Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Can we have a thread about ways in which your partner initiates sexual intercourse?

(353 Posts)
FrannyandZooey Wed 30-Jan-08 20:35:35

Do they use certain words or phrases? Or is it more of an action thing?

and is it just mine who tries to think up comedy ones? hmm

emkana Wed 30-Jan-08 20:36:09

we need examples wink

DrNortherner Wed 30-Jan-08 20:38:25

Can we have sex tonight?

Pretends to rut me from behind whilst taking washing out of machine/making bed etc

Wear are your suspendres/sexy undies etc? I'd like to see them

You seem a bit tense - you need a good shag, that'll sort it

Romantic ny dh isn't he? hmm

FrannyandZooey Wed 30-Jan-08 20:38:28

well from the crush going ker-poof thread, a lot of people said their partners said "let's make love" or something

how do you ask each other for sex?

FrannyandZooey Wed 30-Jan-08 20:38:46

oh emkana I get it now derrrr

DrNortherner Wed 30-Jan-08 20:38:50

Where not wear blush

FrannyandZooey Wed 30-Jan-08 20:39:55

DrN re: the rutting thing

is he actually initiating sex or just being annoying? Does he actually think you are going to be overcome with passion by this? (oh what do I know, perhaps you are)

Going to bed before me. Then when I go upstairs, the bedside light has been left on. Always signals His Intentions.

ZippiBabes Wed 30-Jan-08 20:41:05

doh....can i make up an answer

i will fondly lick your hand if you say yes babe

He peers dowwn the back of my jeans to see what knickers I'm wearing and then states "I'm gonna HAVE you tonight..."

He's such a charmer... hmm

DrNortherner Wed 30-Jan-08 20:42:34

PMSL at being overcome with passion at the rutting thing grin

He's just letting me know he fancies a bit. He's deffo not a roses and satin sheet type of guy.

Sometimes he'll have a shower and de fuzz his bits then come and present himself to me....
God he'd kill me if he knew I was saying this on here.

God love him smile

MinkVelvet Wed 30-Jan-08 20:44:01

defuzz his bits??



Scootergrrrl Wed 30-Jan-08 20:44:34

Mine does that thing too - he calls it "jack-russelling" hmm like an over-eager dog, I suppose. I've almost managed to convince him that it reduces his chances to less than zero. I'm glad he's not the only one though.

fullmoonfiend Wed 30-Jan-08 20:45:27

oh jeezuz. Sometimes I think it's a mircale we ever concieved given the mixed messages me and dh give each other....I favour mind-reading and then get pissed off when I realise he is not psychic, he favours comedy and gets pissed off when I laugh!

FrannyandZooey Wed 30-Jan-08 20:45:46

I like the subtlety of the bedside light left on

zippi you hussy! get back on your wanking thread

ZippiBabes Wed 30-Jan-08 20:46:25

on my ironic pmsl

stuffitall Wed 30-Jan-08 20:46:29

he twitches his legs
i'm not joking

Yes, sometimes it's tempting to creep quietly back downstairs ... !

nannyjo Wed 30-Jan-08 20:47:31

I get "do ya want me to flick ya prawn tonight?"

now you need never wonder why our sex life is so crap (not that you were wondering)

DrNortherner Wed 30-Jan-08 20:48:00

BecauseI'mworthit - does that mean you only do it in bed?

DrNortherner Wed 30-Jan-08 20:48:31

PMSL at do ya want me to flick ya prawn tonight?


lazarou Wed 30-Jan-08 20:48:42

He says 'why don't you sit on my face'


fullmoonfiend Wed 30-Jan-08 20:48:50

oh now, let's not get judgey about locations wink

justjules Wed 30-Jan-08 20:48:53


brilliant grin

emkana Wed 30-Jan-08 20:48:55

It's a great relief to see that the emkana household isn't the only one in which champagne and roses don't really feature as a seduction technique.

Actually, have just realised.. one of us shuts the bedroom door.

That can only mean one thing.

And it is to reduce the chances of teenage dc overhearing anything. (Younger dc just snore merrily on).

I have never really worked out HOW one is supposed to shag when there is a teenager in the next room, but obviously, needs must sometimes...

Is rutting and jack-russelling the same as "dry humping"? DH does it as a joke, when I'm unloading the washer or something.. but it inevitably means he wants a shag..

DrNortherner Wed 30-Jan-08 20:50:32

Great answer for 'why don't you sit on my face'

Oh yes please I prefer that actually, cause your nose is much bigger than your cock.

ZippiBabes Wed 30-Jan-08 20:50:57

well the last person to ask me this was last tuesday and he said

who is in the house

i dd and her bf

he said i'll come over

i said no

he said they are having fun and you are all on your own

i said no they are asleep

he said you know you want to

i said no

he said call me when you are less busy
do you still have my number

i said yes i think so (txted him the word this to check)

he said i can come over

i said no

and i said night night

twas 3.00 am and he lives 45 minute drive away

then he rang me up lol

ok a bit convoluted but i am a joiner inner

lazarou Wed 30-Jan-08 20:50:58


notjustmom Wed 30-Jan-08 20:51:13

Message withdrawn

DrNortherner Wed 30-Jan-08 20:51:39

We laugh when I tell dh he needs to woo me. He says you woo when you are 'courting' not when married ......

lazarou Wed 30-Jan-08 20:52:08

I normally say 'fancy a fook?'

DrNortherner Wed 30-Jan-08 20:53:12

How can you fancy a bit when unloading washing machine/washing up/prepearing dinner etc?

Why don't men get that?

I seriously think they think about sex all day long. And women just don't.

FrannyandZooey Wed 30-Jan-08 20:53:27

you see this thread is very illuminating and sometimes touching

carry on

fullmoonfiend Wed 30-Jan-08 20:54:41

If dh actually gets out of bed before me on a weekend and makes the children's breakfast...I know he's buying us some especial time...hmm

Other than that we do seem to be reasonably in choon with each other and just sort of turn to each other.

Every 6 seconds isn't it DrN?

DrNortherner Wed 30-Jan-08 21:00:12

It wouldn't suprise me if it was every 6 seconds. Think my dh does.

fullmoonfiend Wed 30-Jan-08 21:00:34

whoop! there he goes again...

AlistairSim Wed 30-Jan-08 21:01:57

Dp stands in the doorway, any doorway, rubs his hands together in the manner of a butcher wiping the blood of recently slaughtered lambs from himself and says in a fake northern accent (because that's alluring, right?)

"Who's up for some rumpy-pumpy then?"

I can't believe we have ever had sex.

FrannyandZooey Wed 30-Jan-08 21:02:30

LOL at doorway

DrNortherner Wed 30-Jan-08 21:02:50

How did these men ever get a date?

fullmoonfiend Wed 30-Jan-08 21:03:31

Snigger, we lucky, lucky ladies, eh?

Do you fancy a little tickle?

Erm, no. Not when you put it like that I don't.

stuffitall Wed 30-Jan-08 21:08:08

i want a bit more than leg twitching
i would go for a northern accent and a bit of hand rubbing
indicates at least some excitement at the prospect

dyzzidi Wed 30-Jan-08 21:08:35

DH take your top off while i rub your back. cue 30 seconds of back rub before him wanting us both to be naked.

stuffitall Wed 30-Jan-08 21:08:53

or dry humping or ninja jumping

carmenelectra Wed 30-Jan-08 21:09:17

Shinyhappy, you must be having a relationship with my dp! He says the exact same thing!!grin.

Also, drnorthener my dp also'defuzzes' and presents himselfgrin

stuffitall Wed 30-Jan-08 21:10:03

or peering down my jeans or especially making breakfast and especially especially taking a shower

stuffitall Wed 30-Jan-08 21:10:43

ok who's managed to change their dh's wooing technique
and HOW

DrNortherner Wed 30-Jan-08 21:12:12

carmenelectra - glad it's not just mine grin

If I'm initiating it I strut around in soem sexy undies - always works!

FrannyandZooey Wed 30-Jan-08 21:12:28

I agree hand rubbing at least shows some enthusiasm

i think he is coming out top so far Alastair

stuffitall Wed 30-Jan-08 21:15:03

i don't know i quite like the knicker peering and the "i'm going to have you tonight"

shiny happy envy

DrNortherner Wed 30-Jan-08 21:15:15

The doorway thing worries me though - is it any doorway? Not even yuor own doorway?

carmenelectra Wed 30-Jan-08 21:15:32

Oh drN I do put the 'gear' on now and then too and he gets the messagegrin.

He sometimes says "Ive had a trim for you". Nice!

madamez Wed 30-Jan-08 21:15:49

Well I'm happily sinlge so it doesn't reaslly occur, but back in the day the most usual one I can remember would be (from which ever bloke it was), 'ere, we haven't had sex for ages (ie all of a week). But usually 'fancy a shag then ' has tended to work.

stuffitall Wed 30-Jan-08 21:15:56

does it then happen in a doorway?

stuffitall Wed 30-Jan-08 21:17:18

madamez what if it doesn't work how can I change this habit

do i have to tell him? in words?

DrNortherner Wed 30-Jan-08 21:17:37

I've had a trim - yes mine does that.grin

Lol at it happenning in the doorway.....

tissy Wed 30-Jan-08 21:18:02

I know because he comes up stairs immediately after me, rather than sitting in front of the tv for another half hour. He then jumps into bet and starts to grope me just when I've got to the good bit of my book.....

Shitemum Wed 30-Jan-08 21:18:46

DP never tries to 'woo' me during the day.
Usually it's 3am and a freezing cold hand creeps onto my tit from his side of the bed. Then I hiss 'Let me SLEEP'.
End of story.

DrNortherner Wed 30-Jan-08 21:19:11

God we are so the opposite in my house, if I go to bed dh knows he's not getting it. We never do it in bed.

fullmoonfiend Wed 30-Jan-08 21:20:17

Oh I forgot!! DH sometimes does his Sean Bean in Lady Chatterley impression and growls ''Ah want thi and ah Want thi now..get in t'shed...''

carmenelectra Wed 30-Jan-08 21:20:43

Sometimes he comes down afer a bath drying himself off , no clothes on and says "What you reckon then?"

stuffitall Wed 30-Jan-08 21:20:47

never in bed!
it's always in bed
i really need some excitement
must rush to that adultery thread to have fantasies pranged out of me

stuffitall Wed 30-Jan-08 21:21:25


get in t'shed


Califrau Wed 30-Jan-08 21:21:41

the defuzzing is concerning. If DH goe sto bed first and isnt alseep bythe ytime i get there he's either reading or sat up looking ...eager. He has that look which is all too often quashed with hisses of "not a chance bucko" or other such utterances.

DrNortherner Wed 30-Jan-08 21:21:57

Carmen we could be married to the same man. Mine does that naked swinging of his hip thing so his willy flaps around grin

FrannyandZooey Wed 30-Jan-08 21:22:34

and do you GO in the shed? [amazed]

DrNortherner Wed 30-Jan-08 21:23:25

She does have an allotment don't you fmf are you really shagging instead of fertilising turnips? hmm

stuffitall Wed 30-Jan-08 21:24:28

does he ask if you want your turnips fertilised?

fullmoonfiend Wed 30-Jan-08 21:25:13

er no Franny. Loofahs are not a turn on for me...

Have you never seen Seen Bean in Lady Chatterley?? Bucolic bonking at it's finest... at it's, er,

TheDuchessOfNorksBride Wed 30-Jan-08 21:25:39

zippi you are so making me laugh, babe.

At night it's either a back massage or following me upstairs. Any other time of day it starts with 'God you're sexy'. He particularly loves me pregnant so I'm hearing that a lot right now. [can't be arsed with it emoticon]

morningpaper Wed 30-Jan-08 21:27:34

mine generally lies on his back on the bed and is not reading

the lack of book is the clue

he is basically lying in wait

or he does the Jack Russelling - great expression grin

Wilkie Wed 30-Jan-08 21:30:05

PMSL 'Can I flick ya prawn?'

DH either rubs his morning glory against my back (wtf??) whilst whispering with morning breath - oooo I could just DO you!! hmm

or he Jack Russels (nice one) me in the kitchen

Or he wanders into the bedroom after a shower and sayd 'I'm all clean' whilst grinning and gesturing at his cock do I get anything done?? I'm just constantly overcome with passion!!!! hmm

Twiglett Wed 30-Jan-08 21:31:00

<sniggers at thread>

carmenelectra Wed 30-Jan-08 21:31:17

Im seriously worried now that we are having relationships with the same man!grin

Well, i was so worried, until i saw a pic of him on your profile!1 Its put my mind at restgrinthat they are different men.

lucyellensmum Wed 30-Jan-08 21:31:18

mine lies on the sofa, waggles his half erect willy around in his hand and says, do you want to suck this? erm..........well, actually, funnily enough..........NO

DrNortherner Wed 30-Jan-08 21:31:51

This thread is making me PMSL.

Where are all the women married to the men who pour champers/dim the lights/scatter rose petals and play Barry White whilst whispering sweet nothings?

fullmoonfiend Wed 30-Jan-08 21:33:05

hah! Just been reminded of all the Sid The Sexist come-ons in Viz...

''D'ya like jewellery pet? Well suck on this, it's a real gem..''

Wilkie Wed 30-Jan-08 21:33:17

Lucyellen - then tiy get a bit nearer, peering intently at his cock and there it is....a piece of underwear fluff stuck on the end [gin]


carmenelectra Wed 30-Jan-08 21:33:37

Yeah i get the "Do you want to suck this?" line as well or even, "You know you want it!"

Twiglett Wed 30-Jan-08 21:34:23

last time I got neck nuzzling <preens>

fullmoonfiend Wed 30-Jan-08 21:34:58

'd'ya like birds? Well suck on this, it's really fowl.. etc etc''

SpawnChorus Wed 30-Jan-08 21:35:51

DH looks pointedly at his groin while waggling his eyebrows. It's probably how Mr Bean would initiate coitus.


I'd do anything for a shag right now so probably on the wrong thread...

ZippiBabes Wed 30-Jan-08 21:39:08

actually this was the nearest i got tonight

is this email sex?

"pretty unlikely you'd see gravitons at that energy. but hey, what do i know?
i expect you to be dressed up as a sexy builder next time i see you now ;-)"

he is so much nicer

fullmoonfiend Wed 30-Jan-08 21:40:42

sexy builder? Now there's an oxymoron...grin

BitTiredNow Wed 30-Jan-08 21:40:52

Mine puts SO much forethought into it - struts in naked with a sheepish grin. Am actively encouraging children to come into bed with me to avoid it........ call me old fashioned, but desperation is seriously unerotic............

PussinJimmyChoos Wed 30-Jan-08 21:41:19

pmsl at this thread!

dh says either, fancy some fucky fucky


ahh I have a special balm for that

laughalot Wed 30-Jan-08 21:42:00

Why dont you get down on this bad boy !!!
How about f**K OFF

ZippiBabes Wed 30-Jan-08 21:43:41

i find the juxtaposition of long incomprehensible science bit and sex irrisistable (how the fuck u spell that)

DrNortherner Wed 30-Jan-08 21:45:24

Whilst rutting me from behind, if I try to wriggle away he says in a Cliff from Dallas type voice 'Don't fight it, it's bigger than the noth of us'

Then I PMSL.

Wilkie Wed 30-Jan-08 21:47:33

Clueless - ahhh yes, DH also says 'You want fucky fucky? I do it for ten dalla...'

<<soooooo erotic!!>>

carmenelectra Wed 30-Jan-08 21:48:54

Oh DrN. He is worse than my dp!!!

Neney1 Wed 30-Jan-08 21:50:02

Just accidently let out a snort while laughing, not attractive!!

PMSL at the doorway guy... I remember a programme called "50 ways to look good naked" and one of the red hot tips for guys was to stand in a doorway with the light behind you as its supposed to make you look sexier hmm
I caught my DH trying out this move once and he was mortified that I rumbled him!!!

Nowadays, not so much thought goes into it!! I either get dry humped, or the willy windmill... classic moves.

Califrau Wed 30-Jan-08 21:50:48

but seriously...which bits does he defuzz? [slight dread]

DrNortherner Wed 30-Jan-08 21:53:21

He defusses most of it.Bit like a boyzillian.

Califrau Wed 30-Jan-08 21:54:40

eeeeeew. eeewwwwwww

carmenelectra Wed 30-Jan-08 21:55:31

Yeah and mine defuzzes most of it. Not all of the time, but sometimes he goes for it, TRims it nice n neat!

Judd Wed 30-Jan-08 21:55:37

DH sings "End away, end away, I'm gonna get my end away" to the tune of Ebeneezer Good.

you get ten dalla, shit I am doing something wrong

mosschops30 Wed 30-Jan-08 21:56:35

what is wrong with these men?? me and dh rarely have sex for precisely this reason. As 'do u fancy a bit' just turns me right off and that seems to be the usual line.

What eva happened to a bit of romance.

My friends dh says 'I'm gonna ruin you tonight' which i think is great grin

stuffitall Wed 30-Jan-08 21:58:52


swoon at that line

Poledra Wed 30-Jan-08 22:01:08

God, I'm so glad my dh just left the room, now I can PMSL without him asking what's so funny!
Other than the jack-russelling (which hasn't been used since he did it when I was brushing my teeth and banged my head off the wall - he so didn't get any that night!), he goes in for 'Do you feel randy'. when told 'no', he says 'I can work on that'

DrNortherner Wed 30-Jan-08 22:02:12

PMSL at banging head on wall whilst brushing teetg cause of dh's jac russelling!!!!!!!!!

stuffitall Wed 30-Jan-08 22:03:35

but still..
finding wife sexy while teeth brushing is sexy in itself

but still grin

Pollyanna Wed 30-Jan-08 22:07:14

pmsl at the jack russelling. my dh always seems to be overwhelmed with lust as I'm unloading the dishwasher grin . Can't say it does it for me smile

springlamb Wed 30-Jan-08 22:07:38

Springram (!) just asked from his perch on the sofa what's so funny.
Any of you ladies mind if I go back to OP and ask him to come and read this, he might pick up some hints on what NOT to do.

cece Wed 30-Jan-08 22:11:34

PMSL at this thread.

DH is getting very cross that all your partners have stolen his 'moves'

He wants to know when we are going to start a thread of ways DW says no to sex!

AlistairSim Wed 30-Jan-08 22:11:47

Re: the doorway.
It does often seem to be a doorway.
It's not something I'd given a great deal of thought to before but am now worried he has some kind of kinky doorway fetish.
Perhaps my norks remind him of handles hmm

And I think the hand rubbing perhaps says more about poor circulation than excitement.

DrNortherner Wed 30-Jan-08 22:14:09

Blimey Alastair, woudld the doorway at ASDA do it for him? grin

morningpaper Wed 30-Jan-08 22:14:28

lol @ all of this

This is never in novels is it?

stuffitall Wed 30-Jan-08 22:17:20

we should get ELF over here
she can put it in her next book

bookwormmum Wed 30-Jan-08 22:17:55

Ex-bf used to prod my back with his erection lying in bed. He never quite understood why I found it irritating instead of sexy or romantic hmm.

DrNortherner Wed 30-Jan-08 22:18:21

Does anyone actually ever lay their head on his chest aftewards?

Sycamoretree Wed 30-Jan-08 22:18:28

Cece - You should start that thread! I mean it! grin

stuffitall Wed 30-Jan-08 22:20:05

as in

"He stood in the doorway manfully rubbing his arthritic blue knuckles, his willy waggling in the through draught. "if yer fancy a fook gerrin t'shed and brush yer teeth and I'll ruin yer prawn tonight fer sure."

Breasts heaving with fury she threw an iron at him.."

jezzemx Wed 30-Jan-08 22:21:13

He goes to bed before me and then pokes his head around the door and says (with eyebrows raised)
"I think I will go upstairs now and prepare myself for you" grin

springlamb Wed 30-Jan-08 22:21:24

Well he's read it.
Says he can't remember what he does, it's been so long.
Well, don't hold your breath dearie!

Maidamess Wed 30-Jan-08 22:21:30

"Brace yourself"

bookwormmum Wed 30-Jan-08 22:22:01

No but I used to be handed a piece of toilet tissue to wipe myself with afterwards hmm. What more could you want? grin

TheDuchessOfNorksBride Wed 30-Jan-08 22:23:16

DrN - head on chest. No, because it's all sweaty (and hairy), which is not nice when it's hot sweat but bloody terrible when it's gone cold.

DrNortherner Wed 30-Jan-08 22:23:43

Manfully, he jack russelled her from behind - "Fancy a bit?" he breathed as she unloaded the dish washer.

Overcome with burning passion she dropped the tommee tipee cups, left dinner simmering on the stove, swiped the ironing piles off the work top and allowed him to indulge.....

especially when your ear creates a vacuum, and you peel yourself off with a pop

DrNortherner Wed 30-Jan-08 22:24:58

<snigger> at toilet tissue. I get that, In fact dh has a stash of babywipes for that very reason grin

PellMell Wed 30-Jan-08 22:28:16

willy windmill grin grin
blimey my sides hurt

AlistairSim Wed 30-Jan-08 22:30:41

TheDuchessOfNorksBride - When it's gone cold, it means you've killed him.

Asda, Tesco, Waitrose....I've drawn the line and closed the legs at Morrisons.
A girl must have some standards.

I must go to bed now before he gets home and I start smelling the lamb blood.

DrNortherner Wed 30-Jan-08 22:32:21

Oh I am still laughing at doorways..........

DH rarely does these days

Keeps getting me pregnant when he does.

But he used to stand there naked doing circles with his willy a la nipple tassles, but just with his willy. It just used to make me giggle though and was in no way erotic.

shock at a boy-zilian.. isn't he afraid of cutting his balls?

Often (if we haven't had sex in a day or two) dh will say "I miss you" hmm I know he means "I want sex" grin

Boco Wed 30-Jan-08 22:34:08

Pulls the lead out of the back of the computer and hides the fuses from the plug.

TheDuchessOfNorksBride Wed 30-Jan-08 22:36:07

Get you lot with your 'tissue paper' and namby-pamby babywipes. I more often get wiped with his discarded pants.

But not anymore because alistair thinks my DH has carked it. sad

VVVQV Wed 30-Jan-08 22:36:19

ROFL at this thread grin

Am PMSL at "I'm all clean" and "can I flick ya prawn"

Quite often I am faced with the question

"wid ye suck a saft yin" hmm

(yeah yeah.... the height of romance)

Shitemum Wed 30-Jan-08 22:38:35

PMSL - this the funniest thread i've seen in ages grin
Was in a foul mood only 30 seconds ago and now have tears running down my cheeks...

...mind you, that's the only thing running down my 'cheeks' these daays....blush

Threadlice Wed 30-Jan-08 22:39:10

I am laughing at the juxtaposition of this thread title with the title 'Cautionary tale about Tchaikowsky's Nutcracker'.

lazarou Wed 30-Jan-08 22:39:36

Has anyone else just had a damn good shag........?

Dropdeadfred Wed 30-Jan-08 22:39:48

Whatever ailment I may have my DP says with a leer 'I think you neee a special injection'

Or he will happily state that he has a special cream that will solve all ailments ranging from stress, headaches, tummy ache etc etc

Sycamoretree Wed 30-Jan-08 22:42:10

PMSL at Firefly "haven't had sex in a day or two" - try month or two! Also have DH with a penchant for willy wanging at the end of the bed as he undresses - or windmilling. It is hilarious, but in no way sexy and just ends up with me flinging the pillow at him and telling him to put himself away before he has my eye out (he wishes) grin

madamez Wed 30-Jan-08 22:45:40

DUchess: 'wiped with his discarded pants' - Oh sob sob, the true romance I miss by being single <splutters>.

Moomin Wed 30-Jan-08 22:48:08

lol at these.
dh is fairly subtle and alluring before the event but the afterwards I, too, get the discarded pants for the aftermath. And then the next day he cannot function without making at least one dreadfully cheesy reference to the act: e.g.
Me (gesturing towards cup or somesuch): Can you give me that please?
DH (sniggering and looking pleased with himself): Like I gave it to you last night, eh?

susiecutiemincepies Wed 30-Jan-08 22:48:13

Dr northerner... I always lay my head on his chest afterwards. OR, he rolls over, and backs his sweaty butt into me, ( spoon like) and stops when he finds my body.. then kind of wipes sweat on me wriggles contentedly, making quite sweet hmmm sounds.

He used to say things like: ( also in a northern accent, but then, he is northern hmm )
Invariably, if i'm bending over to pick anything up, OR emptying the washing machine/dishwasher " Oooh stay there I'd really like to knock the back out of ya " hmm

When in bed: how 'bout you just role onto your side for a bit... there's my girl hmm

If I ever mention a sore throat or a rash, or anything like that, he tells me he has a special cream for that. or, " I know just the thing to clear that up " with a wink....

Actually, I find his wink quite a turn on. blush

I feel deprived that I dont get to see the willy windmill any more. Seems it was used to woo me.

TheDuchessOfNorksBride Wed 30-Jan-08 22:50:36

Did I say 'discarded pants'? Not very ducal is it... obviously I meant to say Turnbull & Asser silk hankerchief (which may have possible stinging-cologne benefits).

susiecutiemincepies Wed 30-Jan-08 22:55:04

What is it with men and their " special cream " seems they are all at it.

When I say he says role onto your side for a bit. he actually means for a while.. not for a bit wink wink... clearly we know he does in fact mean for a bit wink oh, the complexities of the double entendre. << rolls eyes >>

Sycamoretree Wed 30-Jan-08 23:04:11

Still can't believe no one else has picked up Firefly on "haven't had sex in a day or two" - Firefly - I need whatever you're eating. Please tell me you and DH/DP are under 30, preferably under 20 - it will make me feel better grin

Dropdeadfred Wed 30-Jan-08 23:08:04

On the 11th Jan this year DP was cock a hoop to state that he had had sex every day so far this year...blush

TheDuchessOfNorksBride Wed 30-Jan-08 23:09:17

sycamore - I did, but nobody likes a show-off wink

TheDuchessOfNorksBride Wed 30-Jan-08 23:09:38

same goes for you dropdead!

stuffitall Wed 30-Jan-08 23:09:39

cock a HOOP drop dead?
is that a variation on willy waggling?

sallystrawberry Wed 30-Jan-08 23:10:06

oh pmsl @ this thread grin

Hey sycamore.. I am 30! Dh is 32.

We've been married 10 years

Don't think we've got past that honeymoon stage yet grin

stuffitall Wed 30-Jan-08 23:10:41

and as we sit here our dh's aren't getting any

lonely willy wanging their way to bed

stuffitall Wed 30-Jan-08 23:11:51

standing in doorways rubbing knuckles with no audience

hovering hopefully around sheds

ShakeysGirl Wed 30-Jan-08 23:12:00

Lol at this thread. I get 'it's clean... a bit damp but honestly its just water...'
Or 'baaabe i'm horny'
I must admit though he is very loving afterwards and always tries his best bless him.

Snaf Wed 30-Jan-08 23:12:11

Weeping with laughter here - and feeling slightly relieved at long-term single status...

jezzemx Wed 30-Jan-08 23:13:51

Hark at you!!! dropdeadfred. God what a show off wink

stuffitall Wed 30-Jan-08 23:14:40

anybody had a proposition while we've been on
firefly.. we're relying on you...

stuffitall Wed 30-Jan-08 23:19:15

o my dear lord you all have
i'm off for a bit of leg twitching

hmm Dh just said "What are you laughing at? Any word of you coming to bed....I need my bag emptied" blush If only he knew... LOL

i just told dh about this and was told

'i just lap your tits'

stuffitall Wed 30-Jan-08 23:23:53

firefly i couldn't resist checking
you are sending me to bed with a very large grin

which is more than some people are planning on .. (back turned, humphing expected)

Sycamoretree Wed 30-Jan-08 23:28:59

Oh firefly - at least tell me you don't have a LO any younger than my 5month DS? That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it. grin

No, my kids are 6 & 3!

night girls wahey....

discoverlife Wed 30-Jan-08 23:31:32

This one from my Dad and StepMum, They have a pair of teddybears on the bed. If one is on top of the other its a request. If they are back to back its a definate , go away I'm pissed off at you.If the teddies are 'spooning' it means I love, but, Ive got a headache (and might be persuaded).

Sycamoretree Wed 30-Jan-08 23:32:15

Ok Firefly - you have inspired me - I'm off to bed to try and see the willy windmill in a whole new light. Double wahey grin

madamez Wed 30-Jan-08 23:42:50

Discoverlife: oh jeeeeez that's disgusting. Teddy bear porn! Eeeew.

discoverlife Wed 30-Jan-08 23:45:10

Its not me, its my parents, and Im 44.

My DH comes to bed with his willy hanging out of fly's, saying Ive washed him!

PMSL at this thread. And trying desperately not to laugh out loud as dp will come and read over my shoulder...
Perhaps he thinks all the shaking I am doing is wind...

Now to answer the ops question. Er, we have 2dcs aged 1 and 3. Must ask him one day what he might do if ever either of us has the energy to initiate sex again.....

ZippiBabes Wed 30-Jan-08 23:53:33

lol at the teddies


Califrau Thu 31-Jan-08 02:32:36

nominated for a classic. this needs to be kept!

This has to be the funniest thread ever! My dh also Jack Russels (brilliant term that) or says 'I know what will help for that...' and generally cuddles in a lead up, but his favourite, and most successful move by far is..... imagine if you like

dh fast asleep, unsuspecting LMTickles reading her book, finally reaches over to turn off the light, when he reaches out and grabs my buttock etc

oh, and I ALWAYS cuddle a bit in his arm, on his very hairy chest afterwards

MrsJohnCusack Thu 31-Jan-08 05:01:50

these 2 posts have made me snigger at inoppurtune moments all day -

By stuffitall on Wed 30-Jan-08 23:10:41
and as we sit here our dh's aren't getting any
lonely willy wanging their way to bed

By stuffitall on Wed 30-Jan-08 23:11:51
standing in doorways rubbing knuckles with no audience
hovering hopefully around sheds


DH just says 'how about some action tonight'
or just meaningfully drags the beanbag into the room (DS now occupying our bedroom in solitary splendour until we get the sunroom habitable for him, we have a sofa each hmm)

geminikate Thu 31-Jan-08 07:51:32

Classic wooing techniques for my Dh..

I am finaly enjoying having a bit of me time after cooking the dinner, ironing the uniforms and puting the kids in bed. finaly kids asleep I settle down to watching a programme I have been waited for all week... Hubby walks out the bathroom opens the towel he is wearing and jiggles his johnson at me and says "hay baby look what I got for you"

Real nice!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FrannyandZooey Thu 31-Jan-08 08:52:00

I think we overlooked this one:

"he goes in for 'Do you feel randy'. when told 'no', he says 'I can work on that'"

Now that is quite good really. Communication, honesty, negotiation...

Dropdeadfred Thu 31-Jan-08 08:52:54

Lol Franny

Dropdeadfred Thu 31-Jan-08 08:53:43

I still want more info on themysterious leg twitching...isit morse code or what? grin

RGPargy Thu 31-Jan-08 09:02:39

DP says "Fancy an uuuuuuuuurrrrrly night?" with a demonic grin on his face.

discoverlife Thu 31-Jan-08 09:48:00

I have also had, 'I wont take no for an answer, cause I've got the asprin'.

I get into bed and he starts groping my norks and thats about it, no humour or banter.

And he wonders why he's not getting much! Actually I think I pee'd him right off last night cus I was having none of it.

discoverlife Thu 31-Jan-08 09:58:35

Humour usually works, which is why he wanders into the bedroom with a just washed limp one hanging out of his trousers.
But so does a back rub (as long as I don't fall asleep whilst he's he's rubbing).
Meal wine etc. must be preceded with at least 3 days of uninterupted sleep, so that the wine doesn't put me to sleep.
Having an empty house, not bloody likely now that we are HE'ing our youngest.

Pruners Thu 31-Jan-08 10:04:20

Message withdrawn

CaptainCod Thu 31-Jan-08 10:05:51

why do you want to know htis franny?

sugar34plum Thu 31-Jan-08 10:24:03

This thread is fantastic im crying with laughter!

Its good to know they are all the same.

I love the lick prawn one and the poking in the back. And yes my dh looks down my trousers to see what knickers im wearing and if he likes them " thats it you know i like them bend over now!"

Naked after a bath swinging his willy " looks good doesnt it? Would look even better going down the back of your throat!"

there are loads of them. And no matter how many times told he still thinks its funny and i should give in!

this thread is so funny. i am very surprised noone has mentioned..the hand...........

JodieG1 Thu 31-Jan-08 10:43:20

Mine usually says do you fancy a shag or do you want sex, we usually do but it would be nice to have a bit more romance. I put some nice underwear on when I fancy some and that usually works.

What irritates me is when he walks past and slaps my arse, especially when I'm just getting something hot from the oven hmm or when brushing my teeth.

carmenelectra Thu 31-Jan-08 10:48:29

OMG, killing myself at the special cream. MY DP usually says when i have a sore throat "You know what you need for that!". Hes not talking about Lockets.

Next day i get the referrals from prev. session. Things like " Behave yourself, or you will get what you got last night!".grin

eandh Thu 31-Jan-08 10:56:16

My DH either grabs me from behind 'jack russel' style normally whilst I am sorting one of the dd's bedtime drink or washing up etc.

If they are in bed he'll sit next to me (we have our own sofas in lounge and never sit together) and then grope my boobs

If we are in bed he'll roll over and stick a hand up my pyjama top and mutter something about how its been a while

Finally if he has run me a bath and got clean towel out 'so you can have a relax and soak' and then he'll conviently appear as I get out of the bath

All so romantic huh - at the moment dd1 seems to be waking anytime someone walks up the stairs so solves the problem wink

(oh and think this is why he wants 3 dc as he loved all the shagging involved when trying to conceive the dd's!)

Nymphadora Thu 31-Jan-08 10:56:54

PMSL at this

I am soooooo lucky , I have not had any of these grin

Though it is usually me that initiates sex anyway blush

eandh Thu 31-Jan-08 10:57:15

3rd dc duh blush

suzycreamcheese Thu 31-Jan-08 11:27:01

funny thread f&z

dh doesnt get much chance to, now i come to think of it
but he can be blatent and seductive when he tries

motherinferior Thu 31-Jan-08 11:33:18

I feel so much more normal having read this thread.

Especially the general hopefulness and the double-entendres of stunning blatancy.

he doesn't say anything, he just starts rubbing my leg and kisses my neck hmm

stuffitall Thu 31-Jan-08 11:38:10

jodieg without namechanging i must confess that a slap on the arse even in the most mundane circumstances would be luurrvly

i have never had one and i think that makes me a weirdo on mh

stuffitall Thu 31-Jan-08 11:38:35

or should that be mn
(overexcitement generates typos)

GetOrfMoiLand Thu 31-Jan-08 12:01:21

PMSL at this thread, especially the leg twitching and MrsJohnCusack:

DH just says 'how about some action tonight'
or just meaningfully drags the beanbag into the room (DS now occupying our bedroom in solitary splendour until we get the sunroom habitable for him, we have a sofa each'


Men are so crap really aren't they. But if dp started buying me flowers and asking to make lurve I would probably punch him.

I generally get the idea when he looks at me meaningfully and says something like 'christ, your tits look great'. Thanks for the subtlety.

Or after the bath stands there with his hands in the air twisting his hips from side to side so his willy slaps his thighs on either side, going 'look'. (bloody hell cannot realise am telling you lot this. Wait til I tell him grin

Or picking me up, throwing me on the bed (not a mean feat I am six foot) and going 'shag'

Or rutting me from behind as I am doing the dishes, arms up to the elbow in soap suds, calling me a dirty shagger.

The above 3 do not work as they just make me burst out laughing (when in receptive mood) or give him the 'look' (when pissed off).

Actually, with a 12 year old and 20 year old in the house, combined with a squeaky bedstead means everything is a bit strained - when we realise both kids are out of the house at the same time we look at each other gleefuly and rush upstairs for shag time.

sugar34plum Thu 31-Jan-08 12:14:44

So all men think their "cream" has magical healing abilities.

Me " i have a sore throat"

dh " i have a cure for that"

me " ouch i just banged my toe"

dh" i have a cure for that"

Constantly tell dh its not a magic wand! Although it has its moments grin

sandyballs Thu 31-Jan-08 12:24:41

This is hilarious.

I always know if my DH is in the mood as he takes his pants off before he gets into bed, the old romantic grin.

TwoLittleToys Thu 31-Jan-08 12:29:17

OMG GetOrfMoiLand - WD40!!

Think I may have developed weird Stokholm (sp) Syndrome, when I feel in the mood I start Jack Russelling away with abandon - till the point dh is starting to get worried about potential dildo action shock blush

stuffitall Thu 31-Jan-08 12:30:30


mine doesn't ever take his pants or tshirt off despite me squeaking repeatedly "will you just GET RID OF THEM NOW"

the leg twitching happens when i climb in (invariably after him ..ain't it always after checking schoolbags, picking up crap around the house etc) and he's hunched away from me and i spoon him

and then his leg twitches to indicate he is not asleep

and therefore will i generate EVERYTHING

sometimes it's just a foot

so all you lot are lucky lucky sods

oh swoon throwing on the bed getorf
i am wee and he doesn't throw me anywhere

TwoLittleToys Thu 31-Jan-08 12:33:12

Oooh, see the point of the preview message button now...
haven't married my kidnapper, just meant that after spending 10 years with dh humping me, that I seem to now view this as an acceptable mating call!
Also, don't want to use strap on with dh (much to his relief if he ever reads this) - where's the enjoyment for me in that???!

Overrun Thu 31-Jan-08 12:45:13

Franny, can you give us any examples of the comedy overtures that your dp does, does he go for slap stick, or some other comedic genre grin

Mymeems Thu 31-Jan-08 12:52:00

pmsl at all of these! I too get the offer of special cream whenever I have any sort of ailment.. Also the peering down my jeans, jack russelling (nice term!), 'do you want to have sex with me' in deadpan voice, and dancing around naked, willy windmills a go-go.. sometimes he just waves it around, calls it 'clacking' for some reason hmm

usually it all results in me just laughing at him..I'm sure he'd be mortified to know how unoriginal he's being!

GetOrfMoiLand Thu 31-Jan-08 12:56:49

pmsl twolittle toys stockholm syndrome grin. I know what you mean, I now shout 'shag' at him loudly to raise a laugh, NEVER used that bloody word before.

GetOrfMoiLand Thu 31-Jan-08 12:58:27

oh god ROFL mymeems "willy windmills a go-go.. sometimes he just waves it around, calls it 'clacking' for some reason"

Willy windmills a go go!!!

Sat here at work giggling like a loon at that one

Lazycow Thu 31-Jan-08 13:02:50

Dh just looks at me and sort of raises his eyebrows a bit. I can tell just by the look on his face when he is particularly up for it. Actually not very difficult really as he is generally always up for it so the 'look' happens when he is gettign a bit desperategrin

Mymeems Thu 31-Jan-08 13:05:05

I've also had "I'm going to hammer you through"

Nice shock grin

Mymeems Thu 31-Jan-08 13:07:03

And if I'm really not up for it he'll say 'I'll do it myself...but could you just tickle my balls?' hmm

OrmIrian Thu 31-Jan-08 13:10:26

"What are you wearing?" when I'm standing in front of him fully clothed hmm.

He rings me at work and asks if I'm tired? No not now. But after working a full day, picking up kids, making lunch boxes, dinner for 3 DCs and then for us later and attempting to so some housework ...I will be. It's just meant to be a 'heads-up' as they say in corporate world grin

Or he gets into bed without his pyjama trousers. Which annoys me TBH. Wait till you're bloody asked!

He is very grateful atm that he doesn't have to initiate it all the time anymore.

GetOrfMoiLand Thu 31-Jan-08 13:13:09

Ormirian - so he gives you a heads up when his head will be up, so to speak?

suzywong Thu 31-Jan-08 13:14:50

SPRAY@this thread
in fact dh has just come in asking what's so funny

I get the "roll on your side" one

but my favourite is after I've come out of the shower "I'd better inspect you"

OrmIrian Thu 31-Jan-08 13:15:48

Indeed getorf grin

TheFallenMadonna Thu 31-Jan-08 13:18:17

DH shaves.

I mean, he shaves in the morning before work, but if he shaves any other time, or at all at weekends, it can mean only one thing...

FrannyandZooey Thu 31-Jan-08 13:18:41

Overrun my god NO you think I am sharing with this bunch of rabble? shock wink

MrsGuitar Thu 31-Jan-08 13:22:39

I am with stuffitall (apart from the twiching thing)

Brace yourself woman

What about the one where he refuses to take off his 'slippers' which are in fact casual shoes hmm in order to allow himself to 'get more purchase'

ROFL at this thread!

My DH just takes his pants off... thats the signal! but he also does the 'jack russelling' and the 'willy windmill' - i can't believe <pause, snorting with laughter> all men seem to do this!!! grin wait till i tell him when he's home later... who knows where it will lead?!?!

Anyone else get 'its full of protein, its good for your skin' etc???


mummylin Thu 31-Jan-08 13:42:21

yes its good for the skin and also apparently is good for headaches !!!!

stuffitall Thu 31-Jan-08 13:43:32

mrs guitar lolololololol

actually peeing myself here

OrmIrian Thu 31-Jan-08 13:50:02

Variation on the sore throat theme...

"Want to suck on something" Ooh yes purlease... hmm So much nicer than a strepsil...

How or why do they think that willy windmilling is arousing or anything other than comic or irritating?

It's definitely supposedly a cure-all in this house too.

Agree with DH being in bed and sitting up awake with the light on rather than pretending to be asleep.

I also get a bit of groping (s'pose I would have called it sexy before children) at the kitchen sink.

Most of the time it's a slow warm-up over the day with a few random on the mouth kisses and a few boob fondles too.

D'ya fancy a nap? Is n°1 favourite in our house, and he knows that it's definitely the best time of day to get a "result"!

Have to admit to it ONLY ever being in bed... it's just too cold anywhere else.

FrannyandZooey Thu 31-Jan-08 13:52:17

actually reading this thread has given me new respect and gratitude for my dp

carmenelectra Thu 31-Jan-08 13:58:57


My dp doesnt take his pants off before bed, more like doesnt bother putting any ON after bath/shower.'Not worth bothering' if hes in with a chance.grin

emkana Thu 31-Jan-08 14:06:29

FandZ, I think you're being a bit mean tbh. You won't give any examples of what happens in your house, after inviting other people to "share", and now to say you feel more respect and gratitude for your dp - sort of makes it sound as if you're shocked by what people have said on here, and feel that things are "better" in your relationship.

I don't mean to be horrible though, so please don't get cross. smile

Lots of washing going on by DHs - am quite envy. Do you all wash BEFORE then?
DH (and possibly me secretly blush) thinks it's a silly idea cos he'll just have to wash again afterwards !
Is this just skanky Frenchmen?

KaySamuels Thu 31-Jan-08 14:09:52

Fantastic. grin I have just found tis thread and read it through, actually spat my tea out at one point and had tears rolling down my cheeks! Good job I'm home alone, think it would disappoint DP to know his come ons are the same as every other man out there. Don't know if that makes me feel better or not - I can't decide! hmm

F+Z - can't believe you started this thread and haven't grassed up your DP! Evene if it is to tell us there actually are romantic men out there, you can't hold out on us! grin

My DP does the windmill willy and the clacking, the defuzzing and the cleaning, the boob groping, the healing balm line, hands down my jeans, also announces he is playing tents to make sure I know he is ready for me! hmm He used to try and liquer me up but realises now that since we have had ds booze just puts me to sleep! I dimly recall flowers and candles, just barely...

Our poor DP's... grin grin grin

nanninurse Thu 31-Jan-08 14:17:14

This is so good, I can identify with so many of these err... requests

so funny, my mum aws right, they are all the same after all!!

FrannyandZooey Thu 31-Jan-08 14:25:23

oh emkana I completely see what you mean blush

my last comment was meant to be jokey and a bit sarky to be honest, but I didn't put an emoticon thingy on there (I often get into bother when I do that)

what I meant in my head was, some of these are SO BAD that I even feel new respect for my dp who makes awful comedy come ons (as mentioned in OP)

it was a rude thing to say but I think we are all laughing about one another's stories here so it was not actually meant to insult anyone

they are very very funny though

dp has a range of tactics. Last night he said he had a cold todger (after being out running) and I could warm it up if I liked. In tones of bestowing a great favour on me

AlistairSim Thu 31-Jan-08 14:28:06

My bf's dh tucks his meat and two veg between his legs and then says...

"Would you like to make a man of me?"


FrannyandZooey Thu 31-Jan-08 14:31:31

I think I may ask dp to read this thread then surprise me

he can proposition me in the style of a different poster's husband every night for WEEKS

it could be quite exciting really
will I get AlistairSim's hand-rubbing in doorways?

or will I get my pants peered at a la ShinyHappy

stuffitall Thu 31-Jan-08 14:34:58

emkana.. doesn't really matter if she's being mean

and do you really care? things are as they are
smug is annoying in real life
on here it's just..

"yeah and...."?

normally mn makes you feel "i'm not alone"..well apart from mrs guitar i think i am on this one!

stuffitall Thu 31-Jan-08 14:35:50

oops franny cross-posted
more please if you are in the mood..... as twere grin

FrannyandZooey Thu 31-Jan-08 14:36:22

oh I feel slightly crushed now

i knew what emkana meant, absolutely, but you seem to be saying I am smug but it shouldn't annoy anyone?

stuffitall Thu 31-Jan-08 14:38:39

yeah i guess i was
but you came back much too nicely and too quickly so take it all back with knobs

can't get annoyed on here it's just so far away from everything and ain't that just the point

FrannyandZooey Thu 31-Jan-08 14:40:42

I think we have had enough knobs on here yes, take them back

oh stuffit there was a thread about that last night, I maintain you can get FUMING about things people say on here, of course you can! you wait...are you sort of newish?

GRUMPYGIRL Thu 31-Jan-08 14:43:35

I get "I want to DO you" usually when im cooking tea/unloading the tumble drier & have children screaming at me. Its usually been days since he had a shower, he has a grubby stubbly beard & is wearing smelly work clothes.

I have tried saying to him "would that romantic approach have worked when you were single, its definately NOT going to work now"

Hmm then they wonder why they dont "get" any LOL

JaneHH Thu 31-Jan-08 14:43:49

Jack Russelling: check
Willy windmill: check

No doorway fetish but... playing air guitar with willy, anyone?

stuffitall Thu 31-Jan-08 14:46:12

yes franny and i don't know anyone here in rl
i'm not even sure i would go to any meet ups

imagine sitting over dinner with a guy wanted his "bag emptied" last night grin

and all the girls knowing my dh twitches his leg when he wants a bit

lawks a mercy

stuffitall Thu 31-Jan-08 14:48:10

gtg school run
grin air guitar
running with a grin to pick up kids

FrannyandZooey Thu 31-Jan-08 14:50:01

yes you see I DO know quite a lot of people on here which is another reason I was being a bit coy. I did once name change to ask about a vaguely embarrassing health issue and was instantly recognisable to a poster who knew me - she said she was haunted by the phrase I quoted from dp [heh heh]

the bag emptying thing is QUITE BAD isn't it

well you may turn out to be a lot more normal and wellbalanced than me but I get VERY CROSS about MN sometimes. I bet you will one day if you get addicted atick around

Jazzicatz Thu 31-Jan-08 14:54:15

Mine says he has a dsb that needs servicing!!!!!!

JaneHH Thu 31-Jan-08 14:56:47

F+Z I'm quite new on here (and am already addicted) but -I'm now hoping- I don't know anyone on here yet. I do worry sometimes about revealing toooo much (DH's air guitar thing sounds as if I'm laughing at him but actually I find it hilarious and always laugh WITH him - and if comedy is one of the ways he uses to get his wicked way then I'm all up for it... sounds a bit like yours!)

Have seen your posts before (and have not yet thought feck she's completely wrong). What makes you cross about MN, for all us newbies out there who are now rueing the day we ever signed up? grin

And then we'll go back to willy windmills...

TheDevilWearsPrimark Thu 31-Jan-08 14:58:51

I tend to initiate it as often as possible, as if I leave it too long he says something like 'are you up for a sex marathon' and normally at a highly inappropriate time.

This is the funniest thread ever.

However the only one of these I can imagine being in the least bit sexy is Mr FullMoonFiend and his Sean Bean/Lady Chatterley's Lover impression. Phwooarr.

TwoLittleToys Thu 31-Jan-08 15:24:28

God can't believe how setreotypical dh is...siad I wanted to go on a lose baby-weight diet (low carb, high protein) and he said...yep, "I've got some protein for you..."
Would lose weight that way it's true, he's not 17 anymore wink

Cappuccino Thu 31-Jan-08 15:40:24


oh god this is so embarrassing he does not have a line

<crawls away>

claireybee Thu 31-Jan-08 15:42:05

Dh usually brings home something sweet for pudding then asks several times if I like it/if I appreciate him bringing it home before saying something along the lines of "You could always show me how much you appreciate it". [sigh]

claireybee Thu 31-Jan-08 15:43:50

Cappucino-oh I am jealous! I wish dh would try to initiate it by kissing-he seems to expect us to go from days of no physical contact straight into full on bonking!

JingleyJen Thu 31-Jan-08 15:52:39

i couldn't post on the thread when weeing myself laughing last night as Dh was sat reading this thread over my shoulder


He usually cooks a lovely dinner opens a bottle of wine then shortly afterwards cuddles up to me sticking one hand down my top grapling with breast and the other making its way between my legs.- no chat
if I go with it he would like to get to the full on bonking straight away but most of the time I tell him to slow down.

if it is in the mornings he rolls over and grabs my hand then says "you did that"

tiredemma Thu 31-Jan-08 15:54:57

have not had time to read whole thread ( but will do later)- Dp has been known to whisper "Do you want to play hide the sausage?"

and once said "come on- let the dog see the rabbit"

Romance is alive and kicking in our house hmm

ishouldbeironing Thu 31-Jan-08 15:55:25

This thread is soooo funny.
When I was away with for a girls weekend the friend I was sleeping next to slid her arm across me the next morning and we p**ssed ourselves laughing as we referred to the Saturday morning hand grin

GRUMPYGIRL Thu 31-Jan-08 15:58:07

"sometimes he just waves it around, calls it 'clacking' for some reason "

Mymeems this is probably a reference to the 70s toy called "clackers" which were two really hard plastic balls that you knocked together for some strange reason (they were incredibly dangerous and, I think, eventually banned) grin

GetOrfMoiLand Thu 31-Jan-08 15:59:21

I love this thread.

Please can it go in mn classics to be re-read.

I am in fact still haunted.

I haven't read the whole thread, but unfortunately, all the northern accents are sounding rather like your poor DP, Frances. You don't reveal any of his actual techniques on here, do you?

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt Thu 31-Jan-08 16:32:28

I have learnt two new expressions on here, Jack Russelling and Willy Windmills. Both of which DP loves to do hmm

If dp goes to bed when I do, then I know I'm in for it! In the morning he always rubs my bum and boobs, whilst poking me in the back!! Such a romantic!

Moomin Thu 31-Jan-08 16:35:00

O M G hmm
Dh is a walking advert for this thread. WE actually got round to it last night (although quite how I kept a straight face after reading this thread is beyond me). He's now come home early from work and whilst at the sink I called across 'Can you fill the kettle?'
Cue Dh: What, like I.........

You can fill in the blanks

Ok, now I have an image of him looking all forlorn with his cold willy. hmm

Wendyjayb Thu 31-Jan-08 16:50:19

I've just wet myself reading this

My dh usually come up to me when i'm cooking and says "i'm gonna do you tonight" hmm
Or he'll light a candle in the bedroom when i'm in the shower, always a dead giveawaygrin

PurlyQueen Thu 31-Jan-08 17:00:24

grin at special cream, willy windmill and dry humping you when you are unloading the dishwasher

PurlyQueen Thu 31-Jan-08 17:01:41

I have given up all pretence of work as I am shaking in front of my PC with tears rolling down my face.

swiftyknickers Thu 31-Jan-08 17:03:02

this is soooooooooo funny-i am snorting with laughter!

mine waggles his eyebrows tooand in fact after about 6 weeks of no sex said in the car today'please can we do it tonight'

i have to keep reminding myself that he is a grown man

oh he has alsosaid im going to split your kipper tonight hmm

stuffitall Thu 31-Jan-08 17:20:56


look over there everyone wendy gets candles

get you

stuffitall Thu 31-Jan-08 17:22:16

and swifty gets begged

envy envy

mind you kipper splitting is erm..

it's kipper splitting. nuff said.

lucyellensmum Thu 31-Jan-08 17:28:49

DP said to me today, do i fancy a session tonight? What that will mean is, by the time i have put DD to bed etc, he will eitehr be snoring on the sofa or watching jean claude van damned on some crappy film and i'll end up going to bed.
alone - again

ChippyMinton Thu 31-Jan-08 17:35:48

ROFL at this thread
DH does some classic kitchen-based jack russelling and utters the immortal line: "Come on, I need to clear my pipes"

Saggarmakersbottomknocker Thu 31-Jan-08 17:40:16

This thread is a classic. grin

I have a Jack Russeller here lol. Am PMSL at Grumpy's explanation of Clacking though as he does a bit of that too.

sallystrawberry Thu 31-Jan-08 17:40:17

I have on occasion been woo'ed with dh's Del boy Trotter impersonation

"c'mon babe, you know it makes sense"



theres lots of humour involved in intercourse initiation in this house (god that sounds like a a phrase from a sex manual).

my parents had a book on their bookshelf for years called "Sex for the Engaged" shock by the time I was old enough to understand the title they got rid of it lol grin

sugar34plum Thu 31-Jan-08 17:41:16

swifty split your kipper?? fpmsl that is so friggin nasty its hilarious.grin I agree this thread has to be saved and read for years to come!

Saggarmakersbottomknocker Thu 31-Jan-08 17:41:35

<snort> at clearing pipes!

FrannyandZooey Thu 31-Jan-08 18:09:41

ah you see NQC did NOT want to read my dp's techniques emkana
I was just sparing her feelings wink

he didn't look forlorn; he looked quite pleased with himself. That seems to be a prerequisite for most of these lines - WHEN did they all get this ruddy CONFIDENCE in life?

and Capp's kissing is FAB - an actual bit of foreplay! Not a cheesy come on involving kippers shock

Wilkie Thu 31-Jan-08 18:12:11

Just though of another one...

DH wanders in from the shower (with an erection) and hangs a towel from his nob inviting me to see what's underneath grin


TheDevilWearsPrimark Thu 31-Jan-08 18:16:07

What about when they press their 'morning glory' into the small of your back?
One time DH did this and I was in a pretty deep sleep and apparently punched it.

Desiderata Thu 31-Jan-08 18:17:51

My dh makes a grunty noise. It's a cross between Lesley Phillips and a crouching wolverine. Then he looks over at me, smiles, and puts his hands over his head, in the manner of a man who's work is already done.

Lazy bastard!

lucyellensmum Thu 31-Jan-08 18:17:54

Is it a big heavy towel wilkie?

Wilkie Thu 31-Jan-08 18:19:18

It was a bath towel [reasonably proud emoticon] grin

noddyholder Thu 31-Jan-08 18:32:32

what is a jack russell?

fullmoonfiend Thu 31-Jan-08 18:34:32

oh! DH just reminded me of a couple of others...

the Ozzie foreplay (Brace yerself sheila!)

and ''d'ya fancy a hot pork sausage''

carmenelectra Thu 31-Jan-08 18:36:21

Lol at lighting the candle! Its actually quite a nice gesture, so why does it sound so funny?

Think i might try and fit a session in tonight as wehavent had it for about 5 or 6 days. Let you know if there are any developments in the initation departmentgrin

sugar34plum Thu 31-Jan-08 18:41:38

i just had a text off dh who is working away

" ive got a great big hard thinking of your arse banging away"

No small talk before, no happy birthday babe. no im missing you, just a text to let me know his thinking of sex.

I shall now go back to puttin gthe kids pyjamas on!

A great big hard what though Sugar? hmm

A hard sum?

A hard crossword puzzle....?

A great big hard.. oh, I've got it.. he might need some laxatives grin wink

SorenLorensen Thu 31-Jan-08 18:55:06

Oh's not just us. Thank you, thank you, thank you for this thread grin

Dh has several choice phrases - "you up for it tonight then?" is one. He also does the press and grind thing against my bum, especially when I bend over - cos, yes, loading your dirty boxer shorts into the washing machine really gets me in the mood. He also does neck nuzzling when I'm chopping, say, raw chicken...why? Why would handling slimey, uncooked chicken get me in the mood?

"You're gagging for it..." is another one (you can guarantee if he says this, I am not)

I think the one he uses the most is, whenever I say "I have a headache/sore arm/backache/cold/food poisoning/strep throat/full blown case of Ebola virus" he will leer in what I fear he thinks is a winning manner and say "I know a cure for that..."

Someone in our marriage once (ok, recently blush) sent a text saying 'Drunk. Want shag.'

It was not well received, apparently.

Saturn74 Thu 31-Jan-08 19:03:13

"Can we? I promise I'll roll you back into the sleeping position afterwards!"

Oh, how I laugh! hmm

Saggarmakersbottomknocker Thu 31-Jan-08 19:05:42

Wilkie, you're just showing off now.

I once sent a text to dh when I was on a night out "home in 20. wet & horny" blush

His name begins with G... his dad's nickname begins with H.. yeah you can guess what happend when a drunk woman tries to send a text........

His dad replied "Thanks, but G & B (MIL)might be cross" grin

Saturn74 Thu 31-Jan-08 19:08:01

Am cringing on your behalf! grin

sugar34plum Thu 31-Jan-08 19:11:14

ff sorry meant to say hard on blush

lol @ drunken text.

PeterDuck Thu 31-Jan-08 19:11:44

Oh LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!! FF2 that had me shouting with laughter! My very strictly catholic FIL would spontaneously combust if he got a text like that!!

F&Z Think you need to start a thread about how we would LIKE our DP/DH's to approach us, so that we can print it off and show them where they are going wrong...

FoghornLeghorn Thu 31-Jan-08 19:13:40

I'm going to have to tell DH he needs some more original ideas as he does most of these things.
We have :
The Willy Windmill
The De-fuzzing

Sometimes I go into the en-suite and find my 'special undies' hanging from the cabinet blush. I tend to sleep with my back to him and he saddles up behind me and tucks his willy in-between my legs and tells me some shocking story about how 'percy' (He is going to kill me if he reads this grin) needs some tlc

3catstoo Thu 31-Jan-08 19:14:22

I have cried with laughter at this. Thank you for cheering me up!

My DH says nothing usually. Just prods me in the back, licks his fingers for lubrication. He thinks 2 seconds of his wet fingers poking me will suffice as foreplay.

That is of course if it is Saturday night. My DH likes his routine. After 13 years, I DON'T !!!!!!!!!!!

I do get the 'perfect cure' thing when I have a cold or migraine.

At the moment it seems it's me that's CONSTANTLY thinking about sex and DH is too tired.
He suggested last night that he buy me a vibrator. That was after I tried to tempt him into a bit of midweek action. All that resulted was him being rather pleased with my oral offerings, which finished off quicker than planned. He muttered "you didn't swallow it did you?" and "I'll by you a vibrator is you're that bothered" then promptly fell asleep.

So quite frankly I am gagging for it!!!

Emailed him at work with the name and cost of the vibrator I want. (don't really but thought it might make him think about making more of an effort.)

3catstoo Thu 31-Jan-08 19:17:19

LOL at the text thing grin.

Makes me wonder what my FIL would do. Won't be testing it out though...

grin No, My FIL is cool When I was dating dh I stayed over one night. His mum & dad were already in bed downstairs as it was about 2am when we fell in drunk.. next day FIL was at lunch when we came downstairs.. he handed dh a bath sponge & said "Tape this to the back of your headboard next time" ROFL Well... I can now, but not at the time!! blush

DarthVader Thu 31-Jan-08 19:26:17

Stripping is v popular in my house

lucyellensmum Thu 31-Jan-08 19:31:26

"He muttered "you didn't swallow it did you?" and "I'll by you a vibrator is you're that bothered" then promptly fell asleep" If my DP said that to me, i could be tempted to regurgitate it all over him, else give him a big long frenchie and say, mmmmmm what do you think darling!

I also get, you up for it tonight babe? I send him loads of filthy texts hoping it will get him in the mood - i think he has an auto reply - "sounds good", or "thats a date2 NO IMAGINATION!

I have said to him, you should kiss me, you would be surprised at what reaction you get - so i get a peck on the cheek. What is it with men and kissing, i mean, don't they want hot rampant passionate sex, which is what they would get if they took a bit of sodding time and thought! You know, kissing, stroking, that sort of thing - perhaps they are quite happy with a perfucntionary (is that the right word) shag thats over in two minutes. Oh hang on, thats man heaven!!! hmm

TheDevilWearsPrimark Thu 31-Jan-08 19:33:20

DH bought me a vibrator once, then it strangely went missing. I think he got an inferiority complex.

Rolf Thu 31-Jan-08 19:40:54

My friend's DH is called George and he says "you need some of George's Marvellous Medicine" grin

3catstoo Thu 31-Jan-08 19:41:56

Lucyellensmum, you're right about the passion. I crave a bit of passion not a bit of a prod !

I won't be making that effort again for a while I can tell you grin.

DH was a bit miffed that I wanted to take him up on the vibrator. I shall ask him when he gets home, if he's going to order one or should I.

Stripping sounds interesting. Never tried that. But then that would involve a bit of effort on his part wink.

3catstoo Thu 31-Jan-08 19:43:46

LOL at Georges Marvellous Medicine. That is quite good.

DH has said in the distant past "Does Hilda need some attention?"

WTF ?????? Who decided my intimate parts were called Hilda??????

TsarChasm Thu 31-Jan-08 20:02:31
LaDiDaDi Thu 31-Jan-08 20:29:06

I have loved this thread!!

In bed dp usually says "Are you up for it?" or "Fancy a bit of action?" after snogging me for a few minutes.

In the daytime he's a bit of a Jack Russeller or gets me to give dd horsey rides so that he can watch my arse wiggles as I crawl about the floor.

If it's daytime and dd is not around then my line is "Do you fancy a lie down?".

Sidge Thu 31-Jan-08 20:30:49

Oh this thread has cheered me up no end!!

I once got asked by DH if I wanted to play carnival - I could sit on his face and he'd guess my weight grin

Made me laugh anyway!

Califrau Thu 31-Jan-08 20:49:18

I had never seen that TsarChasm! (or for the purposes of this thread, should we call you Tsorchasm? [ [waggly eyebrowed grin ]

OrmIrian Thu 31-Jan-08 20:53:35

Dh has recently rediscovered kissing. Well actually I recently rediscovered sex so am directing things a bit more. Kissing helps.

Janni Thu 31-Jan-08 21:06:37

"I'm going to make love to you tonight.."

Sadly, far too infrequently.

morgymoo182 Thu 31-Jan-08 21:17:16

Does anybody's OH do the willy - windmill (we call it winky dance) to.. erm.. music? Mine er.. sings, and shakes it in time to whatever the tune is blush

carmenelectra Thu 31-Jan-08 21:38:52

After all this on here i cannot believe dp has just gone up for a bath, and before he left the living room he said "Im gonna shag you when i get down. Straightaway." So at least i know.

Think this is before i get chance to fall asleep/put something on the telly/go to bed early.grin

discoverlife Thu 31-Jan-08 22:01:46

Been making a papier mache volcano with Ds earlier. So DH has just come up to me and said 'I can show you something else that explodes later!.
Predictable or what?

Furball Thu 31-Jan-08 22:06:05

a friend of mine created a code which happened to be 'Can I use your washing machine' - one night she asked her dh if she could use his washing machine. His reply was 'nah it was only a small load, I did it by hand!' grin

discoverlife Thu 31-Jan-08 22:12:14

Told to me by a male friend of the morning he was woken by a broom handle being dug painfully into his back and his wife saying 'Now you know what it feels like'

hermykne Thu 31-Jan-08 22:22:06

we discussed this over christmas and a friend of mine said
"oh he'll do something to help out like unload the diswasher.."
i had noticed her husband doing alot of unloading the dishwasher over christmas and actually said it to mine, "god X always seems to just naturally unload without being asked...."
so we had a good laugh, when i told her i noticedhe was a good unloader!!!!

its a now a pseudonym for us gals

discoverlife Thu 31-Jan-08 22:32:14

Just remembered an original one -- 'Do you want some salt with that?' Whilst eating chips late one night after the cinema.

NeverSayNever Thu 31-Jan-08 22:35:16 DH asks ever so do u fancy a belly full of wrigglers.....well when you put it like that hmm how can I resist.

Pinkchampagne Thu 31-Jan-08 22:38:12

My ex husband used to say things like "You're gonna get a bit tonight!", or "are you going to take a ride on my love boat?!"hmm

He was such a charmer!

SleepIsForTheWeak Thu 31-Jan-08 23:00:20

"Bend over, I think I love you......"

hunkermunker Thu 31-Jan-08 23:07:55

I've just read some of these to DH, who can't see anything wrong with them. He says you're all lucky girls and what's wrong with saying, "Fancy a fuck? No? Well, lie still while I have one, there's a good girl" hmm grin

I used to know someone (not DH) who thought it the height of good manners to introduce his desire for a bj with, "Now, my dear, you're looking peaky. I think you might be in need of Dr X's Hot Sperm Garglewash".


Joash Thu 31-Jan-08 23:22:59

DH has a phrase for each room / situation - all of whhich he delivers in a broad northern accent (which is the only time his accent returns);

In the kitchen - "Get yer tits aaart fer lads"

In the living room - "D'ya fancy testing springs in footstool mrs?"

If I'm in the bathroom "you mucky enough to get a shower??" "err - No" - "d'ya wanna be?"

In bed when he came home from the night shift, Shaking me vigourously and asking "You awek?"

When I am attempting to study - he drops his pants, bounces up and down whilst waving his tackle in my face and saying "bet you'd rather study me todger, eh? eh? eh?"

If he comes to bed after me, he walks in the room, locks the door, gets out the box of 'toys' and asks "you not planning on gonna sleep yet are yer?"

Scootergrrrl Fri 01-Feb-08 10:44:11

DH is delighted that the women of MN have taken so well to his "jack-russelling" phrase. He is beside himself with pride and thinking of more revolting phrases for you all. As long as it stops him jack-russelling me, I do't care! grin

suzywong Fri 01-Feb-08 12:47:43

Dh has just come up with a new one
"When the cricket's over I'm going to ** you"

and yes, it is ruder than fuck.

Tickle Fri 01-Feb-08 12:54:47

PMSL at this thread grin grin

especially Moomin, Joash, DrN - ooh too many to mention! Sympathise with stuffitall too - sounds like a bit of jack-russelling wouldn't go amiss there...

Scootergrrl - your DH is justly proud - will it be a new entry in the dictionary by this time next year?

suzywong Fri 01-Feb-08 13:06:20

Oooooh, Australia won
better brace myself

Posey Fri 01-Feb-08 13:08:40

Have just read the highlights of this via The Good/Bad/Ugly (thanks MP) and laughed so much dh came to see what was so funny.
Now he's found a phrase he really likes and believes a Fred Elliot impersonation is the way to go. So thanks to AlistairSim's partner for that grin

fullmoonfiend Fri 01-Feb-08 13:09:21


Then suzy, there's the other Ozzie Male joke I know. He comes home with a bunch of flowers and she is so bowled over by this incredibly rare sign of romance, she rips her clothes off and lies across the table.
He looks at her, puzzled and says: ''Jeez Sheila, don't we have a vase....?

RoxyMonoxide Fri 01-Feb-08 13:09:49

Also PMSL.

SOunds like my DH has been getting around a bit, or are they all the same.

Suzy, DO tell us what the word is!!!!!!!!

piggydreams Fri 01-Feb-08 14:12:48

we call it the funky monkey

i usually say wanna get funky with the monkey


MissyTheFlouncer Fri 01-Feb-08 14:28:43

what a funny thread!
we call it jiggy i think

yuk at docN garglewash ewww

babyinarms Fri 01-Feb-08 14:29:17

my Dh gets very restless and touchy feely (can be a bit annoying when I'm trying to get dinner, kids bathed etc...) and then will say "Have we a window love"...very romantic really!!!

suzywong Fri 01-Feb-08 14:31:58

Thank you Ricky Ponting

TheBestMum Fri 01-Feb-08 14:57:35

My dh romantically suggests we have 'a lie down',then pokes his tongue into his cheek & raises his eye-brows a few times suggestively.
A lie-down is certainly something I'm in need of, but usually not the kind he's thinking of.

PeterDuck Fri 01-Feb-08 15:16:25


loopylou6 Fri 01-Feb-08 15:31:09

if hes feeling romantic, then he suggests going to bed early and 'playing cards' hmm otherwise he grabs me from behind and starts humping me when im bending over picking summit up or whatever and says summit along the lines of 'oooo dirty bird your gonna get it' hmm

Mymeems Fri 01-Feb-08 16:31:42

Grumpygirl, that would make sense..only he wasn't born until the 80s so that may have passed him by! Maybe he's a bit retro... Quite often he 'clacks' when he comes home from football...maybe it's celebratory, and a bit of peacock (!) style preening hmm grin

this is the funniest thread I have seen for ages grin

As for my DH well I get 'Jack Russelled' usually when I'm cooking or told that 'I'm going to do you tonight' or the erection in the back in bed, he makes a few jabbing movements to see whether I'm up for it.

BitTiredNow Fri 01-Feb-08 19:25:55

My bezzer's husband does the ironing when he wants a bit of duvet wrestling - she rang me in despair one night and said' oh bloody hell, he's just asked if there's anything else in the tumble dryer, which means he's desperate and I'm exhausted!!'

Scootergrrrl Fri 01-Feb-08 19:30:17

<< waves at BTN! We're coming to BF>> Sorry for hijack

mintchips Fri 01-Feb-08 20:22:49

Pmsl fabulous thread!

Dp is a regular 'jack Russeller' and willy windmiller! And also believes his 'special medicine' cures all manners of ailments, especially sore throats

I get told I'm going to have "the granny banger out of me" WTF?? and if I'm really lucky he'll clean his teeth hmm

mintchips Fri 01-Feb-08 20:23:28


JaneHH Fri 01-Feb-08 20:39:21

I am LOVING this thread PMSL

One downside: at work today I had trouble keeping a straight face all day. 9 o'clock meeting with my (male) boss. All I could think of was the fact that Willy Windmill seems to be very popular in households across the land, so chances are that my boss also does it. Not an image I really like to think about... [vomit] grin

BitTiredNow Fri 01-Feb-08 21:27:59

<<<<waves frantically back at scootergrrrrl>>>> - ace news - but fancy catching me on a sex thread - who'd a thought it.....blush Is this so you can be closer to the beardy professional one?

carmenelectra Fri 01-Feb-08 21:28:57

Loving Hunkers "DO YOU FANCY A FUCK?" Hilarious.

Just told dp, he likes it a lot. Im worried he will nick the ideagrin

serin Fri 01-Feb-08 22:38:30

He says "you're not going on that bloody mumsnet tonight are you"?

or "We still haven't christened the kids trampoline"

or he starts doing his Elvis impessions...
A little less conversation a little more action.....naked.

God love him.

Nymphadora Fri 01-Feb-08 22:39:18

Told bf about this thread and he is actually scared by all the 'willy windmills' around the country!

He also said it would be nice if he was given the chance to come on to me blush and told me to ask this

carmenelectra Fri 01-Feb-08 22:43:38

Serin, me too with the mumsnet commentgrin

serin Fri 01-Feb-08 22:46:01


He asked what I was laughing at and said "Willy Windmill, I can do that!!"
Has gone off to practice!

stuffitall Sat 02-Feb-08 08:06:15

suzy what's this word that's ruder than fuck?
if you've read this thread you know that the stuffits will never be known for their knowledge of the further reaches of sexual invention and exploration so I need it to be spelt out

willy windmills are so popular I wonder why they've never popped up (hur hur) in our house

fullmoonfiend Sat 02-Feb-08 10:21:00

well dh is currently taking advantage of the cold weather by offering to ''keep things warm'' for me....every five minutes it's ''shall I warm those up for you...??''

cariboo Sat 02-Feb-08 11:00:25

It's been so long since we had sex that i've forgotten what initiates it but thanks for the thread: laughing so much it hurts.

NatalieJane Sat 02-Feb-08 12:16:24

I can't help thinking that some of you need these to help your poor soul from your DH's

stuffitall Sat 02-Feb-08 13:16:57

yes my inarticulate dh would love that
all he has to do is turn his pillow over and lie back and wait.. and as if by magic it removes the need even for leg twitching grin

scattercushion Sat 20-Dec-08 13:35:42

my DH leans over me in bed, pretending to reach for something on the bedside table, thus draping his tackle over my face.

Subtle, eh?

BalloonSlayer Wed 24-Dec-08 13:19:50

Thank you for ressurecting this thread, scattercushion.

I never read it the first time and have PMSL.

Thanks to you my poor DCs christmas presents aren't wrapped up grin.

My ex used to do with willy waggling, have not missed it. DH has his own tricks... wink

Perhaps households could generate their own electricity from these sex-starved men. Willy-wind-farms?

BlueSapphire77 Thu 25-Dec-08 21:50:07

SC... omg i did laugh at your sure you haven't got my blokes twin
Mine actually cuddles me shock thats how i know he wants some hmm
Or coming up and grabbing me while i'm doing something..or actually leaving his usual position hunched over the xbox and coming over to give me a kiss.
For apparently 'no reason'
They're so predictable

hannahlouhoo Thu 25-Dec-08 22:56:44

Are there any men who are the satin sheet type? or are all these men in movies?

when ever the baby is alseep he comes to find me!!

I find his favourite way is slapping my face with it first thing in a morning!!!

mmmm too much vodka i think

>wanders off to find some more chocolate log!>

Ripeberry Thu 25-Dec-08 23:26:21

My husband holds my hand and keeps rubbing his thumb along my thumb. When i first met him i did not know what to think. These days i'm usually the one who initiates it by saying earlier in the day if he is up for some rumpy pumpy and by the evening he is raring to go grin

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now