How much effort does your dp or dh make on your birthday and if not much does it bother you?

[Beauregard]

[miffed]

[WundaWuman]

Virtually no effort and it REALLY gets to me, to the point where i start to sulk like a six year old!

[Beauregard]

Dp's birthday was 2 days ago
Mine was today

I always make sure i have a present from me and some chocs off the dd's and cards.
I always make an effort with the present,spent a weeks wages to get him something i know he wanted.
Cue my birthday (same every year) i got cards and a box of chocs from dd's but from him i got nowt.In the card he wrote "I will get you a ticket for something later" (I am buying tickets to a show for a friend for christmas and he said he will buy me mine)

It isnt about the cost at all its just that he makes no effort and every year its shit to be frank.

[Beauregard]

I am obviously not worth the effort

[Dropdeadfred]

well tell him to get his credit card and get booking and next year tell him you would appreciate the gift 'on' your birthday not afterwards...

[Portofino]

Mine's useless. Last year, someone from work had a birthday the same day, and he went on their trip out. I was sat at home with the babysitter ready and waiting for an hour. We missed our reservation at nice restuarant and he wondered why i was being a bit "funny" with him.

This year i was 40, so not wanting to leave anything to chance I booked a week in the South of France. He did buy me a present, but no card and nothing from dd. So basically no effort on his part.

[Beauregard]

Wundawoman-It is really hurtful

[Beauregard]

Have just read him the riot act and he is making excuses.

[Beauregard]

We have been together for 17 years.
His family dont bother so it must rub off on him even though i know it hurts him when he doesnt even get a card off his family.

[Beauregard]

I do tell him,i just said that im obviously not worth the effort.All i get is "what you goin on about" or "I cant afford much"he said i am going online now to get a ticket for you.I said i wouldnt mind if i had something really small but it is the thought thats gone into it that matters.

[Beauregard]

God how long can a shitty relationship go on for?

[WundaWuman]

i know, this year was pretty bad - box of chocs from sainsbury's bought that morning. i felt really shallow about being cross but as you say, it is the same time every year! it just a complete lack of respect

[Beauregard]

We dont have it good no but things like this just make it more obvious.
He just buries his hand in the sand and carries on.

[scotlass]

My DH is lovely to me in many ways but an absolute nightmare when it comes to making me feel special on my birthday. Usual excuse I ran out of time (my response - you've got a whole year ffs, how much time does it take??).
I'm still waiting for him to sort out a card from DD a week later so I've told him forget it. He did send me a card and bought me a jacket.

To be honest I have had the conversation about it making me feel sad, undervalued and pissed off but the next year it's the same.

I'm now just resigned to the fact he's useless at this but does show his love and appreciation in many other ways so have decided not to waste time worrying about it and go out with my friends instead!

[Beauregard]

yes thats it a lack of respect.

[scotlass]

sorry cross posted

If it's a sign of the bigger picture then yes it needs to be the start of a bigger talk on values and respect

[Beauregard]

Its always the same though,only i can see any problem.
I talk he listens and i just get more angry.

[WundaWuman]

if you are happy to accept this it's just the way your DP is - like scotlass - then that's fine, there was something on here a while back about communication i think and that some people being 'present' people and others are not.

However, if their are other issues then it could be difficult for you to let go - i know it is for me!

[scotlass]

It's hard when your DH doesn't seem to communicate with you, I can sympathise. I did some stuff at uni once on psychology about communication and it made me realise that I adopted a 'mother' approach and he adopted a 'child' approach, i.e I ranted and he just kept his mouth shut. So I try and stay calm and leave long silences until he speaks to me - week ends away on our own help too so we can get our bug bears off our chest.

[Beauregard]

We make a great parenting team but as a couple im not so sure we do.
God i should have namechanged.

[Beauregard]

Think i started a thread the same this time last year.