How do you go about getting councilling?

[FruitynNutty]

We can't afford to pay for it, is there a free relationship counceling service? I've heard of Relate but not sure if we have to pay or not.

Been with DP for 8 years. Have DS, getting married next year. I love DP so much but I cant put up with him. We argue more than we dont.
The last straw was: (and please tell me if you think I'm over-reacting - If I'm in the wrong, then hearing it from a stranger will be better)
DP has been away for the weekend for his best mate's Stag do. No problem with that whatsoever. I asked him what time he would be back on Monday (today) he said they had to be out the hotel at 10am so they would be leaving then.
I've been trying to call him all day, got through a couple of times by calling one of the other 'stags'. 1st time I finally got through was at about 2pm when he said he was still there and would phone me back in an hour. I waited, waited, and waited. Finally got through again on the friends phone at about 4.30pm. He doesn't know what time they're leaving but back tonight at some point.
I hear that they're not back till tomorrow so I ask him about this rumour and he said it's true, they might not be back till tomorrow.
Does this sound like he's taking the piss a bit? This isn't a first. Everytime he goes out he has to push it. He'll say he's going out for 2 drinks then not back till 4 the next morning steaming drunk.
Am I really a psycho for getting mad at him?

He reckons I live in a fantasy world and that I need a boring boyfriend
What I'd like is a fiance who respects me and thinks to call me when he thinks he wont be back when he said. We have a child FFS! I cant just go out and come back whenever I like. I feel a bit like a door mat.
If we dont get this sorted I dont think I can go ahead with the wedding . It's not just the above problem. We dont agree on lots of things.

[hls]

oh dear.

No, I don't think you are over-reacting- his behaviour sounds very immature and thoughtless. Did he not tell you it was a 2 day trip in case you were unhappy at that?

His reaction that you need a "boring" boyfriend sounds like an excuse for him to behave like he is still single and childless- which he is not.

The best route for counsellng is via your GP- some surgeries offer it at low cost, or they can advise you on who else might help. many counsellors have sliding scales of fees, but it is unlikely you could get it totally free, unless your GP offers it.

I certainly wouldn't commit to marriage when you are so uncertain.

[choosyfloosy]

You love your dp, you have a child together - good start. It sounds like counselling would be a really, really good idea. Have you already suggested it to him? It could be on the basis that you really love him, but you're sick of quarrels, and you think (via 'a friend of a friend' maybe, rather than 'a bunch of harridans off the interweb') that counselling could help with communicating a bit more calmly and effectively.

BTW I think he's taking the p*ss. Try and stay calm. He clearly reacts badly to being contactable - does he confuse it with being 'on the leash'? Is he worse when hanging out with mates?

Best wishes for the future.

[FruitynNutty]

Thank you so much for your advise. He told me they were going on Saturday morning and then back Monday - leaving Monday morning. They're a 3 hour drive away.

He has a way of making me feel like I'm the nut case, I'm the one with the problem. I'm almost believing it He said to me today that I'm a psycho who lives in a dream world. Well, I was screaming down the phone at him but I really couldn't help it. He pushes me to it.

I had no problem with him going away at all. I was actually looking forward to chilling out, just me and DS. However I was really looking forward to spending this afternoon with him . Like a lot of people, he works 5 days a week. Leaves at 8 and not back till 7.30 so we don't get much family time together.
Another thing that's bugging me is I asked him if he'd be able to take a day off work this week to go and visit a wedding venue (who dont offer weekend visits). He said he cant with it being a 4 day week already, it wouldn't look good if he took Friday off as well. So how come it's now ok to take tomorrow off?

I'm just rambling now, there's obviously a problem. I cant be without him, I cant imagine life without him. He tells me he loves me all the time so I know we can get through it. We just need some help.
Do you have any idea what "low cost" would be? We really don't have any spare cash what so ever so it would really need to be seriously low cost!

[FruitynNutty]

I meant to say: how come it's ok to take tomorrow off to carry on with the stag do?

[hls]

I am not sure about low cost. Years ago, it was about £5 but now it's more likely to be £20. Have you got any counsellors near you? Have a look at www.bacp.org - you could always phone a few to get some idea.

[Wisteria]

Don't relate charge a 'contribution type based on your income' fee?

I think it's relationship counselling you need as clearly the problem here is not really you.

I don't think you are overreacting personally if what you have described is the whole story, it is only courteous to let you know what is happening (you shouldn't have to be ringing his friends), as you point out, you have a child together. Ask him (not as soon as he gets back obviously but when you can talk calmly!), how he would feel if you did this and left him holding the baby!!

[hls]

wisteria- I am sure if is based on income, but I am not sure how low they go.

Fruity- just give them a call tomorrow.

[FruitynNutty]

Thank you everyone, I knew I could rely on MN girls! - that's my first smile since I got off the phone!

I'll call them tomorrow

[choosyfloosy]

Mmmmm. I have a slight [thunk] at the screaming down the phone thing. Not good.

Hope the counselling goes well.

[FruitynNutty]

I know choosy not good. But he interrupts me constantly when I'm talking so I have to speak louder and louder to be heard. Ah well. If he decides to come back at all by tomorrow then I'll talk to him about getting counseling. He has to agree really. He cant be happy either if it resorts to him lying about when he's coming home.

Thanks again

[FruitynNutty]

I've managed to convince DP to come with me to counseling. At first he thought it was a terrible idea and really went into one. Then I worded it differently. I said I'd like to go for me and would appreciate it if he came along for support A bit of reverse psychology doesn't do any harm I'm going to call them today