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Relationships

just need to talk anyone still up?

35 replies

socialpariah · 06/12/2008 23:02

I am in love with someone who can't be mine. Please no roastings!

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cheeseandsproutssarnie · 06/12/2008 23:03

do tell.im up

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christmasBarbielovesSanta · 06/12/2008 23:03

im still awake too.....

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chocolatemummy · 06/12/2008 23:04

so why not........married.or you married?

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Tanee58 · 06/12/2008 23:05

We won't roast you - I may not be up much longer, but I'm nosey!

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whomovedmychocolate · 06/12/2008 23:05

So long as this isn't Simon Cowell I'm in

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socialpariah · 06/12/2008 23:06

Both married. Very messy. Both left spouses. He has gone back twice. I know it has caused so much pain but he phones again and I get sucked in. I feel pathetic.

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sayithowitis · 06/12/2008 23:07

How do you know they cannot be yours? Are they already with someone? Married?

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LoveBeingAMummyKissingSanta · 06/12/2008 23:10

if you know why do you do it - hope that doesn't sound bad, my froend is the same and I don't understand tbh

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Tanee58 · 06/12/2008 23:11

Oh dear, I feel for you. Do you think he would ever actually be with you for good, or will he forever ricochet between you and his wife? If so, you may need to be strong and block his calls - he is not being kind or fair to either of you. And maybe forcing yourself to avoid his calls etc, may force HIM to decide what he really wants - even if, in the end, it leaves you alone and he returns to his wife for good, you will then at least know where you stand and can plan your future accordingly and learn to love again (or would you consider reconciling with your ex?. Sorry you are in this position.

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socialpariah · 06/12/2008 23:15

Its my fault. I know I need to be stronger. I could reconcile with my ex. The only way I can describe it is he is my achilles heel. I act totally out of character. I have been shunned a school and have lost most f my friends and yet I still..........

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chocolatemummy · 06/12/2008 23:15

if he has gone back twice, then I dont think its a winner! Sorry but if you really wanted to be together but were both married, and then actually built up the strenghth to leave your spouses and then one of you goes back TWICE! ........
It doesnt help if YOU really do wnat to be with him but you really do have to accept that mayeb you leaving your spouse was the right thing to do anyway, and you may well find happiness but just not with this man

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Tippychick · 06/12/2008 23:15

I'm still up for all the good it may do you

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whomovedmychocolate · 06/12/2008 23:16

Socialpariah - when you say he's gone back twice, I assume you mean you haven't? If so, good for you, it's never good to go backwards unless things have changed and it doesn't sound like they have.

I was once in a similar situation (but not married) and someone gave me some very good advice which was this:

  • book a holiday for two weeks leaving as soon as possible (before you chicken out). Go and do not contact the man in question for the entire period. Take time to reflect. When you get back, clean your entire house of anything which you no longer need. Spend a week making sure your house is clean and decluttered (it helps you think). You've now not spoken or seen him for 21 days. Decide now whether you want to. If it's really love you will feel peaceful but want to see him urgently. If it's not either you have a clean space in which to start picking up the pieces of your old relationship or to start afresh on your own.
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Tanee58 · 06/12/2008 23:20

That sounds good advice. The gist is, you need space without any contact from him, to decide whether he is really what you want. Don't have any contact with him or with your ex - and see whether you miss either of them - or neither of them. It may be that what you need, is to be your own person for as long as it takes, and your future may lie with someone you haven't even met yet.

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socialpariah · 06/12/2008 23:22

He has been outed twice which has forced him to leave. Not by me but by being caught.

We had problems pre affair so I stand by my decision to leave. I don't feel I need to be with someone for the sake of it. Or that it is fair on the children.

I like the holiday advice.I could do with a break tbh.....

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Tippychick · 06/12/2008 23:24

I have no advice. I am sorry you're hurting tho.

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chocolatemummy · 06/12/2008 23:24

I really dont think this man sounds worth the heartache, would the holiday thing be a possibility? sounds like you in a confused and messy place and do need that you time and space from it all

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Tanee58 · 06/12/2008 23:28

So he only left his wife because he was 'outed'? I'm so sorry SP, but it sounds like he was happy to have the affair and his marriage going together. Is that the case? If so, and if you don't want to share him with his wife, then RUN FOR YOUR LIFE.

If you know that leaving your husband was the right thing, then please try the holiday advice. And best of luck. I've been through a marriage breakup, splitting with an exH who was nice, but not The One, and am with DP with whom I had the affair. (luckily he wasn't with anyone). I know it was the right decision, but I still regret the pain I caused. It's not easy .

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socialpariah · 06/12/2008 23:28

yep holiday a possibility. Its very complicated all round though........ I really appreciate the advice though.. I feel very lonely.

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SilentMNight · 06/12/2008 23:30

SP how old are you both?

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socialpariah · 06/12/2008 23:32

I don't want to put anything to specific as am being watched like a hawk at the moment or would explain. Am really not a bad person just fell more in love then I ever have been.

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socialpariah · 06/12/2008 23:33

I am late twenties he is late thirties

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chocolatemummy · 06/12/2008 23:35

if the holiday is a possibility then go......you need it and see how you feel once you are back. sometimes stuck in the mids of things with kids to look after on top, you can't see the wood for the trees and just need to erase a few things out the background and see whats left in the picture!
I MUST go to bed but will look the thread up over next few days

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socialpariah · 06/12/2008 23:38

Thanks. Am off to bed too. Will come back tomorrow though. Thanks all for not being judgemental....

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Tanee58 · 06/12/2008 23:40

It sounds like this happened within a very small society. Are you both parents of kids in the same school? Or the same social circle? You mention being ignored by friends and at the school gate. If so, it sounds even more like it would be good if you could get away from the situation for awhile. If only because it would let the dust settle a bit. Could you have a long Christmas break? Have you any friends outside the situation / area whom you could visit for awhile?

I have to go to bed too soon but will catch up with you tomorrow. {{hug}}

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