I need to ask someone a favour, but I don't know how. Find words for me, please, wise Mumsnetters...

[PrettyCandles]

I need to ask a newish friend to look after my currently 20m rampaging monster (darling) of a ds one morning a month for about 6m from this September. This is in order for me to attnd a regular tutorial for a course I want to study. In spring 09 ds will start preschool, so I would - hopefully - be able to choose hours to match the tutorial.

It's really a massive favour to ask and I just don't know how to do it. I don't want her to feel pressured or uncomfortable about it.

How, please? There are so many eloquent and sensible people here, please will you advise me.

[dizzydixies]

has she mentioned before she'd be happy to help? have you even approached the subjec that you need help from Sept?

[TheRealPhartiphukborlz]

why the newish friend particularly?
cna you return the favour

[HuwEdwards]

yes, agree with dizzy, I think for this to come completely out of the blue would be a bit off-putting for your friend.

[TigerFeet]

Would you be able to return the favour? Does your friend have dc's?

You could say something like "This is a bit cheeky so please don't feel you have to say yes, but could you look after ds for one morning a month for me? I would be able to babysit one evening a month/look after your dc's one morning a month/ whatever in return."

If it helps, if I were your friend, I'd be happy to do it, especially if the favour were reciprocated

[hoxtonchick]

i don't think 1 morning a month is such a big ask. does she have children you could look after in return?

[mellyonion]

can you make it a "favour for a favour"?

i mean...could you put it to her that you need someone to look after your ds, and you were wondering if she would fancy doing this in exchange for you looking after her dc for a morning/afternoon/babysit one evening once a month too?

leave it with her to think over and make it very clear that there is no problem at all if she chooses not to take you up on it....(even if there is!!)

hope she helps you out!

[mellyonion]

oops...x posted. great minds and all that!

[WingsofaAngel]

Just say I was wondering if you would be able to help me out in September, I'm doing a course and need to attend a tutorial. Would you be able to look after ds.
I will pay you/baby sit for you/pay you in wine.
Please feel free to say no I won't be offended.

[PrettyCandles]

My friend knows that I want to do the course, and supports me in this, but I don't htink she knows that there are childcare issues. A place has just become available in this tutorial group, hence the suddeness of the request. She has children of the same age as mine, the older ones will all be at school, so it would just be the two toddlers.

I shall offer to babysit, that's a good idea. I think it is quite a big favour, because ds is a perpetual motion machine, and is not used to being left with anyone, so he would almost certainly kick up a major fuss for my friend. OTOH, he does know her and her LOs - which is one reason why I need to ask this particular friend.

[PinkChick]

ask if she can have yours this one day, youb wwill have hers the following so she can have time to herself!?

[dizzydixies]

I don't think there is any harm in asking tbh as long as you are upfront and give her some time to decide (although stressing the need to be able to tell course in time)

one morning a month isn't a lot and she may relish the return favour so she can do something herself

just make sure you emphasise the fact that she shouldn't feel obliged to do it and you won't be offended if she says no

[kerryk]

i had more or less the same problem only i was needing someone to pick up dd from nursery 5 days a week for the whole of the school year.

i asked a new friend that i have only known a few months because she is really lovely with my dd and both our dd's are the best of friends.

she will pick them up at 11-30 and by the time she walks back to her house i will be there 5 mins later.

when i asked her i said there was no pressure but she was really pleased to be asked, i also pointed out that i had a back up plan in case she/her dd was ever ill or fancied a few days away so there wont be any inconvenience for her.

i have also offered to pay her the same as i would a childminder but she has point blank refused so i will have to find another way to thank her.

[hana]

I would do what pinkchick suggested and actually choose another monring the same week as your tutorial so its not a vague offer of babysitting but a definate one to look after her dc

[fifisworld]

My best friend asked me to look after her dd 2 full days a week and every other saturday as she is struggling with childcare.
I now have my 6 month ds, 2 year old ds and bf's 16 month dd on my own..and i dont charge
But i know she'd do the same for me and offers to babysit