Oprahs seven signs of infidelity

[FluffyMummy123]

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[FluffyMummy123]

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[TotalChaos]

I don't agree with Red Flag 2 (or at least not for women). As so much emphasis is placed on women's weight and appearance in media etc, that I think women want to do this stuff for themselves.

I agree with you on 5 - that knowing about affair doesn't = thinking he will leave you.

[Miggsie]

...I suppose no one wants to be nice to the boss's wife if they know she is soon for the push...

I notice these rules apply to a certain social strata, even if my DH was cheating madly he could not afford to buy me a car!

[FluffyMummy123]

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[littlewoman]

Agree with icod on point 5 - embarrassed more than 'why be nice?', but still a valid point.

Oh, I've had every one of these points done to me. You should have seen my face when he presented me with some flowers after I'd taken an exam. They weren't to impress me, but to impress the young girl I was with at the exam, so she would think 'what a lovely man. I wish he was mine'. I looked at him like 'WTF? You never buy me flowers. What's going on?' So that one backfired on him a bit!

This post brings back memories of the good old, bad old days

[binkleandflip]

God - how long-winded, 'thanks' Oprah for collating the bleeding obvious - no wonder she's rich !! Or to summarise...

.... TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS THEY ARE 99% ALWAYS RIGHT!!

[FluffyMummy123]

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[stirlingmum]

Ah, hindsight it a wonderful thing

I agree, number 5, people would probably be embarrassed!

And I think with No.2, it means if you make some big changes to your appearance.

Doesn't say anything about just being a miserable b**d then??

[binkleandflip]

me to and I'm not - only in my head

[HereComeTheGirls]

I have done number 1 and am not having an affair....

[WileECoyote]

It's all well to say trust your instincts, though I absolutely agree but the criticism goes a long way into making the decieved partner feel their instincts are untrustworthy. Unfortunately!
The deceived partner's queries or actions upon following instinctive niggles tend to be faced with denial on the part of the deciever and assertion that the decieved is stark raving bonkers for even considering the mere possibility of such a thing (as well as stupid, heartless, ugly, useless, etc, etc.)

It's not only about demoralising and degrading the decieved, it's also, importantly, about creating a truth~ seeking self justification for their behaviour, for which there really is none!

[littlewoman]

Number 2, my xh always, always wore black trousers and a shirt, as though he was dressed for the office (though he never worked, the git!)

When he had an affair, (and he had several), he would suddenly start buying trendy stuff like combat trousers etc.

Here's another good clue: Becoming manic about the cleanliness of the car. He always used to say he was giving one of his friends a lift to the airport, so it had to be clean or they would think he was a slob. In reality, he didn't want sweet wrappers and fag ash stuck to his arse when he was rolling around in the back with her

[FluffyMummy123]

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[littlewoman]

Are you saying ergghh about his behaviour or the natural state of my car icod?

[FluffyMummy123]

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[WileECoyote]

Hmmm, for example, my relationship with exP was not an abusive relationship until the moment he took up with heartless, callous OW. At which point it became one of the most abusive experiences of my life.

Which is why (apart from the fact he's attempted to take back all the rubbish he came out with) I know it was just a load of hurtful self serving tosh. Now.

[ivykaty44]

*taking care of their own appearance
*new perfume or after shave
*mobile on silent, texting and taking calls outside
*making big dramas over what seems small details

• presents of any value - guilt gifts from flowers to diamond engagment or etenity rings tie or cuff links
  
  four of these things or more happening and something is amiss in my experiance

[Alexa808]

agree with icod and stirling, these 'flags' are very american. Usually people tend to keep their distance at an office party because they don't approve of their boss'/colleague's behaviour but daren't say anything and feel sorry for the wife but don't want to meddle.

Depends on what you're used to in a relationship but I get small things from my dp, or sticky notes with lovely stuff on them, he even bought 2 summer dresses for me recently and gave me flowers for mother's day (tentatively as I was 8 weeks pregnant by then). So if he continued that it wouldn't be an indicator at all.

And he always wants to look good and is really meticulous and stylish in his appearance, so I wouldn't notice at all.

I guess as women we just 'feel' something has changed isn't quite right. Love the book Blink on tis topic. A gut feeling that something isn't quite right. A look into cell phone, bank account, etc. then proves the theory et voila, Monsieur has been paying attention elsewhere...

It's the criticism and blame, the shifting of guilt onto an innocent wife's shoulders and the constant drip feed of making the wife feel insecure which is pure poison and shows something is terribly amiss.

I have to add that over the years I've also come across a good percentage of women who do turn a blind eye to extramarital activities and cling on to their social status/perceived perfect lives like glue. Even if they inwardly hurt and are unhappy about the situation they'd much rather be Mrs. X then stand up for themselves and re-establish equality and show their kids that a wife's role is not being an unloved doormat but a person with spirit and pride.

[FluffyMummy123]

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[FluffyMummy123]

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[Alexa808]

Yes, obsession with phones, blackberry, any comms and loads of sneaking around.

[littlewoman]

All three are disgusting: him, her, and the car

I agree, WileE, the 'you're paranoid' stuff does undermine the deceived partner's confidence in their ability to see the world clearly. But I think sometimes that the deceived partner would rather believe they were wrong than right (I always preferred to think I was paranoid, rather than that he was actually having an affair, even though you can see from my statements above that I did actually know). I was complicit in his campaign to prove me paranoid, because it was less painful than the other alternative of facing up to the truth.

I was sick, sad little woman.

[littlewoman]

Which also agrees with Alexa, X post, sorry

[Gobbledigook]

I knew this would be your thread cod!

Dh and I have just had a good old laugh at those!

I'm always telling him to do some exercise - I am a bitch but not having an affair