Moving in together, wandering what people will think

[JustASadSong]

Me and my partner have been discussing moving in together. We both have children who live with us.

I currently live on a very rough council estate. He lives in a very affluent, 'expensive' village reknown for being 'posh'.

Obviously I can't expect him to give that up to move here and he seems to want me to move in with him, especially as he owns and doesn't rent like me.

I know its stupid but I'm worrying that people will think I'm only with him for the money. I've already had the "no wonder you're with him!" tongue in cheek comments. He tells me to ignore them but it really gets to me. I'm sure all the family are thinking I'm with him as a way of getting into 'the good life' but it isn't like that.

I mean, how on earth could I ask him to a) sell his house to move into a council house? b) move from a lovely area to a rough council estate? c) move his son from a very good school to my local 'not so nice' school? etc etc ...

It makes sense but I'm really worried

I'm also worried that we won't 'fit in' with the village. My son has behavioural problems and I'm sure the school will think 'problem child, obviously because the mother is rough as hell' etc.

And I know my family will take the piss.

[scrooged]

Life's to short to be worrying what other people think. If you love him and he loves you then go for it.

Go on, what are you waiting for?

[SheWillBeLoved]

Don't bat an eyelid at what they say. It's obviously a case of the green eyed monster that they're suffering from.

Maybe you could have a chat with the school before he starts, to let them know he has behavioural problems and isn't just out to cause trouble. Advise them on how best to handle him etc..

Enjoy your new home

[ANTagony]

You don't sound rough as hell. Todays gossip is tommorrows chip wrapper (well you get the gist).

If you love him and its what you both want its got to be good for the kids having more loving adults around and who knows a school in a more afluent area might have more funding for helping your son settle in. Have you visited the school as a potential parent moving to the area? You needen't give any personal details.

Why would everyone know, and why does it matter, that you've moved (are moving) from a council estate?

Families take the piss - its what they do. Mine know every button and how to push it and isn't it a round about way of approving of what you're doing?

Enjoy it it sounds like you have a wonderful opportunity ahead.

[compo]

completely agree with scrooged, we all spend too much tiem worrying about what other people think

[crokky]

I would say screw what other people think. You both want to, so do it. If you are polite to these people and never rise to their bait, they will make themselves look stupid if they insult you etc.

[LynetteScavo]

STOP WORRYING WHAT PEOPLE THINK AND DO WHAT MAKES YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN HAPPY!

[HecatesTwopenceworth]

Who cares what people think? You know the truth. You love him, don't let these silly people take anything away from that.

Oh, and these 'tongue in cheek' comments...start saying "actually, I find that rather offensive". Pull them up on it. "That's quite hurtful actually." "That's not a very kind thing to say to me."

Don't let them get away with it. And when they say they were only joking, you say "A joke is where we are all laughing." or "no, what do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangeroo - a wooly jumper. THAT'S a joke. What you said was nasty."

I do HATE people who are spiteful in that pretend 'jokey' way so that they can have a dig and act all surprised if you don't laugh along. Bastards.

[ib]

I understand why it bothers you and it would really bother me too in your situation, tbh.

But in the end this is your life, you can't let stupid things like that stop you taking the decisions that are right for you.

I think I would be inclined to be a bit provocative at people who make inappropriate comments. If someone said 'no wonder you're with him' I'd answer 'Oh, you've seen him naked?' or some such...deliberately misunderstand what they are on about and make it clear there is a lot more to your relationship than that.

[LynetteScavo]

Are you rough as hell?

Maybe some mumsnetters can give you some tips on how to deport yourself in posh villages.

[warthog]

go for it. sounds good!

of course, perhaps you should stay on your rough council estate with rough schools and pass by any opportunities in case people might think the worse of you...

NO - enjoy the opportunity to improve your lot and be very pleased with yourself that you have found a good man.

[warthog]

you need to start buying boden clothes for one.

[warthog]

ahem - last comment.

people will forget that you didn't start off in equal circumstances. all that really matters is that you have a strong commitment to this guy and he you and that you are happy. the comments will just die away.