Hello all again, I thinks its been months and months since I've posted. I had internet probs and real life probs too but I desperately need advice about my mum.
my mum has always been a bit of a manipulative sort of person but I've always put up with it but I just don't know what to do.
My dad died last year (6th june) which was almost 3 weeks after my dd2 was born. My mum coped reasonably well, she went back to work and got on with things. She started to do things like travelling to austaralia on her own which she would never have done before.Of course she had her bad days. I still do.
Towards me though she could be a bit of a bitch at times, I was there for her 24/7, everytime she rang in tears.I sat and talked through my dads death with her and I buried my own grief and still do. I think there was a time a few months after my dad died when I felt really rough and I told my mum and she told me that I had no right to grieve as much as she had because it just wasn't the same losing a father than a partner. she said I was to get over it as she didn't need unhappy people around her.She made me feel very guilty about grieving for her dad especially when she was grieving so much.
more recently Her mum has been quite ill following a fall, she has been stuck in hospital for about 6 weeks and is slowly deteriorating. She lives in kent and we live in North Wales Not far from my mum. It does mean a trip down everyweek tom see her and I.ve accompanied my mum quite a few times and also gone on my own with dp to see her too to give my mum a break.
My mum isn't coping very well but it again has all fallen on me to cope with her again. Her and my brother have a very complicated relationship which I don't want to go into yet. There is only me around.
I have phone calls several times a day from her. Today I have had 8 lengthy calls from mum. She is in Kent visiting my nan and so far she has rung me 8 times and each time she tells me that she is so exausted and suicidal. She is going to take a handful of pills because she wasnts to end it all.
She gets annoyed because I'm trying to get the kids sorted for tea, or bed or the baby etc. She tells me I should stop what I'm doing and talk to her because she is more important. If I can't speak or don't agree with what she says she starts crying and says don't please.. I might as well be dead if you can't support me.. or she says very icily fine your another person I can't rely on then!!
I just don't know what to do for the best, it is making me ill, I self harm anyway and anything like this just makes it worse. I know she must be finding things hard as the anniversary is coming up (very hard she's just been on holiday to Mallorca I know she needs support but I don't knmow how much more I can give, my emotional space is running out. She has just phones me aghain crying down the phone cos she accidently drove her car into my nans neighbours gate. She's ok, it wasn't at speed she just bent the wheel trim.
If I dare go out to a friend or to town or shopping she goes hysterical if I miss her call, she makes commnets like where the hell have you been I need you to be able to answer your phone at all times and if that means putting your life on hold then thats what you have to do'.
What the hell do I do it making me ill.
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sheepgoMEEP · 19/05/2008 17:30
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