HELP! How to recover from REALLY bad patch?

[robin3]

We've had 4 months of relationship hell...basically ongoing inbalances in our commitment and respect which resulted in a huge flirtation between my DP and a lady.

We've done talking, shouting, making up, did one session of counselling then I did another on my own, but the bottom line is that now we just have to move on.

All is well on a daily basis, but the slightest little thing seems to blow up in to a crisis again...so DP assumes I'm ok to be the designated driver/taxi to our friends at the weekend and doesn't even ask if it's ok. I then kick back and say 'it would have been nice to have been asked' and then hugely emotionally charged text back about 'why are you being like this...thought we were better?'. How do you fix these situations? Is this common? Help/advice please.

[Tamarto]

You need to explain that 'being better' doesn't mean back to the way it was but pretending what happened didn't happen.

If you want him to think about you more/not take you for granted, you need to explain that to him, giving examples if needed.

Don't do things like that by text, tell him no we'll discuss it later, then do.

[robin3]

Thanks for your response Tamarto, but I've tried all the 'don't take me for granted' stuff...that's been the main topic for months.

If I'd texted him back and said let's discuss later, he'd have called and said 'it can't wait' you need to...blah blah blah.

[NotQuiteCockney]

Hmmm, it doesn't really sound like you're done with this, tbh. Is your DP sorry for what happened? Is he still in contact with this person?

It takes time for things to get better. Both of you need to be careful and thoughtful in your communication. Texts are tricky. And "It would have been nice to have been asked" is pretty cranky, tbh - better to say "Please do not assign me jobs without asking" or similar.

[Tamarto]

So it's not sorted then, he needs to know this.

You can't move on if he can't see there is a problem, by ignoring how you feel he's not showing much remorse is he.

[robin3]

Not entirely sorted but feels like it's the occasional thing now, nothing compared to the issues we had. Should have thought about my response more.

[NotQuiteCockney]

Well, it's ok that you're still angry about the bad patch, just not fair to take it out on him randomly, iyswim.

I understand wanting to rush yourself into being better, I'm the same about everything. But it doesn't work.

[HappyWoman]

how about saying ok i'll drive this time - but you will remember it is your turn next. Try and make light of it - istead of it all being linked to a lack of respect.

Could you not get a taxi instead??