My parents are moving away and I feel heartbroken for ds...

[Maveta]

I live abroad and by happy circumstance by parents live very close to us (a few hundred metres away!). They have been a HUGE part of ds´ life (20months old) since he was born. He adores them and asks for Nana or Dandad all through the day. We see them most days and when we turn down their street he shouts NANA! and then wanders around after them the whole time he is there.

And now it looks like they have to return to the UK . I will miss them, but I just feel so so heartbroken for him because he won´t understand and the thought of him asking for them and not being able to go see them really gets me.

And I know he´ll stop eventually and accept they just aren´t around as much (hardly ever) anymore but I feel just as sad that he will lose that close relationship that he has with them.

They are an absolute cornerstone of our lives and I don´t know what we´ll do without them I´ve just had a big chat with my folks where they´ve laid their cards on the table and dh is out and i´ve no one to talk to about it, so I just wanted to get that out.

[NewApprehensiveBeginning]

Could you not move too?

[morningpaper]

What a shame

Why are they moving? I can't believe they could do that!

[Maveta]

They have to move, things aren´t good for them financially/ work wise/ healthwise and it just makes more sense for them to be in the uk really. They can´t earn out here anymore and I just don´t know what they´re going to do (a whole ´nother kettle of fish).

I would consider moving back to the UK just to be near to them actually. I would. But I guess we need to let them go first and figure out what they´re doing/ let them settle in before we make that leap. We are not in their situation, we have dh´s family here (of course it´s not the same, for me at least but even ds is closer to my parents than the ILs) and I have a good job that I enjoy. But they will leave a huge hole and I wouldn´t rule out us going. but but but.. right now it´s them leaving and us staying.

[travellingwilbury]

It is a shame but my parents moved to France when my ds was 3 which I know is a little older but he was really used to seeing them all the time and it was really hard to think that they wouldn't be here al the time for him . But tbh he has coped really well with it and when we go there or they come here he has a great time and loves to see them but he is used to it now (it was nearly 2 yrs ago)

I think I have found it harder than him , they were the only people I had ever let babysit and I knew I could always rely on them in an emergency . BUt we have all coped and Ik now my parents love the life they now have and as much as they miss my children they can't live their life through them (as much as I would like them to )

[gybegirl]

That's such a shame. Just to say we live abroad too and both sets of grandparents live in the UK. I'm amazed at how connected my 2.10 DD is with both sets of grandparents. They see her about 4 or 5 times a year each, we chat on the phone and also skype. She has a much closer relationship with them than I would have though possible.

[AngeG]

Sorry to hear that Maveta.

[Maveta]

that´s what I need to hear... and I know it´s true, kids are resilient and all that. He´s also not really at an age to be sad about something really, I suppose it´ll be more like he´ll ask, I´ll distract and he´ll go with it and that´s it. So I guess I´m projecting all the other baggage that he won´t be feeling.

travellingwilbury - that´s it. No one else babysits for us. not so much because I won´t let anyone more because there´s no one else to ask or there´s never been any need. Most of my friends out here do the whole kids thing without parents and I know how lucky I´ve been. They make it all so much easier. When I´m bored and lonely I just pop over to have a cuppa and they take him off my hands for a few minutes. If I want to get my haircut mum´ll watch him for an hour. She even takes him overnight. One day every weekend we spend the large part of the afternoon with them/eat there/watch tv.

It´ll be so different.

[travellingwilbury]

I think for me if I am completely honest it has actually made me make more friends and have more of a network of mums I can call on when the need arises . In some ways it has been good for me . In the past if I was bored or feeling a bit lazy then I would just go and see mum and chill out where as now I make the effort to get out and about .

It is hard to get used to and I understand why you are feeling down about it but in the long run it could be a good thing . I know I was actually pretty angry with my mum for even thinking about going away to live . I mean how could she possibly want to leave my gorgeous boys ut in reality I can see how much happier they are and as much as I have still have my days when I want to stamp my feet that they are not just down the road , on the whole it is ok .

It definetly has bothered me more than my boys

[AngeG]

part of my post disappeared.

Also said my DS grandparents moved to Spain when he was 2.5. They had up until then looked after him at least one day a week and were very close to him. When they left, he did ask for them for a while and even now still says "that's where Nanny and Grandad used to live". When we visit he is still close to them and we all talk about them etc. He still has a good relationship with them.

[Maveta]

hi ange

thanks for the supportive posts - it´s good to get some perspective. Ds WILL be fine. Dh and I are, at the end of the day, the most important people in his life and we will still be here (repeat as mantra).

And yes i see what you are saying tw.. I do choose the lazy option and might actually have to make more effort to get out and about and make more/new friends. And that can only be a good thing.

[2rebecca]

My kids are close to both sets of grandparents despite them living hundreds of miles away. They're in the UK but 1 lot are a 3h drive away and the other lot 8 hours away. My grandparents lived some distance away so I find it odd when adults don't move away from their parents. They still love them though, they just only see them a few times a year. To be honest I think parents or inlaws dropping in all the time would really stifle me. It's very difficult to be an adult around your parents.
I agree with those who say it makes you have to socialise and be independant.

[myredcardigan]

We had Mum and Dad close until last summer. They doted on my kids and the kids doted on them. Then last summer Mum was killed by a drunk driver. Since then, Dad has sunk into a deep depression and become a virtual recluse.

I'd give anything for Mum just to be a plane ride away.

You and your DC will still have them in your lives, still enjoy their visits and your DC will still grow up knowing their grandparents. It really could be much worse.

[bookswapper]

so sorry myredcardigan

[chelsygirl]

oh, myredcardigan, I'm so sorry to read your post, how heart breaking for you and your family.

sending you best wishes and hugs {{{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}}}

[myredcardigan]

Thank you both. It has been utterly devastating but I didn't mean my post to sound so harsh. I know it's all relative.