Hi. I'm a grown up child of an alcoholic father. I havent spoken to or seen him in about 3 years. I have DS aged 3 and DD aged 5 months who he has never seen.
I suppose I should give a brief outline of how things were.
I am one of two but my sister and I never discuss anything about the past, I think its for fear of upsetting each other because otherwise we are very close.
He is a very controlling, violent horrible man. He used to beat my mum regularly and the abuse with me and my sister was more emotional. He wouldnt beat us or hit us but constantly put us down, drag us out of bed at all hours of the morning to listen to very loud music with him and beat our mum in front of us.
Mum eventually left him after 21 years of hell, I was 17 and my sis was 20. Even though they split there was still contact and every now and again he would call, beat her and leave, just for good measure.
Contact ceased about 8 years ago but i would meet him occassioally for coffee, just to keep the peace.
However since having my own DCs I feel such resentment towards him cos i cold never do this to my DCs and cant understand how anyone can.
I made pact he would never see them cos he still drinks. Part of me is saddened that they will never know him and the other so relieved they will never endure what we had to.
I'm 34 now and still cry most times i think of my childhood...I suppose what i want to know is, does it ever go away or will it stay with me for ever?
Sorry for long posting but even feels good to get it off my chest.
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alcoholic father...long story(sorry)
21 replies
babyinarms · 15/02/2008 22:00
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