Having been in a happy relationship for 18 years, I was a little shocked, when my husband announced last year that he thought our marriage was over and that he "was in love with someone else". Left to stay with friends for a couple of days, ended his one month old "non-physical" relationship with female from work and came back with all the facts. We struggled on trying to get over things, going through what everyone else seems to go through, but he had been distant and angry for some months prior to relationship and this never diminished. This coupled with my emotions made things very difficult and at the end of February this year, after a month long holiday in Oz, I decided that I was not "feeling the love"(!) and needed some reassurance that nothing else was going on. I had been suspicious of this, with no real evidence - just gut feeling. Accused of being paranoid, ruining things, not moving on etc. During this period I lost about 2 1/2 stones, not sleeping etc
Managed to locate on-line mobile bill when home in UK and establish that relationship had ended for a couple of weeks (whilst she had been on holiday in Aug 07 as it turned out), but continued from end of August to end of Feb.
Getting over this, when during that period he had appeared to be trying, attending counselling etc, telling me he wasn't seeing her, loved me etc has been enormously difficult. It's almost like double the deception and I feel so stupid.
We both attended counselling independently, and it seems that he had been suffering from clinical depression
In May, he suffered a siezure, thought to be induced by stress and we both felt we needed to get a grip. Easier said than done of course, but we have done our best. Just feels like it has all been bottled up though - all the feelings are still there, we just avoid speaking about them.
I love him dearly and do believe that he is with me now, however, the trust is still absent, and I still get anxious, worried etc.
Four weeks ago, having had investigations for the seizure, we have been told that he has a brain tumour with survival rate of 5 -10 years. In the same week, my father and his mother have both had significant health "shocks" - leukemia and blood clots on chest... So much stress all at once.
During the last week, all my anxieties about the affair appear to have re-emerged, and I feel like I'm on my knees, when I really need to be stronger than ever. The guilt is incredible - I want to make him happy, more than ever now. Any advice?
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Relationships
Help - Getting over an affair, quick!!
7 replies
completelylost · 09/10/2008 13:30
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