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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Relationships

holiday fallouts with friends

54 replies

blowbroth · 04/06/2009 18:13

Is it just me or do other people fall out/argue at some point during a holiday with friends?

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moondog · 04/06/2009 18:14

I wouldn't take a holiday with them, therefore bypass issue completely.

What happened?

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HecatesTwopenceworth · 04/06/2009 18:15

Dunno, never been daft enough to go on holiday with friends!

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Fimbo · 04/06/2009 18:18

I can't think of anything worse than going on holiday with friends, it's bad enough trying to deal with the daily fall-outs of the children in our street!

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hatwoman · 04/06/2009 18:22

been on holidays with friends absolutely loads - twice a year for the last 10 years or so. the trick, imho, is, be laid back, don't expect everything to go the way you want and when they start niggling (which in all probability they will - they're human, you're human) just take a break. on no account expect to spend all day every day with them.

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RupertTheBear · 04/06/2009 18:23

We don't fall out, but do our own thing a lot, and don't see them for a good few months when we get back!!!

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Mintyy · 04/06/2009 18:23

I would never do it! Am amazed that so many people do, tbh. Doesn't it just add another layer of stress to an already quite stressful time?

I have two girl friends who went on holiday together with their dc and dps. At some point it all went pear-shaped, one couple abandoned the gite and went off to finish their holiday on a campsite. They didn't speak for at least two years afterwards .

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blowbroth · 04/06/2009 18:24

Well moondog, too long for all the detail but we were all getting along famously ( 6 adults,6 kids all under 1 roof) when out of the blue I was accused of being a bully and too organizing. This did come at the end of a lovely dinner with ,perhaps too much, wine.
It was on the last night and it really upset me though I had the support of everyone else.
We're all back home now and things are carrying on as before. MIL says she would never go with them again if I have to worry about what I say ,treading on eggshells etc. but we are good friends and this is about our 3rd. holiday together.

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Fimbo · 04/06/2009 18:25

I never understand people who go on holiday with rellies en masse either.

Going on holiday with my parents wouldn't be a holiday it would be a living nightmare.

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EffieGadsby · 04/06/2009 18:27

I probably wouldn't do it again. A friend of mine has a house abroad, and I've gone to stay as a guest on a few occasions. She starts out okay, but as the days go by, she gets more and more controlling and bossy, and you feel you can't really say anything because it's her house. After last time, when I got really quite pissed off with her, I doubt I'd accept another invitation (although she hasn't invited me since!)

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hatwoman · 04/06/2009 18:28

no way does it add a layer of stress. it adds a lawyer of pleasant company, someone to share cooking with (if self-catering), someone to share g&t with, someone to swap books with, someone to play games with your kids that you've never played before, another adult who can keep an eye on little ones while you go for a swim (a proper, peaceful swim), and it gives you time to talk to your friends without being interrupted by kids (in the evenings). it's marvellous.

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hatwoman · 04/06/2009 18:28

smirk at the idea of a "lawyer of pleasant company"

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hatwoman · 04/06/2009 18:30

oh blimey blowbroth - that sounds awful. even if you were annoying them that's a terrible way of handling it. they owe you an apology.

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smurfgirl · 04/06/2009 18:31

Yes, we have some friends who are desp to go on holiday with us and we keep saying no because we know it will be a disaster. They want to climb hills and spend no money and we want to lie on the beach, read and drink!!

That said I went on holiday with my best friend a few years back and it was amazing.

I think you have to have clear guidelines and not expect to spend every moment together.

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Hulababy · 04/06/2009 18:33

Well, we went away with Katz and family for a week last week and never fell out. I think they feel the same.

have been away with them previously too - once for a week, and once for 10 days. Again, no fall outts. lots of fun and lots of drink involved, but arguements no.

Have also been away with another set of friends for a week and again no fall outs. And have been away with my parents and DH's parents on holidays, again no arguements. Nor with BIL, SIl and little niece when we did Centre Parks for a week.

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blowbroth · 04/06/2009 18:34

I agree hatwoman. And up until the rant things were great. I was laid back, going with the flow, sometimes altogether, sometimes on our own. The kids were having a great time, it was a huge house and they could just take themselves off. The adults seemed to be getting along fine.

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Hulababy · 04/06/2009 18:38

I don't find it stressful either, but then I don't find holidays stressful either. Quite the opposite infact. Not sure I'd want many holidays if they were going to be a stressful occasion. We just have a laugh.

And DD (who is an only child) absolutely loves going on holiday with her best friend and bf's little sster. She gets a playmate all dfay every day, and gets to play at being a big sister for a bit. And they are all really good if they need time out - DD will maybe in a week ask for 5 minutes time out a couple of times (didn't last week though) as she isn't as used to full time company.

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DuffyMoon · 04/06/2009 18:50

we went on holiday with another couple (and their kids) and they split up, whilst on holiday.......boy THAT was fun.....

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Clayhead · 04/06/2009 18:54

at DuffyMoon! That sounds awful

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ABetaDad · 04/06/2009 18:58

We have been asked a few times to go on holiday with friends (or family). We love all our friends but we have always said no as nicely as possible.

We just think a holiday as to be something that does not involve having to compromise about when, what and where we eat out, sunbathe, travel, etc.

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kickassangel · 04/06/2009 19:17

i find it hard. dh so hates any kind of confrontation, he'll go with whatever any other family suggests, even when dd was a baby & screaming for a feed! i'm reasonably happy to go with flow, but not if it means that every meal is planned for me & bedtimes etc are all what the other family wants. so hard to get a balance.

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morningpaper · 04/06/2009 19:24

Wellllll TBH if a good friend told you those things, even if drunk, then perhaps there is a grain of truth in it, which is perhaps what is upsetting...

But yes this is a hazard of holidaying with friends. This is why I make a point of ensuring that I never have any friends.

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skidoodle · 04/06/2009 19:29

ABetaDad:
"We just think a holiday as to be something that does not involve having to compromise about when, what and where we eat out, sunbathe, travel, etc. "

Everyone sensible thinks that. That's why holidaying with people you love is such fun.

Unless you have very bossy or controlling friends everyone just lets everyone else get on with whatever they're doing and hang out when it happens naturally.

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ABetaDad · 04/06/2009 21:15

Maybe its just me being negative.

I don't really like holidays that much. I always think it is a huge amont of stress for little gain.

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blowbroth · 04/06/2009 22:36

Thanks morningpaper! I know what you mean and have looked 'into myself' and quite honestly believe the accusations were not fair. Believe me, I have asked myself a lot of questions. Everything I did on this holiday was about people enjoying themselves and was never too pushy!

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hatwoman · 04/06/2009 22:40

is it possible something else was bothering the friend? when the dust has settled could you ask her? if you're close it might work to let her know you were hurt and that you are worried about her and your friendship. I know I said they owe you an apology, but if it's normally a good friendship it might be worth not bothering about rights and wrongs and taking the first step towards putting things right.