Toxic parent: Has anyone written-emailed their feelings about their parent to them and been able to go on to form some sort of relationship with them or has it just been the final closing chapter of that relationship?

[BuckBuckMcFate]

bit drunbk. Only way i can copr e with this at the momeont.

Long story but back in contact with my Dad

[BuckBuckMcFate]

Anyone?
Am i kidding myself tht thais will havew a happy ending?

[BigBadMouse]

Not sure...My sister did it to my mum but she did it to end the relationship for good -and it worked.

Maybe if you want it to have a happy / resolved ending you can word it accordingly and that will work (poss best not to write it when drunk though eh? )

[BuckBuckMcFate]

Lol BigBadMouse - good advice!

was only slightly merry when I replied, DP checked it before I sent it so thinking it was ok.

I just want acknowledgement(?) of how hte whole relationship jhad made me feel

He just seemed to want ot rehash the whole thing he said, she said style [sigh]

[BigBadMouse]

I know what you mean. When it gets thrown back in your face it just effectively continues the abuse. I hope you get some sort of acknowledgement about how it made you feel.

Don't know your personal circumstances but the psychology is all the same from what I can tell

Good luck - don't get too sozzled and hung over

[BuckBuckMcFate]

Even more good advice BBM!

Just hurts toom uch withioyut the alcohol

[PurpleOne]

I did this to my parents last christmas.

After not talking for 4 months, I fired an email off simply telling them how I felt about the way they treated me.
It didn't work, so be very careful how you word it.
We now haven't spoken for 9 months now.
They never even sent me a birthday card. They don't even talk to my children anymore either.
I think it was the final chapter?

It wasn't even my fault, I only asked my mum not to smoke in my home as I was attempting to give up the fags.

I wish you good luck though.

[BuckBuckMcFate]

Why do they do this purple one?

Can you think of any reason that would stop you form speaking to your DC??

This has been going on for at leat 16 yeears now

[PurpleOne]

Cause they are controlling, heartless bastards BBMF. That's why they do it.

16 years is far too long IMVHO, you are courageous and brave for putting up with it for so long.

What exactly is going on with them, if you don't mind me asking?

Cause theres a great thread 'but we took you to stately homes' here in relationships that would be good. Sorry don't do links
My story is in there, and I honestly thought it was me...it was them all along. Am a chronic depressive and a functioning alcoholic now.
Did you send the email hun? My advice is not to get pissed and type it. Do it sober and write it on paper first (less damaging that way)
Maybe offload in the letter and then ceremoniously burn it outside?

[ALMummy]

Yes I did about three years ago. There was a vicious flurry of emails back and forth after they slagged my one year old DS off. On my side they got progressively more enraged until I told them everything I had ever thought of them - they were extremely toxic, especially my Mum and trying to continue this behaviour with DS.

We didnt speak for over a year, talked again, then stopped talking again for another year but are friends again now and their attitudes towards my DC are totally different now - ie normal. I dont know what goes on under the surface with them but I dont care really as long as they treat me and my DC decently.

[mogwai]

I wrote my mother a letter when I was pregnant, but before I'd told her about the baby.

It was crunch time, I suppose. I didn't want to continue having an on/off relationship with her because I thought it would be harmful to my child.

The reason for the on/off relationship was that I was very angry with her about emotional abuse/neglect.

She responded to the letter but tried to shift the blame. I wrote back saying I wasn't satisfied with her response.

She wrote back accepting the blame and later said the letter had been cathartic to write.

My daughter is almost three now. She loves her nana and she's a huge focus of nana's life. I'll never forget and not sure I've really forgiven but will never mention a word about it in front of my daughter and maintain a more harmonious relationship with my mother as a result.

[ActingNormal]

I am thinking about doing this but I think you have to put a lot of thought into it if you want the relationship with them to continue.

If I did it and they didn't want any more contact with me I don't think I would feel much and it would be a relief in some ways, so it seems less dangerous to do it. I'm still scared though and not quite ready yet. I'm scared of confrontations and causing a scene (something my mum told me not to do as a child).

I don't think I will be completely over things until I do it though.