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Relationships

Need to rant about how dh is regressing under influence of his visiting twattish friend

12 replies

phdlifeneedsanewlife · 20/11/2007 12:55

We have friends visiting from overseas atm and for complicated reasons the long-suffering dw has had to go away, leaving her dh and ds (7) with us.

I will not go into all the reasons that I think her dh is a twat, he just is. But he is one of my dh's oldest friends and I do feel sorry for the child, so I am not going to tell them to get stuffed (as I would dearly like to).

But my dh has started acting like a twat too. Eg. last night their ds spilled his dinner - most of it onto the mat put down under our lo's highchair. My dh told him to pick it up, count of 10. (I was at this point - his mother was already helping him clean up ffs!) Kid did it, but whining, so dh mocked him - I said cut that out, his friend said "no it's okay I mock him all the time", I said, "it's your child", my dh says, "mocking privileges have been granted, I'll do it if I like". By which time I was . Kid was so embarrassed he refused dessert because he "didn't want another accident"!

Later I call him to help me put our lo to bed - he tries to leave so he can play a game with their ds. I say, no, our family comes first - he says "I'm just trying to make up for before." Later still in private I said, would you like your friend making fun of our ds, if he was upset? Well then why do it to their ds? He said he guessed he expected 7yo boys to have their shit together better. I said it was an accident, fgs. He said sorry (to me, but not to the kid). I said, and why are you taking the piss when I tell you you're being too hard on the child? He just shrugged - think he started to realise what he'd sounded like at this point.

But he has also invited them around tonight (without checking with me first) so he can take them out (also without checking with me), which would sort of be fine if I thought he'd given two seconds' thought to dinner for the kid or us for that matter. Does he think I'm going to stay in, put the baby to bed, and have the hoovering done a bow in my hair and a hot meal ready for when they get back?? Would sirs like cocktails first? And will the gentlemen be retiring for brandies afterwards, or can I go to bed?

AND this is while me and ds have both been ill.

All this is on top of a background of the past few months me saying, I am not getting enough of a break with childcare/housework - because dh is studying in the evenings - yet when his friend's around he's sitting in here chatting to them and giving me lip, not helping, so I know I am over-reacting (but only a little ).

I guess what's worst is, I really like my dh, 90% of the time he's helpful and friendly and supportive, and he is working extremely hard atm. But every once in a while, usually when some other bloke is around, he just has a big attack of being a chauvinist shit-for-brains, like he has to show who's boss. Wtf is that all about?

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Baffy · 20/11/2007 15:35

No advice really just wanted to give you some {{{hugs}}}

Sounds like he's acting like a child himself - almost 'showing off' in front of his mate.

I'd try not to let it get to you too much. If they're visiting from overseas and he wants to spend time with them, then I'm afraid you may just come across as a nagging wife if you complain too much as he probably won't listen.
Just make life easy for yourself as much as you can. Get him to pay for a take away for tea tonight for starters! and make sure he does a lot of making it up to you once they've left!

That poor little ds when he dropped his dinner
Perhaps dh can start making things up to you by making a big fuss of the little boy tonight and making sure he feels welcome and happy at your home. Then he can help you put your lo to bed. Then he can have a nice evening with his friend...

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phdlifeneedsanewlife · 20/11/2007 15:46

thanks baffy

they are both acting like children, you're quite right

we had takeaway on saturday, I was thinking he could make it up to me by cooking tonight.

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phdlifeneedsanewlife · 20/11/2007 20:40

okay I've realised that quite a lot of it is, I'm just hurt that he can take time off from his studies for these people, but when we agreed not to get a dvd on Friday night so we could spend some quality time togehter, he spent it with his nose in a book.

that and the whole, being taken for granted thing.

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phdlifeneedsanewlife · 20/11/2007 21:01

that and it's 9pm and they're still out and they didn't say when they'd be back but dh has said he would cook dinner.

now let me see, was it 2 nights ago, or only 1, that he said "we must eat earlier"?

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AngharadGoldenhand · 20/11/2007 21:20

He's being a right prat.

Sit him down tomorrow and have a heart to heart with him? I presume he won't be in a fit state to do it tonight.

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Amethyst8 · 20/11/2007 21:39

Showing Off I call it. When DH is like this in front of his friends and family, I tell them "He is Showing Off because you are here" He is always mortified and I may get a filthy look but he does seem to calm down afterwards.

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phdlifeneedsanewlife · 21/11/2007 08:29

oh that's brill amethyst, I might use that

he was on best behaviour last night when he did come in and we had quite a good talk. In the end it turned out to be a good thing for him to go out, I just wish he'd talked about his plans with me first.

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PrincessSnowLife · 21/11/2007 08:38

when I saw the thread title I just knew it was yours phd

going to go back and read the thread now...

PS - Jump on a plane, bring GCSE over to see 'real' snow and get away from it all for a week. Really.

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moondog · 21/11/2007 08:41

lol lol Amethyst

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MamaG · 21/11/2007 08:43

Amethyst thats brilliant

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PrincessSnowLife · 21/11/2007 08:50

Maybe... he works so much and doesn't get out enough in his day-to-day life and he's acting up (showing off ) now because he has a rare opportunity to socialize?

I'm liking Amethyst's solution
lol

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PrincessSnowLife · 21/11/2007 08:56

how many more days left?

you could strike them off with glee on a calendar every evening, making sure the twatface visitor sees you do it!

and write in PARTY! on the day after they leave

little things can be so satisfying!

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