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Reported H to Social services...now what?

(671 Posts)
sleepingwiththeenemy Sat 19-Jan-08 16:24:12

Hi, I have other threads about what has led up to this, but now I am away from Ex H. have moved counties and started new life with the children following years of emotional and sometimes physical abuse. Because of his history of mental health problems, long stays in psych hospitals and suicidal tendencies I have pretty much 'disappeared' - he has no idea we've left or where we are.
On xmas eve DD disclosed some things to me relating to the time H used to take her into the bath with him...things which sound very much like he masturbated in front of her...she described an erect penis, he told her not to tell Mummy etc. I asked NSPCC for advice and they said in their opinion it is hughly likely that sexual abuse has taken place; that she is using sexualised language and behaviour far beyond her years and said I had to report it as if I tried to use it later to prevent contact my motives would be questioned.
So I phoned social services and they immediately informed the police. So now I have to wait to hear from the police.
What happens now? Has anyone any experience of this? I am terrified as he will be furious, absolutely livid when he is questioned. But I feel that children should always be believed and I have no reason to think she would or could make it up. Previosuly I caught him looking at porn with her - pretty hard core stuff (anal, oral, lesbian and group images).
I really do believe he will come after me - the NSPCC have told me that there is unlikely to be a conviction because of DDs age - the courts wouldn't put her through the ordeal so he'll be free to come after me. He has threatened many times to snatch her, and told me I'll never see her again.
Any advice?

cestlavielife Wed 27-Mar-13 15:54:37

when you DO get to see gp, and assuming gp knows full story, ask GP to put a marker on your file so that when you call up receptionist will see that you to get an appt urgently and with specific GP (s), without asking more questions!

good luck.

sleepingwiththeenemy Wed 27-Mar-13 16:04:10

No, not able to get an apt today, I will try for tomorrow. Pains have stopped, but if they reappear I will go to hospital.

Cestlavie can you do that? I didn't know that.

buildingmycorestrength Thu 28-Mar-13 08:15:08

Hope you made an appt at your strangely unavailable doctor?

sleepingwiththeenemy Thu 28-Mar-13 10:52:00

Good morning. No, I took a sleeping tablet last night as I knew I wouldn't sleep and have only just woken up. Bloody bad timing as it's the long weekend and the surgery won't be open again til Tuesday. Still, if I feel bad I will go to a&e.

x

buildingmycorestrength Thu 28-Mar-13 11:00:20

Okay, well done knowing you need to go to A&E if it is bad. Hope you are doing okay today.

Jux Thu 28-Mar-13 11:57:25

Do look after yourself, sleeping.

Well done for reporting to RSPCA. I was going to suggest it, but then thought you had rather a lot on your plate, atm. I'm glad you did it, that poor dog's life sounds miserable. I think it's done anonymously, though, isn't it? When they go round, I mean.

oldnewmummy Thu 28-Mar-13 12:55:18

I've just read through this whole saga, from the beginning.

Nothing useful to add, other than to agree with all the others that you are amazing. I'll be thinking of you and keeping everything crossed.

sleepingwiththeenemy Thu 28-Mar-13 16:30:59

Hi ladies, I'm feeling good today thanks, apart from an annoying cough that won't go away. I put on some war paint and took DD2 into town and we bought loads of baking stuff, so are going to spend a happy few hours making cakes and biscuits grin. I'm no baker though - I can cook really well but baking? Nah.

When I got home DD1 said that next door's dog had been out in the garden and has really bad diarrhoea. She said she is just skin and bones, and looks like a stray dog. I haven't heard anything about/from the RSPCA yet, but I've done what I can so it's in their hands now.

Jux yes, I thought the same but couldn't just let her suffer like that.

oldnew thankyou, that means a lot.

x

HansieMom Thu 28-Mar-13 20:31:59

Perhaps you can call the RSPCA and tell them the dog is being starved?

StitchAteMyEasterEggs Thu 28-Mar-13 20:53:07

Hi sleeping, good to hear you have had a better day today. I am sure your dd enjoyed the baking, whatever the result smile

What a lot you have had going on. Well done for calling the RSPCA, poor dog sad

Great to hear fort knox is in place, must be reassuring.

When you go to GP see if you can get a referral for counselling. It sounds like you want/feel ready to talk about what you went through.

Repunsal Fri 29-Mar-13 08:25:07

Sleeping, I have been reading your thread with interest and feel nothing but awe for the remarkable way you are handling the awful things that have happened to you and your family. You are an inspiration to your children.

One thing that has been niggling me though is your neighbour and his appalling treatment of the dog, I know you have a lot on your plate but do you think you could possibly ring RSPCA again if nothing comes of it I just can't stop worrying about that poor animal. Any kind of animal cruelty really makes my blood boil.

sleepingwiththeenemy Fri 29-Mar-13 12:37:53

Hi all, yes I am going to follow up my report to them today. It's horrible, because I actually like this guy and when he's well he's lovely, but he's so so scary when he's in a rage which seems to be getting worse, and the fact that he doesn't even recognise that he's 'lost the plot' worries me. if they take the dog off him then I will feel guilty as she is his only company. But at the same time I can't allow that treatment to go on. I have a big, soft lumbering Labrador who is fussed and spoiled ridiculously, and I'd hate to think of anyone mistreating him so it really upsets me to see what he does to his dog.
This guy's life is a mess. he told me he's surviving on just fried bread every day as he can't afford to eat, has no gas or hot water, heats the house using the electric oven. If he can't afford to feed himself then what's he giving the dog? His mother is in a psych hospital long term, and he has little contact with his family.

Looking forward to easter sunday grin. we do an easter egg hunt every year; I write poems as clues and the kids have to solve them to find the next lot of eggs. Even though 2 of the DC are 18 and 16 they still love it. I'll put bunny footprints all over the house, and they have to make easter baskets before they can start hunting. Silly I know but we love it. And that's what makes me mad about HIM...DD2 has an innocent loving life, rebuilt after what he did and now he wants to come back in and ruin her all over again. It scares me so much.

Anyway, I'll let you know about the dog

x

sleepingwiththeenemy Fri 29-Mar-13 12:42:14

Just to add I have now updated the RSPCA on the dog situation. I will let you know what happens.

Jux Fri 29-Mar-13 13:47:02

Oh, you are completely wonderful, sleeping! I am so jealous of your egg hunt. i tried to do that with dd when she was little, but dh poo-pooed it and spoilt it (we were in a very bad place emotionally back then, and I was seriously ill) so the big EE Hunt never got off the ground. sad

HansieMom Fri 29-Mar-13 13:47:09

Thank you re the dog! I kept thinking of the poor animal yesterday. It is like a prisoner, cannot help its own self. What a terrible situation for it. I hope the RSPCA acts quickly now.

sleepingwiththeenemy Fri 29-Mar-13 14:41:36

Jux yes, ex would have spoilt it, but we didn't start until I was on my own with the DCs...and because it was something we did that signalled our 'freedom' it's stayed really important to all of us. When I was with exH we weren't even allowed to talk at the table, food had to be eaten in silence, so no way could we do something as frivolous as an egg hunt! Last night dinner took about 2 hours to eat because I had DP, myself, 3 Dcs and DD1's boyfriend here; and it was fabulous because there was so much laughter and noise...times like that are so precious to me because life was so different and clinical and cruel back then that I want life now to be easy going and fun.

I'm sorry to hear you were ill though, are you ok now?

Hansie That's how I look at it, that neighbour has a choice (not about his illness but about his medication/care) but the dog has no voice at all and no one to look out for her. She doesn't even yelp when he hits her anymore.

RoomForASmallOne Fri 29-Mar-13 14:49:11

sleeping

Just read the thread.....

Jesus, you are amazing smile

Repunsal Fri 29-Mar-13 15:03:57

Sleeping thankyou so much you are a truly wonderful person!

I hope you and your family have a lovely peaceful Easter weekend and enjoy the egg hunt!

Jux Fri 29-Mar-13 15:42:42

Oh no, that last sentence of yours, sleeping, made me wince and almost made me cry! So, so glad you reported.

I have ms, but am much better atm than I was then - I could barely stand up at the time, let alone organise EE Hunts, but hey! I tried grin

delilahlilah Fri 29-Mar-13 16:24:16

It may be better to speak to social services, as it sounds like his mental health is sliding and could do with some help. Just raise concerns, am sure you can do so anonymously.

sleepingwiththeenemy Fri 29-Mar-13 19:46:16

Delilah yes that was something I was considering. He said he has carers but I've never seen them. His dad is supposed to be one of them but I have only seen him in there twice in about 6 months. He has no job, no money, no heating or hot water...he's not eating, he hasn't paid the rent. he suffers from bi polar, adhd and severe insomnia among other things. I think he has been left with no support and he clearly needs it.

Jux I'm sorry to hear about your ms, that must have been a shock. I'm glad you are feeling ok at the moment, long may it continue!

Repunsal Thankyou, I've said before on here that I am just doing what any other mum would do...I am trying to right the wrongs that have been done to my DC, mostly as a consequence of my own bad bad choices. I know any of you would do the same.

Hope you all have a lovely weekend.

x

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Fri 29-Mar-13 19:48:53

sleeping

You are a lovely, lovely person.

You have all this shit going on in your own life, and you are worrying about your neighbour and your dog!

Jux Fri 29-Mar-13 20:35:06

Yes, you are a lovely person.

sleepingwiththeenemy Sat 30-Mar-13 12:34:19

Hi all

Well, not sure reporting next door to the RSPCA was worth it tbh. I got a voicemail from them telling me that they had visited, and neighbour has promised to take the dog to the RSPCA (how is he going to afford that???) and that with their support all is fine. End of. Oh well, next time he is beating the dog at 1am I'll just ignore it shall I?

As for me, I've only just managed to crawl out of bed. I suffer with really debilitating back problems but last night DP came up behind me and cuddled me, I jumped out of my skin and my back jarred and my leg gave way! I said I'd pay for it this morning and I am! It feels like my spine is about to snap every time I move. So a day on the settee is in order methinks grin

It's snowing here again, can't believe it!

sleepingwiththeenemy Fri 05-Apr-13 12:34:09

Hello all

Just thought I'd log in and fill you in.

Well, have heard nothing at all re: exH, which is weird. I've not heard from my solicitor since my meeting with her on 18th March, I don't know if she wrote to his solicitor as she said she would. It's horrible, like waiting for the executioner's axe to fall. Every morning I'm scared to look on the doormat in case there is a letter saying I have to go to court. Whilst it's lovely not having to deal with anything atm, it's also unnerving iyswim?

I had a horrible nightmare about him last night, that he came back and wanted/expected to get back together with me...then he stalked me, sent me photo albums, wrote a phrase (I can't remember what it was) over and over, a million times on the inside covers of the albums...it was so real, and when I woke up DP had already left for work. He sent me a text saying that he loves leaving me sleeping and cosy, but I hate waking up after a nightmare alone. I didn't sleep well last night, there was a lot of noise outside which I know was the neighbour but it still gets all the senses on alert just the same, so I couldn't quite settle.

God it's nice to see some sunshine!

Hope you're all well

x

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