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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Skeleton in the cupboard

16 replies

Cryptik · 15/06/2009 23:38

Ok, this is very hard for me to actually type out but here goes... I had sex with my sisters DP. That's it, out now. It was a long time ago, I was young, and drunk, no excuses really though. I'm starting to feel very paranoid. Every time I can't get hold of her (like at the mo), I think that she has found out and that will be the end of everything. We are usually quite close but sometimes she just doesn't return my calls/texts/emails.I have been trying to call for a few days with no response and am feeling really sad now. I know she is ok as our brother said so. I have thought a lot about teling her in the past but decided that it would be more to ease my conscience than help her, and as time goes by it gets harder. I just keep crying and I can't even tell DH what's wrong with me so he thinks I'm losing it. I don't know what I want anybody to say, I guess I just needed to get it out so sorry for the rant.

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PlumBumMum · 15/06/2009 23:41

Why would it come out now?
Did you cheat on your dh or would he just not approve?

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mrsboogie · 15/06/2009 23:46

You have been punishing yourself for what you did an nothing good would come of telling her now. Is she still with the same guy? Were you married at the time?

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Cryptik · 15/06/2009 23:47

No it was well before DH, I have never told him. He has got on well with DSis and her DP ever since they met. There is no reason why it would come rather than any other time apart from DSis/DP are going through a bit of a rocky patch and he may just throw it in to hurt her.

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Cryptik · 15/06/2009 23:48

Yes, she is still with her DP

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JudyBlume1019 · 15/06/2009 23:54

There is NOTHING to be gained by telling her yourself, and I expect he feels exactly the same way. If he gets on with you and your dp, then he'd have to be a psycopath to tell your dsis. Move on, forget it. There is NOTHING you can do to make it better.

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mrsboogie · 15/06/2009 23:56

He could do but you could always deny it - say he came onto you and you rebuffed him. you could say you never told anyone 'cos he was really drunk and you thought he was so out of it he didn't know what he was doing. His word against yours.

No point in fessing up at this stage.

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Cryptik · 15/06/2009 23:58

I know that you are right. I don't really want to tell her, it's just when I get weeks of feeling like this

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Cryptik · 15/06/2009 23:59

Good idea Mrs B

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mrsboogie · 16/06/2009 00:13

Its guilt.

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Cryptik · 16/06/2009 14:16

I was 16, does that make any difference?

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Hawkmoth · 16/06/2009 14:57

It makes the difference that it's very unlikely to have been your fault in any way.

Hang in there.

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AnyFucker · 16/06/2009 15:04

yes, it makes a difference that you were 16 at the time

how old was he ?

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Cryptik · 16/06/2009 23:46

he was 29 i have worked out

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AnyFucker · 17/06/2009 07:14

you were very young, probably manipilated by him

tbh, I think if he has any brain cells, he will keep his gob firmly shut

it looks a lot worse from his perspective...

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Extended · 17/06/2009 11:15

Oh dear this a sad story and one that I can relate to.

I had a long term sexual relationship with my sisters husband - before they were married or even engaged - and to cut a long story short we ended up living an an extended family unit (9 at the last count).

mumsnet.com/blogs/extended/2009/06/10/living-in-an-extended-family/

Too late now for you to discuss it with the other parties - at least in my opinion