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Reported H to Social services...now what?

(671 Posts)
sleepingwiththeenemy Sat 19-Jan-08 16:24:12

Hi, I have other threads about what has led up to this, but now I am away from Ex H. have moved counties and started new life with the children following years of emotional and sometimes physical abuse. Because of his history of mental health problems, long stays in psych hospitals and suicidal tendencies I have pretty much 'disappeared' - he has no idea we've left or where we are.
On xmas eve DD disclosed some things to me relating to the time H used to take her into the bath with him...things which sound very much like he masturbated in front of her...she described an erect penis, he told her not to tell Mummy etc. I asked NSPCC for advice and they said in their opinion it is hughly likely that sexual abuse has taken place; that she is using sexualised language and behaviour far beyond her years and said I had to report it as if I tried to use it later to prevent contact my motives would be questioned.
So I phoned social services and they immediately informed the police. So now I have to wait to hear from the police.
What happens now? Has anyone any experience of this? I am terrified as he will be furious, absolutely livid when he is questioned. But I feel that children should always be believed and I have no reason to think she would or could make it up. Previosuly I caught him looking at porn with her - pretty hard core stuff (anal, oral, lesbian and group images).
I really do believe he will come after me - the NSPCC have told me that there is unlikely to be a conviction because of DDs age - the courts wouldn't put her through the ordeal so he'll be free to come after me. He has threatened many times to snatch her, and told me I'll never see her again.
Any advice?

LittleNoona Wed 03-Jul-13 17:13:40

Hope all is ok sleeping - please update when you can x

Jokat Wed 08-May-13 17:08:20

Dear sleeping, I'm also anxiously waiting for an update. I hope you are ok!

buildingmycorestrength Thu 25-Apr-13 12:18:12

Hi sleeping hope all well. Thinking of you.

notsoevilstepmum Mon 22-Apr-13 20:58:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

How are you sleeping? Any word from the solicitor?

sleeping, i really hope you're ok.

dawntigga Thu 18-Apr-13 12:51:28

sleeping thought of you today, how's it going?

WandersOffToDoSomeWorkTiggaxx

sleepingwiththeenemy Sat 13-Apr-13 15:38:17

dawn that sounds horrendous, I'm sorry you had to go through that. The constant looking over your shoulder is exhausting isn't it?

Jux I'm really looking forward to it; we're going for dinner first so a nice evening out, it's been a while since we went out, just the two of us (I have felt wary of leaving the DC, even though DD1 is 18, given the circumstances, but DD1's boyfriend is coming over so she said she'll feel safer with him in the house...he's 22.) I so need a night out.

Had a letter from solicitor this morning, just confirming that I am entitled to legal aid, and setting out the procedure in the event of him pursuing this. But there has been no mention of a reply from him after my solicitor told him I would not agree to contact. So still in limbo really.

I see there has been another mother found dead with her 2 children, in Ruislip this time. No mention yet of who may have done it, but it scares me every time I read something like that.

Hope you're all well x

Jux Wed 10-Apr-13 15:54:27

Enjoy DB. I can never decide whether I'd like to see him or would run a mile!

dawntigga Wed 10-Apr-13 12:55:25

sleeping I am not saying that my experience in ANYWAY mirrors your own, it doesn't. I did have a stalker of the knife-against-your-throat-in-the-living-room variety so I have some idea what it's like to live with that level of paranoia, it never really leaves and I've changed my name twice since then and moved 8 times. However, I absolutely refuse to live my life in fear of what might be, I'm able to do this due to distance from the time it took place and the precautions taken since then.

HopingThisAllWorksOutForYouTiggaxx

sleepingwiththeenemy Wed 10-Apr-13 10:42:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

buildingmycorestrength Wed 10-Apr-13 10:33:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sleepingwiththeenemy Wed 10-Apr-13 10:11:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dawntigga Wed 10-Apr-13 09:06:47

De-lurking on this thread to say, I've been thinking of you and hope that you're doing well today.

buildingmycorestrength Wed 10-Apr-13 08:13:36

Hey sleeping...how are you? Hope all well.

candodad Fri 05-Apr-13 21:15:08

Well thats my afternoon and evening gone reading this thread.

Would like to say hang on in there and stay strong. Think as this as a positive, for every day that goes by when you hear nothing. Its another day closer to you DD being more able to say she isnt interested in the rapist, fiddling pillock that was her sperm donor.

Just one blokes opinion but I think you have been really strong throughout all this.

Jokat Fri 05-Apr-13 16:53:32

Hey sleeping, I've read all your threads on this and check your thread daily for any news. Am here waiting with you. It must be just awful being surrounded by so much uncertainty, your nerves must be wrecked sad
You are amazing and I wish you and your wonderful children and partner the very best. I hope you get some (reassuring) info soon. Sending lots of strength your way x

Jux Fri 05-Apr-13 16:52:29

Understand too. Thanks for update.

Hope you sleep better tonight.

buildingmycorestrength Fri 05-Apr-13 13:39:19

I can understand that! Have been thinking about you but don't want to pester.

sleepingwiththeenemy Fri 05-Apr-13 13:24:20

I thought about that building but then I might hear something I don't want to hear! At least I am living in blissful ignorance (waiting notwithstanding) at the moment and can almost believe everything is normal.

buildingmycorestrength Fri 05-Apr-13 13:16:35

Hi sleeping good to hear from you. smile.

Could you call solicitor for a quick update? Waiting is awful.

sleepingwiththeenemy Fri 05-Apr-13 12:34:09

Hello all

Just thought I'd log in and fill you in.

Well, have heard nothing at all re: exH, which is weird. I've not heard from my solicitor since my meeting with her on 18th March, I don't know if she wrote to his solicitor as she said she would. It's horrible, like waiting for the executioner's axe to fall. Every morning I'm scared to look on the doormat in case there is a letter saying I have to go to court. Whilst it's lovely not having to deal with anything atm, it's also unnerving iyswim?

I had a horrible nightmare about him last night, that he came back and wanted/expected to get back together with me...then he stalked me, sent me photo albums, wrote a phrase (I can't remember what it was) over and over, a million times on the inside covers of the albums...it was so real, and when I woke up DP had already left for work. He sent me a text saying that he loves leaving me sleeping and cosy, but I hate waking up after a nightmare alone. I didn't sleep well last night, there was a lot of noise outside which I know was the neighbour but it still gets all the senses on alert just the same, so I couldn't quite settle.

God it's nice to see some sunshine!

Hope you're all well

x

sleepingwiththeenemy Sat 30-Mar-13 12:34:19

Hi all

Well, not sure reporting next door to the RSPCA was worth it tbh. I got a voicemail from them telling me that they had visited, and neighbour has promised to take the dog to the RSPCA (how is he going to afford that???) and that with their support all is fine. End of. Oh well, next time he is beating the dog at 1am I'll just ignore it shall I?

As for me, I've only just managed to crawl out of bed. I suffer with really debilitating back problems but last night DP came up behind me and cuddled me, I jumped out of my skin and my back jarred and my leg gave way! I said I'd pay for it this morning and I am! It feels like my spine is about to snap every time I move. So a day on the settee is in order methinks grin

It's snowing here again, can't believe it!

Jux Fri 29-Mar-13 20:35:06

Yes, you are a lovely person.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Fri 29-Mar-13 19:48:53

sleeping

You are a lovely, lovely person.

You have all this shit going on in your own life, and you are worrying about your neighbour and your dog!

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