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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Back again...had enough

16 replies

newmummy27 · 20/05/2008 01:27

hi
cant sleep.. baby now 6 months.been having a really rough time but have passed the stage of wanting to end it all. i love him AND hate him. i hate the fact he has no understanding of me and seems to be treating how i feel like a game. my mental health is really suffering.his family are in wales and i would love to tell them how i feel, but they are 73.i would love to tell them he punched our door and put a hole in it, that he bangs his head off the door repeatedly. that he is an arsehole.id love to tell them the effect he has on me, the panic attacks when i am out, the flashbacks. blaming me. it is only in response to me he does these things..

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wrinklytum · 20/05/2008 01:30

Oh sweetheart.

Are you talking about your dp/dh?

This sounds like a really controlling man

Has he ever threatened YOU or baby??

newmummy27 · 20/05/2008 01:34

yes dh. no he hasnt threatened us. he says he loves us.

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Saturn74 · 20/05/2008 01:35

Have you seen your GP about how you are feeling?

newmummy27 · 20/05/2008 01:35

i think i am going to have to leave

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newmummy27 · 20/05/2008 01:38

yes seen gp. also going to pnd support group. i AM losing the plot. it has gone beyond. it has gone on so long.

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wrinklytum · 20/05/2008 01:38

What triggers the behaviour??

Is this since baby has been born??

Is it drugs/alcohol??Is he depressed/mental health probs??

(Sorry for q@s just trying to get a picture?)

This behaviour,though not directly threatening is still threatening,if you know what I mean)Especially if it causing you panic attacks,and you have been very low by the sounds of it,sweetie.

Saturn74 · 20/05/2008 01:43

You should be able to feel safe in your own home.
Is there somewhere you could go to stay for a few days?
A bit of distance may help you to decide your next move.

newmummy27 · 20/05/2008 01:46

wrinklytum. i dont know what triggers it. me trying to explain how i feel i think. no, no drugs/alcohol. i am internalising everything. i am almost too scared to speak.

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newmummy27 · 20/05/2008 01:49

maybe i will go and stay at my dads. i am sinking.

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wrinklytum · 20/05/2008 01:53

I think,HCis right.Can you find somewhere to go for a few days,a friend??

You shouldn't be scared in your own home.

If nothing else it may make him consider his irrational behaviour.If you are scared you need to get out,for your own health and that of your baby.

Having a new baby IS an exceptionally difficult time.I had (Undiagnosed) PND with my second.I think if you could take some time out it will help you collect your thoughts as well.

Maybe he feels overwhelmed too,but finds it difficult to talk about??

newmummy27 · 20/05/2008 01:53

sorry i think i am on the verge of a breakdown.

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newmummy27 · 20/05/2008 01:56

i cant even concentrate on your replies

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wrinklytum · 20/05/2008 02:02

You can do this!!

Ring your dad,ask him to come over.

thewiltedrose · 20/05/2008 02:09

At 10 past 2 in the morning? I hink what this lady needs is to go to bed so she can think straight in the morning and decide what she wants to do then! If your still up then go to bed!

HappyWoman · 20/05/2008 06:43

Oh love

You do sound like you have PND and i really do hope you have the help you need.
It is a scary place to be - i have had panic attacks and they are terrible.
There is help and hope - it will be slow but please do not be afraid of ADs they really did help lift me out of my black hole.
Is some of his anger because he does not know what to do? Sometimes it is frustrating to see someone sinking and knowing there is nothing you can do to help them. Men like to 'fix' things and find solutions rather than realising all you want is a listening ear.

Please do ask for help wherever you can and i hope you do work through this. Take care.

littlewoman · 20/05/2008 07:55

I'm very sorry he is frightening you and making you sad.

Do you think he feels trapped? (I know you probably do too). Once you've got a baby there aren't so many choices left and you just have to get on with it, but men sometimes have difficulty settling into the role of daddy and want to carry on like jack the lad. Do you think this is his problem?

Go take a break at your dad's, let your family give you the love and support you really need at this time. It might be a lot easier to see clearly from there.

You don't have to make it sound like 'I'm leaving you', you just need to say that you need more support than he can offer at the mo so you are going to take a break at your dad's. Maybe then he will take you a bit more seriously. Don't let all this lead you into a breakdown, newmummy. It's okay if you can't cope - the problems really begin when you can't accept help. Go get some help, love.

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