counselling - one step forward, two steps back!! anyone had similar experiences

[TLV]

One minute I feel we are getting somewhere and then we go back, we had a row night before counselling session which turned out to be a good thing (sounds daft i know) but we were able to discuss it with the counsellor and get something out of it however, we ended up rowing that same night and I felt what we discussed and how we should be handling the way we argued went straight out the window!

Perhaps its a learning curve and it will take time and although i know and see the changes i'm making i certainly didn't feel like i had seen any on his part. I think i'm expecting way too much sometimes and then i spend time worrying about whats happened and if dh is going to change his mind about us (not productive i know) he hasn't I should add. We only have a few sessions left (they are free) I'm thinking we might need more or perhaps we should try going it alone and then review in a few months time as to whether we should go back.

[thirtysomething]

it's all part of the process unfortunately - think of it as climbing a hill, except that on your way up to the top you often slide back down a bit first. when you get to the top you'll know about it! Try not to analyse the process itself but focus on what you're learning/changing along the way

[Anna8888]

You need to learn not to row, but to discuss your differences calmly and analytically, to wish to cooperate with one another for the greater good of your family, and to compromise where need be.

Can you make this the aim of the counselling?

[TLV]

I'm sure it is on our list of things to discuss and sort out, we went through it with the counsellor and she said if we couldn't sort it then we could not move on, suppose when we react the way we do and have done for a long time then it will take time to change

[Anna8888]

Absolutely, if your and your DH trigger each other into a row, you have to break the trigger effect - which means recognises what triggers a row, and then learning how to have calm conversations about differences of opinion.