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Relationships

desperate plea for help

13 replies

babylove21 · 24/01/2008 05:08

Hi i'm in a relationship with someone 17 years my junior. We have been together a year and are expecting a baby next year.

Thing is last week he went out and admitted kissing a girl in a club. Said it was to get back at me because he thought i had left him!
As it happens my phone stuffed up and i had no network so he couldnt get in touch.

I was upset but thought well its just a kiss and we all make mistakes so i forgave and tried hard to forget.

That was quickly hampered by text messages to another girl telling her she looked good etc. to which he claimed was an old school friend he bumped into in town at lunch time and was just winding her up.

Now a week on he has been back to the same club. another pic of him and this girl has appeared on his phone and her number has been edited to give a false name.
I had asked him tonight if he saw her and he said no, but the photo is dated today.

could he be genuinely sorry or should i give up on him now before i make myself ill with worry.
Last week i was really hurt, this week im more disappointed cause i wanted to believe him but now i know he lied to me.

If it was all so innocent then why all the lies ?

I dont want to bring a baby up on my own but i dont want to keep worrying and feeling this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach each time he goes out the door.

Of course he tells me he loves me and to stop being silly, but that is just patronising.Maybe he is too young to commit and i foolishly thought otherwise.

i'm so upset, i cant sleep at all.
anyone good or bad please give your opinions.

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2sugarsagain · 24/01/2008 05:14

What did he say gave him the impression you had left him? To be honest, it doesn't sound promising. You poor love. How old is he? How old is your dc? How long have you been together? How is he with dc?

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babylove21 · 24/01/2008 05:20

i was in a pervious relationship for 13 years of whom i have two grown up children with. We have argued about that because he thinks they dont care about me and why do i jump when they call etc and he thought he was not being put first so a couple of times before that when we rowed i said i had had enough.
We had rowed that night before i went but i did say where i was going and i would be back that night so i think it was just an excuse because i was back and spoke with him on the phone at 11.30pm and he was not home until gone 2am.

I am pregnant with his child.He is 18.

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Egypt · 24/01/2008 05:20

oh dear, he sounds very immature. how old is he?

unlikely to change until he is older i would say, (and then maybe not). does not seem in the real world and the reality of having a baby has so not hit him yet. When it does he may find it v v hard to adjust his clubbing/flirty/young lifestyle.

it's up to you but its easy for me to say forget him. you're worth more than this surely? so is your baby.

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Egypt · 24/01/2008 05:21

crossed posts. sorry.

omg. he is just a kid himself. there is no way you can expect commitment and responsibility from him. no way. sorry.

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babylove21 · 24/01/2008 05:23

thanks, you have confirmed what i already thought, you just dont get to pick who you fall in love with. I've really set myself up this time

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Egypt · 24/01/2008 05:28

oh i'm so sorry babylove21.

i have been there too, a million times, but not expecting a baby too. did you plan it together? did he want to be a dad?

i have a cousin who met a woman about 20 years his senior when he was 16!! they had a baby a couple of years later. they are still together around 8 years on. he took her on and her her 3 other kids. BUT, he was not the clubby, flirty kid. he was so very mature for his age. your guy simply does not seem that way, and tbh, mostly every 18 yeard old guy isn't.

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babylove21 · 24/01/2008 05:34

Thank you for your kind words. Thats the worst part, i agonised over this baby but he was so adamant it was what he wanted more than anything that i gave in to his wishes.
Dont get me wrong he still wants it all.... but i realise now that all perhaps means more than just me and this baby.

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2sugarsagain · 24/01/2008 05:39

BL, are you able to contemplate a life without him, or did you think that he was the one?

I've come across plenty of women, at dds nursery, now at their school, who say 'Ah, it's always just been XXX and me'. Successful, happy women.

And I'm always amazed by the inner resourcefulness of people on MN who've been in the same boat as you and made the break.

Someone will be along later with better advice, in the meantime do try and get your head down. x

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babylove21 · 24/01/2008 05:44

I thought he was the one for me

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2sugarsagain · 24/01/2008 05:53

What's the situation vis a vis the home you're sharing? Do you have family close by that you can talk to? Are you working, or are you on ML?

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2sugarsagain · 24/01/2008 05:54

Sorry, I just reread your first post. When is your baby due?

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babylove21 · 24/01/2008 14:04

hiya sugars, i am working but finish in a few weeks. dont get ML as am self employed and not paid enough NI
Baby due in the spring.

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mumof2fabkids · 26/01/2008 23:35

Hi babylove, he's just a kid himself, a kid having a kid. If he's that immature that he thought you'd left him cos he couldn't phone you, imagine what he'll be like when the baby comes, plus he's already jealous of your other kids. Just look into the future, the next 12 months say and think of what it's going to be like. Only you can say that he's the one, but he sounds like most 18 year old lads, selfish, immature and horny as hell, whereas you are obviously the opposite, you need a man not a boy in this situation. Keep posting if you need support, take care, you sound really nice and don't deserve this.

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