Give me your opinions please, you will probably think i am pathetic.......

[aloneagain]

This is a long one, sorry. I was divorced about 19 years ago, married very young. I got together with current partner about 18 years ago, we have one child of our own and three teenagers from my first marriage. Our last few years together have been crap, we have said some awful things to each other over the years. I said we should have split up years ago when the kids were younger to avoid ruining their childhood but he was determined that we stay together for youngest child and refused to leave. Over the years he has been weird to live with, he works hard but is tight with his money, hardly spends anytime with the kids but when he does it is good time. Ever since we have been together he always goes out to do sport Saturday and Sundays, he doesn't help in the house and has made me 2 cups of coffee in all our years together. I have always worked, mainly part time but worked me hours round the kids. Needless to say, i have done quite unskilled jobs and feel incapable of getting anything better. He has now said he is moving out asap as he can't stand me any longer, we haven't slept together for a year (sex that is, we share a bed still) I have tried so hard but it has all backfired, i have been strong, not a walkover but he always had power because he had the majority of the money. Now he is going i am going to be pennyless, the car is not going to get through the next mot and he said i will have to walk. I need a full time job but worried about getting youngest child from school and taking to after school stuff. Also worried how i would afford a car.
So sorry to ramble on, i am scared and worried but think it is actually time he went.

[Charsis]

Dont let money hold you back. The truth is you will find a way, and it wil be a lot easier than you think. Just hold your head up high and get ready to cope.
You can do it, and you'll be soooo glad you did! Look on this as the beginning of a really good time in your life.
As for your youngest, I am positive that if he/she was given the choice, they would rather have less and be in a happy enviroment with a happy Mum than be in a miserable house.
Good luck!

[fluffles]

Sorry i know nothing about this situation but i am sure you should not be pennyless - he has an obligation in law for the upkeep of the children and that includes keeping a roof over their heads (and therefore yours).

Good luck with whatever the future holds for you.

[lilac21]

No, you're not pathetic - you can get through this. Many schools have after school clubs and mine always went to swimming etc around 6pm because I work full-time and couldn't get there any earlier. Can another mum take your DC and you pick up and do her a favour?

You will find solutions, because you will have to. You said yourself you've been strong, call on that inner strength now but don't be afraid to ask friends and family for help.

[hurtandfoolish]

Awww i know how you feel as im in a similar position . My DH held the purse strings and was tight , i never had a career as like you i worked round the kids.
Tax credits are a lifesaver ,and like others say he is obliged to support your children.
When my husband moved out i too panicked about getting a full time job , but i managed to stay part time with tax credits , ( it wouldnt have been worth going full time as id have been no better off after childcare ect ).
Depending on how tight your husband is you might be a lot better off. Im now living on a quarter of what i used to but have honestly never felt so well off , as previously ive had to ask for every penny.
Good luck and dont panic , it will all work out. Perhaps ring tax credits for an idea of what you might be entitled to once hes gone. Wont be half as bad as you think.

[Remotew]

There are benefits, help when you need it. You need some sound legal advice. You need to know that your situation is not hopeless. It really isn't. Please look at what is available money wise. So sad that you have had to put up with this relationship for so long too.

[JacksmamaSaysIHeartTheRev]

No advice but bumping for you

xxxx

[oliviasmama]

See a solicitor, some do the first hour free but otherwise I paid twenty seven pounds for a one off consultation and it proved worth every penny.

Citizens Advice to point you in the right direction.

Tax Credits to see how much money your entitled to. As someone has already said, you may be financially better working part time.

Friends.

Good luck.

[AnnasBananas]

There is a quick benefit checklist online on www.moneysavingexpert.com if you don't know it already it is a brilliant website with lots of up-to-date and practical advice about how to save money in all areas of your life. Hold your head high and good luck to you.

[aloneagain]

Thank you all so much for your kind and supportive replies. Hopefully it won't be too bad and i hope i do feel stronger to get through it all. At the moment it all feels abit scary. I did it before with the other children but i was alot younger then and felt so lonely. Don't think i will be so lonely this time, hopefully not. I am scared though. I do feel a fool because for all these years i have put the house and kids first, any extra money i had went on household stuff, you know just stuff to make it a home, not frivolous stuff. He now tells me he has some money tucked away which he never intended to be used in the home or on the family, it was always his 'escape' money. So whilst he saved i did low paid jobs to fit around the kids and making sure his life ran like clockwork....what an idiot.

[Supercherry]

You are not an idiot. You sound lovely. He's the bloody idiot.

I think the first thing you need to do is make an appointment with Jobcentre Plus- the income support Department. They should be able to give you information on the benefits you are entitled to. You should get income support for single parents or working tax credits aswell as child tax credits. You can also get help with your mortgage or rent payments. If you call Warm Front- they will send you an application for a grant of up to £2700 towards heating, ie, a new boiler or insulation. They also do a check for you to make sure you are getting ALL the benfits to which you are entitled. You can apply for a budgeting loan (interest free) for help towards one off costs- this may help with you car but I'm not sure.

All of this takes time so if I were you the first thing I would do is get on the phone to Jobcentre Plus.

Good Luck and I hope this all works out for the best for you and your children as I'm sure it will!