Do I give up then

[TLV]

Dh has left and he came last night to see dd, we ended rowing and things were said, he told me that we were not going to get back together, I spoke to him this morning (i didn't sleep at all) neither did he by the sounds of it, I asked to answer me honestly and asked if he loved me and he couldn't answer (good or bad sign?) my family are telling me to accept its over but part of me can't, we are going to talk properly at the weekend, I'm don't know how i'm coping what with the not sleeping, I did the thing were you write down why you can't sleep and I ended up with 3 long pages, so do i just give up or do I try to make it work (i've posted before so some of you will know my story) sorry for banging on about it

[ggglimpopo]

Relate might be a good idea - to be able to talk about either splitting (if he is determined to do so, then at least you can do so amicably) or ways that you could try to patch up the marriage if there was some hope.

How old are your children?

Good luck.

[TLV]

dd is 2.5, i'm doing relate alone at the moment coz he didn't want to go, I still see some hope, if its not sitting well with him the decision he's made then it must mean something

[TimeForMe]

Hi there

I am really sorry you are going through all this, it is obvious from your threads that your heart is broken and I really feel for you.

I will say though, that I feel you need to give your dh some space. I'm afraid that the more you push him, try to get him to commit to having feelings for you etc, the further away you will push him.

I can understand your real need to hear him say the things you want to hear, I really can but, I think the best thing you can do for your relationship is back off. Take a atep back and leave a space for your dh to come to you. You are more likely to get a positive response from him if you do this than if you continue to try force him into something he doesn't seem to want at the moment.

That doesn't mean to say it's over, it just means you are giving him time to miss you

[HappyWoman]

Good post TFM

Dont keep asking him for answers - he probably dosent have them either at the moment. The talking does need to happen but please dont plan it as it he will just feel attacked and get defensive.

I too have been there and my H left and i was devestated and like you couldnt sleep eat function and it becomes all consuming.

Hard as it is try and think about you at the moment - do something to make you feel better. Paint your toenails, have a lovely bath and try and feel good about something today. At my lowest i would make the effort to make contact with someone each day - even that was someone in the supermarket.

Is it possible to go for a walk together so that you are not in the house surrounded by memories. Dont be too intense and this is very hard try and enjoy the moments while you are together.

I really hope it works out for you but you are in for a rough ride so take care of yourself.

[Layla17]

I have posted before; I am going through the same thing as you but he has not left. The turning point for me was last weekend when I stopped trying to persuade him to stay and looking desperate and instead told him I wanted him to leave. The turn around was unbelievable. He is now begging me to let him stay and although he is still not saying that it will all work out, he is saying that we should try which is a big turn around.
My advice (not that it has worked long term for me yet) is to stop trying to persude him to come back, back off from him, don't make yourself available, don't beg him to talk and let him see you have your own life and can cope without him. That will make him think about what he is losing. It is very hard but try just for a week and see if the dynamics change.