"so doesn't he have someone waiting in the wings" WTF!!!

[Sixer]

DP said this to me on saturday, after having a chat about my DB and his current split from DW. I was shocked, angry that such a thing could be suggested and couldn't help turning this comment back on my DP. What would you think? am I over reacting, was it just one of those silly comments people make?

[CodDickinson]

oh i htink your dp has hit the nal on the head

[Carmenere]

It is not an unreasonable assumption tbh. Most men leave relationships to be with someone else.

[Baffy]

Yes I think it's a pretty fair comment. A lot of people do only have the courage to leave one relationship when they know they have somewhere (or someone!) to go to.

It's a cowards way out. Easier to leave and fill up your time with someone new, than to face up to your problems and leave for the right reasons.

[turquoise]

Men rarely leave a relationship without someone else lined up IME.

[Sixer]

he didn't leave the relationship. She has a history of affairs and pushed and pushed. until eventually was a difficult woman to live with. TBH it is more likely her that has someone waiting in the wings. I'm concerned my dp came out with this. It started me thinking "why? do you". It's very difficult to understand as there is no way i would have someone waiting in the wings. That's awful.

[MellowMa]

Message withdrawn

[MellowMa]

Message withdrawn

[Carmenere]

Well maybe in that case it would be a good thing if he did.
It is not an unreasonable thing to say and you are overreacting, give your dp a break.

[Dior]

Message withdrawn

[Baffy]

Obviously doesn't sound like your DB has left for this reason. She sounds like a nightmare.

It is awful to think of it, but it's so true in so many cases. My h said he had been unhappy for a while in our relationship. Funny that he only actually left me when he knew he had a 19 year old waiting to comfort him!

[wannaBe]

you are overreacting.

The others are right, men rarely leave unless they have somewhere to go.

And even if she pushed him to it, then would it be so bad if he had somewhere (someone) to go to?

[NappiesLaChristmasGit]

sixer, i see exactly what youre saying. i would feel utterly irked too if my dp's natural assumption about a man whose relationship is not going well was that hed have someoen waiting in the wings. and yes, i would think that if thats what he thinks is normal, maybe hes got that in mind for himself, or would do if things got rough with us.

[Sixer]

No, no, i really haven't been clear as usual. I know, his ex knows everybody knows my DB definitely hasn't got, had or has waiting another woman or man in the wings. The marriage fell apart for many reasons. My db decided to forgive and try to for her affair 5 years ago. I take my hat off to him, this i think is a very difficult thing to do. He i know was fed up with the nagging, constant cleaning, controlling etc. He hasn't got very big cojones TBH. She was fed up doing EVERYTHING and him always working away (which he now says he did to keep out of her way). So I hope you can take my word when I say I know he definitely does not have some one waiting.
My concerns now are that my DP suggested it, where did that come from? maybe i am over reacting, however knowing i have been neglecting my own DP (serious lack of libido), is now starting to take it's toll.

[Dior]

Message withdrawn

[Carmenere]

I suggest that this has nothing to do with your db and everything to do with your relationship with your dp. I would also imagine that as he has mentioned 'having someone in the wings' that he probably doesn't, surely it would be an incredibly reckless thing to say if he did. As almost everyone has said here, it is not as if it is an unusual occurance.

I would talk to him about your concerns (without making random accusations).

[mumblechum]

I agree with MMJ.

[NappiesLaChristmasGit]

i say it agin, i would have exactly the same worry as you sixer. the comment in itself would worry me.

otoh, overreaction or no, the ONLY way to know how he thinks/feels, is to talk to HIM about it. not us.

that you are feeling insecure in the relationship, msotly/partly due to a alck of libido. is it something you want help with? again, i can only think that talking to him is the only step forward.

it can only mean trouble whn we start deciding for others what they are thinking. is hard enough to know what we are thinking ourselves, without managing to read the minds of others. dont try. talk to him.

[harleyd]

oh dont be so paranoid

[wannaBe]

but the comment would only worry me if I was insecure about my own relationship.

So is this really about your db? or is this about your relationship? and do you have reason to think that your dp might decide to leave when he can line up someone else?

If so, I would seriously talk to him, go to relate if necessary, evaluate where your relationship is going and where you want it to go.

The comment itself is innocent, and very true in fact as most men do leave to go somewhere else.

[Sixer]

ok i'll take the slap on the wrist and accept i have been over reacting. Now after 2 days of avoiding each other, tail between legs i will apologise to dp for the huge row i created. Damn. I was so angry at the time, these arguements can very quickly escalate then the root comes out. It isn't a relationship without sex bla bla. oh well. Will try and feel sexy tonight, flick that on/off switch of mine to on, and take the bull by the horns.

[Carmenere]

Look Sixer many on here will tell you, me included, that even if you don't feel sexy, just give it a go and once you get into the swing of it you will remember how much fun it is. He will be delighted and you will feel closer to him.
And I do think he probably deserves a break, it was a fairly innocuous thing to say and probably didn't deserve a two day strop

[Sixer]

thanks all for bucking me up. A good kick up the jacksie from MN was needed

[MellowMa]

Message withdrawn

[Baffy]

Glad you took all of the comments so well

Your dp will be over the moon with an apology and all that extra effort... have a great night

On a serious note though, it does sound like you and him could do with a chat about your concerns too. When the time is right. But perhaps explain that you overreacted due to your own insecurities and discuss what you can both do to sort that out.