MiL said something really racist today and I feel really cross about it!!!

[Jazzicatz]

I sometimes think that if I sit and talk with her for too long I will say something I regret!!!!

[chequersandchess]

Oh dear, what was it?

[WinkyWinkola]

I know what you mean. I sometimes wonder whether it's worth making a fuss about this kind of thing.

My MIL once said, "Oh I found a good handyman. He's a muslim but he's alright."

I was amazed. Sixty years ago, her race was being persecuted nearly out of existence.

I think next time I will say something. Perhaps you should too, OP. It doesn't necessarily have to be hostile.

[childrenofthecornsilk]

I have started to tactfully correct my mum when she says something like that. Partly because I'd hate her to offend somebody and partly because I don't want my ds's to pick up on it.

[NorkyButNice]

Anyone who has relatives/friends/colleagues etc HAS to take a stand and tell them that it's not acceptable to be racist or make "inappropriate" comments.

Even if they ignore you, you still need to make the point that you aren't willing to listen to it.

[Jazzicatz]

She knows it upsets me but that doesn't stop her - I sometimes think she doesn't realise its offensive!

[childrenofthecornsilk]

I think that for some people they genuinely don't know. My mum has never taken offence anyway.

[Kally]

Older people don't know about political correct'ness, don't know about stereo type'ing, genderizing... they just don't get it. The best thing you can do is explain to your children that there are people who speak like this out of ignorance. Explain that it is inappropriate and nowadays people have a better understanding of how hurtful it is.

My daughter is 10 and yet still I hear her classmates saying the most awful things about other cultures and races. She knows it's bad, points it out or says something like 'that's not nice'.

I think that if you raise your children to be tender and non racist that is all that matters, they will find out eventually that there are people stuck in a time warp. It won't change their views or make them think it's ok to be hurtful.

My brother can say things and my daughter will glance at me as if to say 'did you hear that?' and I will acknowledge her eye contact confirming that it's not ok and make mention of it to him. It's ignorance.

[Apollinare]

My FIL's day is one jolly round of sexist jokes, racist remarks and truly offensive homophobic chortles. His geographic target areas are not confined to one part of the world, but stretch outwards from Calais and Hadrians Wall and the volume level moves from ignorable to silencing the pub.

I always respond, but often with a wimpy 'I dont think you're supposed to say that nowadays' to a grade 5 glare. So now he says ' better not say that in front of 'appi face' rather than shutting up because its wrong.

[WinkyWinkola]

Funny though that some older people know what racism is and some don't. I'm not sure age is a reason to be ignorant.

[QuintessenceOfFrankenShadow]

Agreed Winkywinkola, but Age is a reason to not bother "educating" them. It wont work.

[andiem]

I don't think age is an excuse either
my fil says racist and homophobic things and now I just say please don't say that I don't want the dcs to think it is an acceptable word to use

[nooOOOoonki]

My FIL is always making racist 'quips' - I have to ignore him as he is worse than a toddler as all he wants is attention.

My MIL on the otherhand is a bit of a closet racist, I just try and re-educate her and she is slowly changing her opinons (a little bit)

age should have nothing to do with it.

Bloodand Mutts - Lovethyneighbour was meant to be a scetrical take on racism, unfortunately most of the country was too racist to see this

[tiredexplorer]

My MIL is totally out of the closet when it comes to racism. She didn't want DH and I to get married and when that didn't work, she told us we shouldn't have kids as they'd be bullied at school for being mixed race

You should have seen her skip with glee when DD1 arrived all light skinned and blond hair. That was practically the only thing she talked about for the first year of DD's life - how "lucky" she was to be "white".

Anyway, my advice is ignore it. She has a problem with people of other races but it's just that - her problem.

[suspookywoo]

OMG tiredexplorer. I can't believe your MIL said that about your DD1 . My friend who is mixed race but very dark skinned had a blonde haired blue eyed DS with her caucasian DH. When her DS2 came along, he was super dark with a gorgeous litle 'fro!! Have you had any further kids yet tiredexplorer to torment your MIL with?

[Jazzicatz]

The thing is they are not THAT old for it to be an age thing. My grandad was froma generation who were very racist, which whilst I hated it, could be put down to his very old age. But they are only in their 60's and are socially aware. They are just really insensitive at times and out and out racist at others. I know she knows how I feel about it, but she continues with it - it makes me feel sick sometimes!

[onager]

It's kind of funny that people think that "Love Thy Neighbour" and similar programs were racist. They were making fun of the idiot racists and it wasn't even that subtle. It probably did more to put a stop to it than all the government's commissions and commitees.

Btw if someone says "he is a muslim, but he is ok" they probably are racist because they most likely mean Arab.

However not approving of someone because they are muslim can't be racist since it's not a race (plenty of anglo saxon muslims) but a religion.

It can be reasonable to disapprove of a religion. For example there are religions that say a child should be allowed to die rather than have a blood transfusion. I don't want to be friends with someone who would let a child die so I am against them.

[Jazzicatz]

This wasn't about Muslim's, which is another topic which she says sickening things about. This was about black Jamacians. One of their friends were there having lunch and they were talking about an investemnt this man has in a Jamacian business. He was saying that in Jamacia they have a different work ethic and due to his 'English' way of doing things, many of the work force were off with stress related illness. MiL piped up that that's blacks for you as they are lazy - not just in the Carribean but here also . He actually replied that he wasn't just talking about the black Jamacians, but also included white, which MiL replied that she was surprised about that as it is the black kids who are lazy and known for it thats why they don't do well at school.

It actually makes me feel sick writing it - that is just plain racism isn't it????

[onager]

Yep, I agree. That's racism and it's ignorant.

The work ethic comment wasn't (or probably not since I didn't hear how he said it) since there are cultural differences.

[Jux]

yes it is. She knows how you feel and has no sensitivity about it, so I don't think you need to show sensitivity towards her when she is racist/sexist etc in front of you. Reply with the pithy comment a few times and she may shut up.

[tiredexplorer]

That is racist but sadly there's very little you can do about it. Trying to enlighten her about her ignorant views will just convince her that she's right - political correctness gone mad and all that rhubarb. If she makes such comments in your home, tell her it's not on and give her the option to leave. If it's in her home or around your DCs, politely explain that you feel it's wrong to make such comments and you don't want your DCs exposed to such views and leave.

suspookywoo, we've got a 3 month old DD2 who is the spitting image of DD1 so apparently that confirms MIL's theory that I have "weak genes".

[Helsbels4]

I was about to come on here spouting that I think people are too sensitive nowadays and you can't say anything about anyone without being accused of being racist - sticks and stones and all that - but after reading your MIL's comments, they are quite simply racist. Not acceptable.