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"But we took you to stately homes" part 3

(1001 Posts)
oneplusone Sat 01-Mar-08 14:10:21

Sorry for starting part 3 if it has already been started but i logged on just now and found the previous thread has reached 1000 posts. And my title is not very inspiring, Ally90, please help!

smithfield Sat 09-Aug-08 17:24:48

I understand completely what you are saying oneplusone. I am realising this is after all the breakthrough I needed.
I have to admit in the past I could not relate to your posts or what you were going through and I could not relate to the stuff AM said in her book, I read drama back then and it just brought me down.
I realise how adept I must be at 'avoiding' 'feeling' my feelings. The discomfort is overwhelming. I too have used anger, suppression, distraction anything but 'feel' the emotions that lay beneath.
I think I am only just beginning to access them now.
I relate to what you are saying about not having the empathy for another unless you are able to access those feeling because as Ive stated before I have a huge fear of shame and being shamed. This comes up often because I was shamed for 'everything' because nothing I did was good enough. I couldnt achieve the perfection my mother constantly demanded of me. I push the shame away with anger so quickly I am unable to feel the impact and discomfort of that feeling.
I think if I did allow myself to I would stop doing what I am doing to DH and it would safeguard dcs also. As it stands I do try and seperate and identify 'behaviour' that I am unhappy with for ds and I have and never will name call as was done to me because 'logically' I know what that does to self esteem despite not allowing myself to feel humiliation as I did as a child.
Last night it upset me though that DH cried and I felt cold sad

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