our faults are and we've tried so many times to sort it out but it works for a while then reverts to the old way again.

I think we may have just grown apart now

We are both just tired, tired of having to work on things, tired of arguing, tired of the emotional strain of trying to keep it together so that our DS does'nt suffer.

OP posts:

Report

aGalChangedHerName · 21/06/2009 15:43

Do you still love him?? Then yes it's worth it IMO.

You 2 sound miserable over the split and if it were me i would want to know i had tried my very best to make it work. You may always regret not trying if you both walk away now.

Report

Lulumama · 21/06/2009 15:50

i think it can be harder when you are with someone from a v v early age.

the person you are now, is so different to the person you were at 14/16/18

thing is you might well be better as friends, amicable friends, with shared care for your DS than as a family, making each other miserable

there is no shame in ending a relationship that makes you sad

mabye though some time apart will be a benefit, allow you both to see things clearly and maybe reconcile?

Report

Bucharest · 21/06/2009 16:01

No advice MD, just wanted to send a hug...x

Report

mamadiva · 21/06/2009 16:03

I thought about that Lulu but he seems to think if he moves out then that's it.

We both still love each other but not in love if you get me. I guess we just got stuck in a rut somewhere along the line and it's ruined us.

OP posts:

Report

HolyGuacamole · 21/06/2009 17:21

Aw sorry to hear that mamadiva

It's very brave when you have been together for so long to be able to admit that things are over. At the same time, you don't know what's around the corner and maybe a bit of time apart will help you both to sort it out. Never say never etc.

Whatever happens will be for the best for you all and I hope you feel better soon.

Report

mamadiva · 24/06/2009 07:25

Hi everyone, just thought I'd check back in, have been in absolute bits the last few days still am. Feel like a bit of an idiot!

How can he jujst get on with it as though nothing happens and him moving out is nothing?!

We did both admit it was pretty much over but it's actually been finished since Saturday , I really do want to make a go of it and suggested he goes to my mums for a few weeks and just come to see DS when he can, and we could maybe just spend a few hours together here and there trying to build things back up slowly but he admitted last night he does'nt think there's much point because he has almost no feelings left for me in that way it's like I've become his friend more than anything else!

I really don't see how I'm going to cope with this not knowing because he wants to think about it but I just don't think I can wait not knowing everytime I see him it's like my hearts being ripped out and stamped on.

The irony of it all of course is the one thing that would comfort me is a hug from him and it's the one thing that would hurt me most so I can't have it.

OP posts:

Report

mamadiva · 24/06/2009 08:19

Why does this feel like the end of the world?

I just need someone to talk to but the one person who I want to talk to most is the one that's hurting me.

Thank god I have my son because I do not know what I would do otherwise, I know that might sound pathetic but honestly this is really getting to me now.

OP posts:

Report

Nahui · 24/06/2009 08:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

mamadiva · 24/06/2009 11:06

Thanks Nahui, I did think about going to my mums but unfortunately it just would'nt be practical because she has 3YO twins and I havemy DS to look after all day as DP (must stop saying that) works full time. So as you can guess it would mean uprooting quite a bit.

I guess I should make a start on how things will work practically with my son and I living here alone. It's the last thing Iwant to think about right now but must figure out how we will be financially at the end of the day he is my family now and him alone