Chat or Relationships - not sure which it is - how to cope with unexpected deaths and do you discuss what if it happened to you with your nearest and dearest - mid life crisis?? A bit long too.........

[SexyDomesticatedDad]

Last Summer I found out one of the guys on our college course was tragically killed during a camping expedition. The circumstances were possibly avoidable as he died from Carbon Monoxide poisoning. He was about the same age as me, been married to the girl he met at college (I aslo met my DW at college too) and had 2 DCs - church was packed out and a very moving service. Wasn't really close to the guy after leaving but it really shook me up then. It still does when I hear certain hymns that were played.

We have collected a few pieces of artwork from a quite well known artist. For Xmas I got my DW some of his sculpture, a book and best of all a personally signed calendar. This was all done a week or two before Xmas. The artists wife sorted out the signing and said she had never laughed so much when she saw the dedication I asked for. Yesterday I just found out he had died ! Had an accident on Xmas Eve and died the day before NYE - he's also the same age as me. Been married for a long time to the same partner.

I have his wifes email address - I feel like writing something but don't know what - is it an invasion of privacy? I guess he was in the public domain so maybe people think they 'know' someone. Any suggestions?

So once again been struck with thinking about what would happen if it was me or my DW - how do you cope when that happens?? We are both totally committed to each other and have been our one an only - soul mate - whatever. Jokingly we sort of talked about it last night - what would you miss about me but maybe we need to think about it more. We do have a will sorted out and in the event of us both passing at the sametime DCs will be taken care of.

Probably a bit of a mid life crisis but potentially I could take up redundancy and would prefer to do other job that gives me more personal satisfaction but would most likley pay a lot less and be more risky. Should I adopt a life is too short attitude and do it - or most likely we'll be around for mnay years and need the steady income to support DCs through school / college - have quite a few years to go....

Sorry its long and a bit depressing - realise we are so lucky in so many ways but stuff like this just makes you think what if.....

[Carmenere]

i am sorry for your loss SDD i think you are having a mid-life contemplation rather than crises and that is a good thing of course. to go through life without examining the direction you are taking would be tragic.
No one can tell you whether to take a new career path but i would advise you to take at least a year to see how the land lies both emotionally and financially before you make any decisions.
BUT I am of the opinion that if you can at all afford to do a job you love you should as the old edict of life being too short is true imo

[lessonlearned]

If it helps, I was advised by a nurse at the hospice where my mum died, not to make any major decisions for at least 2 years.
I don't know how she identified me as being at risk of this, but when I look back I know her words stopped me in my tracks several times when I really could have gone off on a tangent.
I am very grateful to her for giving me breathing space until a better decision-making time came along.
Whatever you choose make sure that you are not panicking into something you may regret later.

[wilbur]

Agree with carmenere and lessonlearned that you should wait a while before taking any big steps. The death on someone your own age is shocking, even if you were not close, and it's good to take stock when things like that happen.

Re contacting the artist's wife - do you have a street address or c/o a gallery? Rather than email, which is a bit personal, I think a short note saying you are sorry for her loss and saying how much you admire his work and are pleased to have it, would mean a great deal to her and would not be an intrusion.

[wilbur]

"OF someone your own age" - sorry

[SexyDomesticatedDad]

Thanks for the replies - some food for thought. A life style change is something that's been on the cards for the last couple of years - at least that's how long I've had my web domain registration for! Possibly not a good time economically but not sure I can keep doing what I am doing and a big hunk of redundancy is very tempting but it has still got to work so I can support the family.

Contemplation is a good word, crisis seems more of a specific event. Need some reflection too and maybe input from others who can see matters independently.

[theresonlyme]

My DH and I have talked about whether we would want the other to remarry if one of us died and also who would take the children if we both died. The children things really needs to be sorted legally but have no idea where to start.

[Deemented]

I think when someone you know dies it always makes you question your own mortality, and you seemed to have realised that perhaps you're not going to live forever after all, iyswim? That can come as a bit of a shock.. that the world might carry on, even if i'm not there to see it, kinda thing.

Its good though, that you've got a will sorted as well instrctions on what happens to your children in the event of both your deaths - that can bring peace of mind.