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Need advice for my sister

3 replies

chickers · 12/06/2009 20:38

My sister has been married for 5 years. Its her 2nd marriage (1st lasted 6 months when she began to have an affair with her current husband). Obviously not the best start for her but she has gone on to have 3 beautiful kids with this man.
Last september I became aware that things were starting to go wrong for her I had just had a baby and she came to visit me ( I live 300 miles away from her ) She was really grumpy all the time, drinking heavily and kept leaving me to mind her little girl while she nursed a hang over. One night she stayed up and when I went downstairs to see if she was ok she told me that her DH was having an affair, that her marriage was a complete mess, that he had started to be physically abusive to her, that he was staying out all weekend from friday night to sunday night and she didn't know what to do.
She told our whole family and asked us for help to sort it all out. We have been as supportive as we can be helping her sort her childcare, listening to her, just being there. Over the past few months things have got much worse my sis and her DH are on a roller coaster. One week they are ok and the next they have enormous rows culminating with him walking out. She fell over last week smashing up her face and head needing a hospital admission (she was really drunk). He walked out again.
The whole thing is awful I feel despearte for her and her children. Her middle boy (4) is back in nappies as he is so stressed out.
We all feel helpless and want it to be over for her but its not that simple I know. how can we help her when she refuses to help herself and get rid of him??

OP posts:

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mrspnut · 12/06/2009 20:43

There is nothing you can do. If she knows you are there for her and you will support her then that is doing all you can.
The decision to leave has to be hers, and anyone trying to force the issue will probably end up being blamed for anything going wrong later down the line.

If you think the children are in danger then you do have a duty to report that to children's services but I would tell your sister first that you are going to do it to see if it gives her the wake up call she needs.

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poshsinglemum · 12/06/2009 20:51

She needs to leave him- fast.

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chickers · 12/06/2009 20:55

We all know she needs to leave him and this is a very destructive relationship but there is not much we can do but be there for her. We don't think her kids are in danger my parents have a very close eye on them. We just have to wait for the next crisis to happen.