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Relationships

Divorce and emotional bullying

6 replies

Catol · 05/10/2008 17:09

I am new to this but thought it may help me.I am divorcing my husband because of an affair he was having. I tried to forgive him but found out he was still in touch with her. I have moved away to start a new life and have the support of my family.
Thing is he is now saying that i do not deserve any maintenance as i left and is unwilling to pay a decent amount for our child. he tells me that i ripped the family apart as i left and he hopes that i can live with what i am doing to him - i asked him if our child was happy and he went ballistic as he knows that they are. he now says he will tell his solicitor and try and make a big deal of it - he is trying to be the victim He is trying to get me to agree with things even though my solicitor has told him to stop. He tries to scare my by saying he will take our child away.Iam scared of his lies and of him. Has anyone had to deal with this?

OP posts:
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cremolafoam · 05/10/2008 17:22

Get good advice now at CAB or a better solicitor.Get a restraining order if you have to.
He is NOT the victim of this. He has contributed to the cause of it.he MUST take responsibility.The law says so

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mumoverseas · 06/10/2008 06:38

he is a bully and must be stopped.
He is not the victim but can't cope with the fact he was caught and you've been strong enough to get shot of him. 'how can you live with what you are doing to him?' sorry, thought HE was the one that had the affair! Twat!
with regards to maintenance, tough, he has to pay it, its the law! The courts do not have the power to make an order for child maintenance as that is now dealt with via the CSA so if you think he is not going to pay it voluntarily, then you need to consider making an application to the CSA asap. They sometimes take some time to make assessments but will backdate to the date of your application so the sooner you apply the better. The courts do however have the power to order spousal maintenance if approparite. ie, if you are not working and have no income of your own and need financial support, the courts can order him to pay you an amount of maintenance for a limited period of time. This would normally be until you are back on your feet, ie back to work once your child settled at school. Whether spousal maintenance is ordered to be paid depends on the overal circumstances of the case and therefore your solicitor will need to advise you whether it is appropriate in your particular case.
Ref his threats to take your child away, that is bullshit! Does he really think if he makes an application through the Courts for residence they will give it to him? I assume he is working? If so, how will he deal with childcare? He is just a bully and must be stopped. You must keep a record of all the various threats etc and your solicitor should write to him (again if already done) saying if it doesn't stop, you will have to consider a non-molestation order (basically an injunction ordering him to stop harassing you).
Be strong, you have already by taking the first step so don't let him stop you being strong now. x

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Freckle · 06/10/2008 06:58

This sounds like desperation on his part. He's screwed up and, seeing his marriage and family disappearing, he is thrashing around, coming up with anything he can to try to stop what is happening - and being very nasty into the bargain (does he seriously believe that this will suddenly make you thing "Hang on. What am I doing? This man is so wonderful, even though he's a cheat and a bully. I must go back to him"???).

Ignore what he says. You've already recognised what it is - emotional blackmail, so don't give in. If he persists, get your solicitor to apply for a restraining order.

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Lilysec · 30/11/2010 18:38

This is my first post but I hope someone can advise me. My soon to be ex-husband thank goodness as said unless it has the words "final settlement" on the end of the divorce he can claim half the house or money after we are divorced. What is he talking about. The house is in my single name, bought before we got married, he is not on the deeds,has never contributed to any bills or the mortgage and in the divorce it says I am not claiming maintenance and he is not claiming anything, so surely he can't claim after we have the Absolute. We have our Decree Nisi, so I can apply for the absolute in six weeks then surely he can't claim - can he?

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susiedaisy · 30/11/2010 20:22

Hang on in there, he is grasping at straws trying to break your resolve, keep in contact with your solicitor, go to CAB and get in contact with the CSA, try to remain proactive and take comfort in the support of your family, he ruined his family unit not you, never forget that when he is trying to twist your words, all the best.

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WhyHavePets · 30/11/2010 20:26

Lilysec, you need a "clean break order/agreement" ask your solicitor about it, once Ex signs that he cannot claim anything else from you at all.

If you need more advice start a thread yourself (possibly in the Legal section), mostly everyone here is really nice and very helpful Smile

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