Tell me how to stop caring that my mum doesn't care.

[PengTheMerciless]

Normally I'm really okay with it. It's not ideal, but I can't change her, so I have changed my reaction to her. If she doesn't want to be close then I don't expect her to be. Fine.

But my defences are so low and right now I really do care. It's my due date today. My mum hasn't called me for a chat in over 3 weeks. That's a bit odd, isn't it? Then, last night the phone rang - it was my dad. After we'd chatted for a while he sort of forced my mum onto the phone - we chatted about nothing for a minute or two, she asked when my due date was (she doesn't even know!) and then said she'd better go and "let me get on". Speaking to both parents took less than 8 minutes.

Afterwards I felt really silly - I was gabbling trying desparately to tell them how dd's doing and how I'm doing and stuff and they were just trying to get off the phone.

I don't care if I'm boring, they're my parents - can't they fake interest for one fucking phone call a month?

So now I'm feeling a bit silly and needy, but also confused and angry that I'm made to feel this way when really all I want is for my mum to give me a call now and then and ask after me.

I do call them usually, but then sometimes I get stroppy and think why do I bother? And when we do chat it's all about them.

Am I expecting too much?
How can I care less?
I can't make them care so I need to alter myself in some way.

[Saturn74]

Oh Peng
Sorry you're feeling down.

Have you ever told your parents that you feel a bit neglected?
Perhaps you seem to be doing such a fab job of everything, that they forget that everyone likes to be made a fuss of now and again.

Especially when they have a baby due at any moment.

Just look forward to the arrival of your little one for now.

But maybe think of how you could have a conversation with your parents in the future.

Sometimes people need things spelling out to them a bit.

Good luck with your new baby.

[windygalestoday]

ahh hugs for you

thats awful and you are v vulnerable at the mo- you cant change them thats it-all you can do is get on with being the best mum you can be and either accept your relationship with your parents as it is or let them know how you feel and risk making it worse......personally id just get on with your life its their loss.

i have no parents and one one parent in law so my opinion might not be very apt.

hope all goes well with your new baby x

[PengTheMerciless]

Thank you both.

I think you're right. Concentrate on the baby for now and sod them. I'll probably feel better about it when I'm not quite so hormonal.

And they have said in the past that "we know we don't have to worry about you Peng, you're doing fine" which I suppose is a good sentiment, even if they're missing target by quite a bit.

Sorry you don't have your parents any more Windy - it must be a bit galling hearing other people winge about their parents.

[3kidsisquiteenuff]

my parents are the same not interested in me or my 3 kids it hurts they only live a few miles away and mum doesnt work .my parents have 4 daughters and since we all moved out its as though they think oh well weve done our bit time to sit back and relax .but it doesnt work like that.even when i have been very ill with pnd 2 times still nothing im very bitter about it and recently spilled the beans via texts and she was in total deinial and said she didnt realise i was so ill.
you cant force a relationship its either there or not.and in my case its the latter

[MrsMacaroon]

you're not being silly at all.....Dh's parents are like this and it has had a massive effect on him. After trying to confront them about it and getting a horrendous reaction, he's decided not to see them anymore. Just at a time that we're due to have baby number 2 (I'm a week overdue)... You have my heartfelt sympathies. Good luck with the birth x

[windygalestoday]

peng thankyou x

guess what happened this afty?
went to see my fil with all his army mates sat in the pub (the wednesday knitting club i call it to their disgust)and as i left he hugged me and said 'never forget your my daughter from my heart' isnt tht luvverly?

[PersonalClown]

Do you have my parents?
The only contact I have with mine is that they take DS out on Saturday for a few hours.
We don't speak on the phone, rarely go round etc.
I've kind of given up on expecting anything from them. It makes their disinterest easier to handle.
I don't get told anything that happens in the family, don't get invited to family BBQs/parties etc. It's like I haven't existed since I left home.

I guess my only advice is to try and concentrate on your DP/H and the little one. Make them the family you need.