Thought it might be handy to have this in one place, so...
Recognising Emotional/Psychological Abuse
Many forms of abuse are obviously cruel. Emotional abuse is more subtle. Quite often such abuse goes unseen, as even the victim does not recognize that she is being abused.
Although emotional abuse does not leave black eyes or visible bruises, it is often more seriously damaging to your self-esteem. Emotional abuse is cruel and scars your soul. Physical or sexual abuse is always accompanied and often follows emotional abuse, i.e. emotional battering is used to wear the victim down - often over a long period of time - to undermine her self-concept until she is willing to take responsibility for her abuser's actions and behaviour towards her or simply accept it.
There are many categories of emotional/psychological abuse. They encompass a variety of behaviors that will be easily recognisable by those experiencing them, and often remain completely unnoticed by others. They include:
Isolation
The abuser will control whom the victim sees, where she goes, whom she speaks to and what she does. This can take the form of simply not allowing her to use the phone, have her friends round or visit her family, or ensuring it simply isn't worth it by being in a bad mood because she left some housework undone, making her feel guilty that she was out enjoying herself while he worked, or even encouraging her - theoretically - to make friends, and then discounting them or complaining that she cares more for her friends/family/hobby than she does him or is neglecting him. Some abusers may move home frequently to prevent their victim from building a social support network.
Many abusers justify their control over their victim by stating that it is proof of their love, or that they worry about their safety when out, etc. In reality however, the abuser needs to isolate his victim to feel secure themselves, they feel as though any relationship, be it family, friend or colleague, will undermine their authority over and take their partner away from them, i.e. poses a threat. The effect of this isolation is that the victim feels very alone in her struggle, doesn't have anyone with whom to do a 'reality check', and is ultimately more dependant on the abuser for all her social needs.
Forms of Isolation include:
o checking up on you
o accusing you of unfaithfulness
o moving to an isolated area
o ensuring you lack transport or a telephone
o making your friends or family feel uncomfortable when visiting so that they cease
o punishing you for being 10 minutes late home from work by complaining, bad moods, criticism or physical abuse
o not allowing you to leave the house on your own or taking away your passport
o demanding a report on your actions and conversations
o preventing you from working
o not allowing any activity which excludes him
o finding fault with your friends/family
o insisting on taking you to and collecting you from work
In extreme cases the victim may be reduced to episodes of literally becoming a prisoner, being locked in a room and denied basic necessities, such as warmth, food, toilet or washing facilities. Other family members or the perpetrators friends can also be used to 'keep an eye on' the victim, acting effectively as prison guards.
Verbal Abuse
When thinking of Verbal Abuse we tend to envisage the abuser hurling insulting names at the victim, and while this obviously does happen, there are many more forms than name-calling. The abuser may use critical, insulting or humiliating remarks (e.g. you've got a mind like ditchwater; you're stupid; etc.), he may withhold conversation and refuse to discuss issues, or he may keep you up all night insisting on talking when you need sleep.
Verbal abuse undermines your sense of worth, your self-concept (i.e. who you think you are) by discounting your ideals, opinions or beliefs.
Verbal abuse can include:
o yelling or shouting at you
o making threats
o insulting you or your family
o being sarcastic or mocking about or criticising your interests, opinions or beliefs
o humiliating you either in private or in company
o sneering, growling, name-calling
o withholding approval, appreciation, or conversation
o refusing to discuss issues which are important to you
o laughing or making fun of you inappropriately
o leaving nasty messages
o accusing you of unfaithfulness, not trying hard enough or purposely doing something to annoy
o blaming you for his failures or other forms of abuse
All of these abusive behaviors prohibit normal, healthy interaction between two adults as well as a lack of respect for individual thoughts, feelings, and opinions.
A healthy, mutual interaction and conversation between two persons respects and promotes the right of each partner to their own individual thoughts, perceptions and values.
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28 replies
theDreadPirateRoberts · 24/04/2009 23:04
OP posts:
RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion ·
28/04/2009 21:11
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