I'm just trying to get some accurate advice here for my brother in law.
He has been divorced from his wife for a few years now. They have two children (now 7 and 9)who his ex wife has always allowed him to see ever since they first split up. He has been sporadic with his access and his commitment at times (and no one is trying to condone that) but even through this she has never had an issue with letting him see them and they've always been happy to go. He has also always provided for them well financially, and still does.
However, about 18 months ago his ex met a new man on the internet who moved in with her almost immediately. It soon became apparent that he was jealous, untrusting ,controlling and manipulative and the children started calling him "daddy" within a matter of a few weeks and referring to thier real dad by his first name only. The new man didn't work (and when he did it was always from home on internet poker) he also eventually insisted that my BIL's ex wife gave up work too as he couldn't trust her there so she was always at home and she is now never to be seen without her new man at her side. She has also cut all ties with her family and friends. This man also has a daughter of his own who he is apparently not allowed to see - no one seems to know why although we'd all love to know.
Anyway, that sets the scene.
The problem here is that the contact which the children were initally being allowed to have with their natural father (my BIL) after their mum met her new man got less and less and a couple of months ago it stopped completely. My BIL's ex wife sent a letter to his solicitor telling him that the children do not want to see him anymore. It has been made clear to him this is their choice and she is not willing to force them.
He is now reduced to trying to speak to them on the phone by phoning them when they are at their nan's house (his ex mother in law who is trying to facilitate what she can in order for them to keep some sort of contact). The older child will speak to him (but said later to her nan that she may get into trouble if her mum and "dad" find out that she has), the younger child will not speak to him saying he is scared of him (my BIL has never done anything to either child to warrant them feeling scared of him). When asked why he is scared of him or what has happened to make him feel that way he just replies "I don't know".
My BIL desperately wants to re-establish proper access visits with the children again but doesn't know what to do. He's not entitled to legal aid but his ex wife is. He is remarried and has another child now and is worried that if he goes through a long drawn out court battle it could ruin him financially and although he might get access reinstated, his ex could still say at the end of it that she doesn't mind the children seeing him but it's them who don't want to see him so he will be back to square one.
It seems both the ex wife and the children have been totally braiwashed by the new "dad" who seems to be a cross between Father Christmas and God. There have been several odd things that have happened since he has been on the scene, for example, twice their tyres have been slashed and twice the new man has blamed it on the children's father without any proof and has told the children that it was their dad who did it. My BIL hasn't touched their tyres and would enver put the children's safety in jeopardy. The new man sent a threatening text to my BIL who informed the police about it and they went and cautioned the new man.
The children are also encouraged to use the new man's surname (even though they haven't chanaged their name officially) and when the younger child wrote his real dad's name on a painting he did at his nan's his older sister crossed it through and put the new man's surname and said he would be in trouble at home for using his real name.
There has also been talk about them moving abroad to live and when they were still seeing my BIL the children asked him if he would give his permission to let them go which he told them he wouldn't.
This man seems to have waded in and within a few months hijacked my BIL's children and just airbrushed him out of their lives and their mother is complicit in it all.
I'm really sorry for the long ramble but am upset that t he children are too young to understand how they are being manipulated. They adored their new stepmum and now can't see her. They also have a new half brother whose development they are totally missing out on. They are being totally denied a relationship with a whole half of their family.
I firmly believe that no parent has the right to take it upon themselves to deny their child the right to have a relationship with their absent parent unless there is a very compelling reason for it - like it would put their safety in severe danger. I can't believe what this woman is doing.
Has anyone got any ideas on what my BIL can do about this awful situation?
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Relationships
Dads and access to children following divorce
Gunnerbean · 23/10/2008 20:48
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