advice about a friend

[susia]

I have a very old friend from 20 years ago. We used to be very close but live about an hour and a half away and she is married with four children whereas I am a single parent with one so don't see each other often now.

But one of her children is the same age as my son (she has two of 11 and 12, one of 5 one of 3) and I have a five year old.

Last year I suggested we all went camping for a weekend over the summer. She is a teacher so has the summer off. Anyway she said yes but wanted to leave it to last minute to arrange due to all the arrangements she has with four children. I wanted to plan it in advance as I felt it wouldn't happen otherwise and was right as we didn't plan anything and then one weekend she rang and asked if I wanted to go camping but I had arrangements. So, it didn't happen then.

This year again I suggested it and tried to arrange it with her in advance. We provisionally booked a weekend at the end of August but she said that if things came up she may have to cancel. That was about 2 months ago. Then she rang to ask if her and her youngest 2 could stay at the end of July as well which I said was good.

A couple of weeks ago she left a message on my phone saying the weekend of the 25th had to be cancelled as she had last minute holiday. I assumed the weekend in July and was a bit irritated as had started making plans about what we could do that weekend but not too much so. Anyway still assumed the weekend camping end of Aug was still on.

Tonight got a call from her saying that she'd have her oldest two with her and I twigged that she had been cancelling the August weekend in her July call (and was now calling about the July weekend which I had since made other plans for).

I felt quite annoyed as I felt that if I make arrangements with someone (considering that her and her husband have 5 weeks summer holiday) then I stick to it as much as possible and plan other things around those dates. Our conversation was really stilted as I said 'so you can't make either weekend then?'. It was then really awkward, I said that I had the answermachine message which said the weekend in July was the one she wanted to cancel. But have since listened to it and it is ambiguous.

What I am annoyed about though is that despite trying to plan it months in advance, she couldn't pencil in one weekend/weekdays (it could have been anytime in August)and just cancelled when she got a cheap flight deal and I would have thought that she would have made arrangements around that weekend?

What does anyone else think?

[ScaredOfTheFuture]

This sounds really thoughtless to me. If plans are made then they shouldn't just be provisional until something better comes along! You're right to be annoyed.

[JamesAndTheGiantBanana]

Why not try just making plans no further than three weeks away? that way she should be able to keep her dates with you, and it's not too much of a big deal if she can't.

I do see why you'd be annoyed, it's not so hard to keep a day or two reserved, but it's not worth falling out over. It must be hard organising entertainment and general life for four kids, too!

[susia]

I do agree that making plans with four kids must be really difficult especially as they are different ages. But making plans just a few weeks in advance I think would be the same.