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Marriage Troubles - can you get the magic back?

5 replies

Ciscas · 17/03/2009 14:43

Just wanted to see if the collective wisdom of mumsnet can help me please!
We've been married nearly 3 rs and have 17mt old DD. DH and I have been driting further apart for last few months and now it has all come to a head.
He says he doesn't love me in "that way" any more, and he's tried but he can't even give me a hug. He says there isn't anyone else, but I think that one of his problems is he finds fatherhood too much hard work and a bit boring really. He would rather sit and watch TV or play computer games than play with DD.
He doesn't know what he wants, or why he feels like this and when we try to discuss things his "I don't know" blocks progress.
I really want us to work things out, but I don't think he really wants to try. I can't quite believe that our wonderful DD isn't enough to make him try anything and everything.
I have found motherhood pretty tough as well, had pnd, and undoubtedly neglected my DH and our relationship. Now I don't know how to go about trying to make things better when things are so cold and frosty between us all the time.
Is there anyone else who has been through something similar and can pass on any tips to try and improve things please?

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newmummy27 · 17/03/2009 14:50

Hi
we are in same position, i have pnd too, but have 16 mo ds.
we are going to relate, but i dont think it is helping much, we argue every weekend. i am the one who seems to have lost the feeling "in that way" though. can you afford relate? do you do much on your own? we dont but because most of the time i dont want too.
you are not alone..

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Ciscas · 17/03/2009 14:58

Hi there - it's nice to know I'm not the only one going through this. We are going to try relate (first appt this week), but I have reservations about how much it will help us.
I don't do much on my own, but the same as you, I don't really want to. I love being with dd. I know that I do need to try and have some time to myself tho, but in between dh's work and golf, there isn't a lot of time left! And he says he wants more time to himself! We don't have family or other babysitters nearby which also makes things hard.
We do very little as a family (and only when I suggest something) and he has never taken dd out on his own.

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BitOfFun · 17/03/2009 16:27

Can you try and put a couple of evenngs aside to watch a movie or play cards together or something? Just something little and fun where you can chat a bit? It sounds like you need to spend a bit of time together on your own without the baby. I'm sure someone will be along with better suggestions than mine, but I wanted to bump this for you so more people will see it

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BitOfFun · 17/03/2009 19:08

Pruners has just got back to you n the other thread! X

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Ciscas · 17/03/2009 20:49

Thank you BoF. I know that we both need to make more of an effort for each other, but unfortunately I'm just not sure that DH is capable or wants to do it.