I am so angry at my husband right now!

[Disenchanted]

We have had a really, really rough time lately. We have been together 7 years but only got married 2 months ago.

I have temper issues and he has depression. The last week has been great I seriously havent got mad at him once, we have talked everything throug, Im controlling and I haven't been. Hes been out without me making a fuss ect...

But at 10pmm tonight he said he had to nip to my Dads to get this film he wanted to watch. I protested because it was 10pm (its only round the corner though, 2 mins max) so he said Ill only be 10 mins.

I asked him to hurry and not start talking to my BILs ect

and he came back 2 hours later.

Ive just lost it at him again

I really felt like id put that past me, like id moved on and wasnt that person anymore.

But how can i change when he goes back to his old ways first?

He promised to be back in 10 mins and we would watch the fil, now its past midnight and i spent the night alone waiting for him and then lost my temper.

I feel like ive gone 10 steps backwars and it was all for nothing

[SlartyBartFast]

where was he? chatting with BILS... sigh... don't know what else to say, hope it gets better.

[Disenchanted]

Yes thats exactly what he was doing.

And then he acts all apologetic... just dont do it in the first place!

I feel like an idiot now for loosing my temper but hes really upset me.

He cant just do these things then apologise! It doesnt work that way

[Alambil]

But you didn't just lose it for no reason - he went deliberately against his word to you and ruined the plans...

Don't feel bad; he deserved being told he was out of order because HE WAS.

Try to accept his apology. Try to let it go and move on - but also tell him (when accepting his apology) that you can't be expected to keep calm and tranquil when he acts like an idiot and goes against what he said he would do

[Tortington]

does he do it a lot

[Disenchanted]

Not alot, but we sorted out some ground rules which included

he can go out, mon , tue, wed, thu night

but keep fri night & weekend for us & the kids

and other rule was 'do as you say you are going to'

as in 'if you say you will 10 min then be 10 mins'

He said he didnt realise but he is a grown man and should be able to keep his own time, especailly as the point was made to him before he left and he knew i was sat waiting.

[skyatnight]

The ground rules sound reasonable. He sounds like a teenager rebelling against his mother. Is he getting some kind of kick from messing you about and you then losing your temper? He needs to grow up but perhaps you could also try not reacting to it and he might stop?

[Tortington]

do you both reallyhave to be with each othre all weekend?

dont you go out with friends?

why didnt you ring him?

[TotalChaos]

I can see it's a bit annoying, but what is your exact problem with him being out for 2 hours instead of 10 minutes in the evening, if you know he's with family? Not having a pop, just genuinely puzzled as to why it winds you up so much.

[Tortington]

i can see that someone saying " i will be 10 mins " then hbeing 2 hours is a complete pis take.

i can also see how its easier to say " i'll be ten mins" than to say to an angry and i predict controlling person " i am going out...and its ... saturday"

[theBOD]

yes he shouldn't have done it but equally you shouldn't be dictating to him that he can't go out as it's after 10 in the first place.
what do you think the advice would have been if you posted a thread saying "my husband won't let me go 2 minutes around the corner to get a dvd"? everybody would have rightly said that he is not your owner and to go and get the dvd if you want.

[sandcastles]

"but he is a grown man " EXACTLY! I am sorry, but you treat him like a child. He had been with you ALL weekend & took 2 hours out for a chat! Is that SO wrong? You haven't spent all night alone, you spent 2 hours alone. How would you feel if the tables were reversed?

I think it is VERY controlling telling him, firstly that he can't go, then making him promise to be only 10 minutes & not to talk to BILs, then balling him out when he is back late.

Dh popped to the pub with just 10mins notice after a mate called last night. 'Just a couple' he said. He left at 6 & rolled in at 9...I KNEW he would be longer, he always is. I wouldn't dream of having a go. He needs times out just like anyone else.