How has your relationship changed with your husband since having children?

[fufflebum]

I just thought I would post a message to see how other people feel their relationships have changed with their husbands since having children. For better or worse?

Here is the background, have been married for five years, been together for ten. Have two pre school kids. Feel we are in a bit of a rut, husband says it is natural to be as have two pre schoolers, very exhausting etc etc. My worry is I wake up in five years time and wonder what has happened to our relationship!

Is this a common experience? Help Mumnetters!

[Ispy]

Married 9 years, 3 dc and my dh will always cite the kids as the reason for tiredness and lack of motivation in our relationship. I, on the other hand will always look deeper.

[Nabster]

Very common. I also worry about whether we will have anything to say to each other when they kids have left home, though we have made plans for what we will do.

Lack of time alone together.
Much more tired.
Not as free to do what we want to do.
Less money for us.

We feel more like a real family and we are a team.
So amazing to think we grew three whole people.
The cuddles are worth every sleepless night.

[rolandbrowning]

Unfortunately, I think it has changed for the worse, and we are aware this is something we need to work on. Ds is only 8 months though, so I am assuming that we need time to adjust and then things will get better. I suppose things are not as fun, and obviously not as easy as they were, and no sex

[cannydoit]

we still have sex but yes its for the worse but to be fair i got preggers a month after meeting him,so never had pre kids time together. things have not been right since the birth of our last child though. getting to the point where just dont know what to do anymore.
so u are not alone.

[Fizzfiend]

Had baby, he went off sex and our relationship has deteriorated ever since which I'm really sad about. He was a bit traumatised by the gory bits of the birth - in hindsight I would have banned him from the room. No sex, means lots of rejection, resentment, viscious circle. We like each other still but not the relationship I would have liked. Having said that, I would not have traded dd - she's my little shining light.

Try changing things before it's too late. We've left it too late and I've just lost interest in him now as a lover - that will happen. You're right to look to the future and try and make it a good one.

[cannydoit]

hi fizzfiend, i hope this isnt going to offend but ur oh need to suck it up. u went threw all the pain and trauma of the birth of ur dd but he couldnt cope with the blood etc.
i may be being a bit dissingenuious but after having the fun of getting me preggers if he had not wanted to be in the room for the birth of our 3 DC or seemed to be tramatised by seeing it he would have gotten an extreamly pissed off pregnant woman going mental at him. especially if i thought it was affecting out sex life.