Any advice on how to help DP chill out about my mother

[miffymum]

My mother, who is sweet and kind and I love dearly has been staying for the past 3 days - she's going home today. DP has been difficult, grumpy and angsty the whole time towards me although he has managed to be polite to my mother. This happens every time either when she stays here or we stay with my parents - they live over 400miles away so can't do day trips.

It makes me so sad. I can see she is trying really hard to be an easy guest and get on with him but he feels he can't relax with her around. He gets narky as he feels he can't potter around as he normally would despite being reassured constantly that he can. She notices and has asked before if he doesn't like her. It breaks my heart.

Has anyone got any ideas about what I can possibly do to get him to chill out a bit. I refuse to stop seeing my parents, I love them very much and they adore DD and she loves having them around too.

[Dropdeadfred]

have you asked DP what his problem is directly?

[miffymum]

We've talked about it but i think it's simply her being there stops him from watching what he wants on TV, listening to his music etc... It's the feeling that he needs to be on his best behaviour I think. I've told him, as has she, to just watch what he wants, listen to what he wants etc but he doesn't and then gets irritated about it.

[Bluebutterfly]

Does your dp have a positive relationship with his own mother?

[ib]

Some people just need their personal space more than others - sounds like your dp is one of these.

I would just tell your mum that it's not personal, that's just the way he is and be a bit understanding towards your dp - he's probably making a big effort and some recognition of that may help him relax over time.

[compo]

I feel this way when my inlaws come, I just can't relax no matter how I tried. The best solution was when in the old house we didn't have a spare room and they stayed in a B&B

[MrsMattie]

He needs to grow up.

[miffymum]

ib I think you're right about personal space. Maybe i should try and praise his efforts rather than get upset when he complains.

BB his relationship with his own parents is difficult. He gets on with his mother but there are problems in the background there - more to do with his father tbh but I think his whole view on family is quite different to mine.

[Dropdeadfred]

to be honest though, for a few days he should be more than willing to forgo what he would normally watch/listen to because you have a much-loved guest in your house

what do you do in the evenings whilst she is here? could you get a film to watch together? play board games with a takeaway etc? something so you are not all bored of each other's tv choices?

[miffymum]

Maybe DVDs are the way forward. I tend to agree that he should be able to cope with sharing his space with more grace for such a short period of time though.

[gremlindolphin]

My husband is exactly the same and it also makes me sad so I send you lol. x

[DrNortherner]

My dh is the same too. My parents are staying with us over christmas - I'm already anxious about it now.

Funnily enough, he has odd relationship with his mother.