sex after childbirth and stitches down there - how soon??

[mummy2benji]

my baby is 4 weeks old following a normal delivery where I had a second degree tear and stitches. it was really sore for 2 weeks after giving birth and then I had painful piles (sorry for grim details!) which didn't help. quite scared about resuming sex - can anyone else who had stitches following birth tell me when they started having sex again and was it painful? need some reassurance! thanks

[Bucharest]

Would quite happily never have had sex again acksherly.
In reality, and with more than a little trepidation, at about 10 wks. Could probably have done it sooner, but y'know....hurt like bloody fvck as well.
I'd rest on my laurels (ahem) for a bit longer if I were you. x

[theboob]

I was about 2-3 weeks but very slowly
If you feel ready give it a go ,It was not painful for me and i had an epesotomy (sp)

[BitOfFun]

Same injury, ten days. Vat of wine

[Pannacotta]

3 months after DS1 (quite bad second degree tear).
2 weeks after DS2 (no tear).
Dont rush it is my advice....

[Claireykitten]

I had a 3rd degree tear and stitches and we waited until ds was 7-8 weeks old. I have to admit I didnt find it painful it was more a psychological thing for me as I wasnt feeling like a wife I was still just mummy. I was very very worried about the pain though and in the end for me it was a case of getting the first time over and done with otherwise I felt like it was going to become an issue and a problem.

I have to say though that I was never particularly aware of being in pain with my tear and stitches just uncomfortable even though I was having to have a good old fiddle around down there all day every day as I was self-catheterising for 5 weeks (sorry if thats TMI!)

I certainly wouldnt be considering resuming sex quite yet, give yourself some time to recover and go at your own pace.

Claire xXx

[BlameItOnTheBogey]

Same injury - six weeks here. It had to be quite slow at first but quickly got better. I think the first time is going to be the worst because of the fear but I'd suggest getting it out the way as soon as you feel able so that it doesn't build up into a huge issue.

[lostinnappies]

i have had 2 dc and had stitches with both

for each one i waited until after the 6 week check more for my peace of mind than anything else

with ds1 it was a about 7/8 weeks
with ds2 about 6 weeks

take it easy - keep doing your pelvic floors though as it will make it easier when you do feel comfortable to restart.

general rule of thumb i would say is when you think you are ready you know your body best.

[mummy2benji]

thanks guys thats really helpful

[TimorousWeeBeastie]

about 4 weeks after the birth, and i too had 2nd degree tear & torn urethra. It wasnt actually painful. (the sex that is!)

[NancysGarden]

Reading this thread I'm really amazed that so many were able to resume sex so soon after the birth and with tears/ episiotomies/ piles etc. I had a tear and really wanted to have sex but it took several failed attempts (first of which being at 6 weeks) til we finally managed it when LO was about 10 weeks I think, but it was very painful and continued to be quite painful for many months.

But it clearly depends on the individual.

I've heard others (lots) say they've waited months to even give it a go. But of course there are lots of things one can do without having full penetration if that is too painful.

[AnnasBananas]

Waited just over three months, I recall. Much longer than others on this thread but I was scared of sex hurting and undoing the healing but all was OK in the end. Keep doing as many pelvic floor exercises as you can manage it will speed the healing esp into the muscles. Good luck. And alcohol helps...

[pooka]

Tried 8 weeks after dd. No go. So then 8 months after the birth as had to be restitched.

DS - about 8 weeks. I bled for about 6 weeks after both births.

[ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight]

6 weeks - after 3rd degree tear. Waited til I could feel the stitches were dissolved and it felt healed. It didn't hurt, but was a bit uncomfortable the first few times, We still have to use lube a lot more than before.

[puffylovett]

6 months ! yes it was a bit painful where I had the internal stitch, but a few sessions later and it was back to normal !

[christiana]

Message withdrawn

[cheerfulvicky]

christina, yes it was like that for us too - we both commented on it. Was quite exciting actually!
I think we waited 7 weeks - I wanted to at around 4 weeks as I was really keen, but he wanted to wait til after the check. It was slightly painful the first few times, but after that was okay. Things feel a bit better down there in a way. Hoping I didn't have a bucket fanjo before... I had an episiotomy and stitches, sometimes my scar still aches when I'm walking or sitting, for reasons I can't explain. DS is almost 5 months now.

[ilovelovemydog]

The m/w caught a mom on the ward doing it with her boyfriend in the toilets 24 hours after she gave birth

[wingandprayer]

God that is grim ilove

Some celeb was on the TV the other day saying they almost got it on straight after childbirth - Davina McCall I think.

[mummy2benji]

oh my word u've got to wonder if the mom found in the loos was still high on painkillers or her local anaesthetic was still working! I think I'd be okay if I could have some local anaesthetic first..

[MrsArchieTheInventor]

I had stiches after what the midwife called 'light grazing' and it was 8 weeks before DP and me even attempted to have sex. Take it very carefully and don't rush anything. I'd be tempted to ask the midwife after a 2nd degree tear as I'd be worried about possible infection and irritation.

[ILovePudding]

had 2nd degree tear and stitches. we tried after about 8 weeks - it was really really painful. sex continued to be at best uncomfortable until 12 months after birth.

not sure if you have been advised this already, but whenever you give it a go have lots of lube on hand! Esp if you're bf as this can alter your natural lubrication.

[browntrout]

i had a tiny tear which wasnt stiched. did it at about 10 weeks although i didnt feel quite ready (sort of thought bull by the horns so to speak). bled a bit, felt uncomfortable and didnt try again for a few weeks. when next did it was all fine and didnt hurt at all. my scar still hurts with jeans and the like sometimes although happily not during or after sex!

[Ebb]

I had an epesiotomy (sp?) and a labial tear. Took the midwife an hour and a half to stitch me up. I had sex again at 6wks ( mainly cos I wanted to do it before my 6wk check so if there was a problem I could talk to the Doc about it ). It was fine although I was a bit surprised to discover I had internal stitches too. The Doc did say the more we had sex, the easier it would be. I think the thought was worse than the actual event and I think Dp was more concerned than I was.

[TrudiRussel89]

So me and my partner had sex last night I gave birth 2 weeks and 4 days ago And had a epiostomy and had stitches I felt ready as not really bleeding anymore and felt better down there
I didn’t realise I still had stitches inside me it was only as my partner looked down there after I realised what if I’ve made them loose I’m scared I’ll end up with a massive hole down there if I’ve messed up the stitches

[TrippinEdBalls]

With DC1 (second-degree tear, stitches) we first tried at around 8 weeks and it was horrible, painful and I was distraught thinking my sex life was gone forever. We kept trying but it took until about 4-5 months until it wasn't painful, and I didn't actually start enjoying sex again until I stopped breastfeeding. Within weeks of that we were back to pre-child frequency and enjoyment. So with DC2 (again a second-degree tear, though not as bad) I just got a lot less stressed about the whole thing, we both accepted that we wouldn't have much sex in the first few months (the first year, really!) and that that was fine because it's just a brief stage in life. He's now 14 months and our sex life is pretty good again. I completely understand the feeling that you should 'get it over with' and the fear that if you don't start asap you'll never have sex again but I wish I hadn't made myself feel like that with my first. I actually think that maintaining the principle that sex should always be enthusiastic and enjoyable for you both is a better long-term investment than some painful duty post-natal shags. We also had a lot more non-penetrative sex the second time round, again because I think the 'we must get back to doing it properly or our marriage will die!' pressure was off - we both knew it would come back in time.