Relationship help (porn mentioned)

[skyeangel]

I am new on here but I seriously could do with some help. Almost 2 years ago I found out that my DH had used Skype to talk to a woman in another country. I read all the history and they only chatted twice but had virtual sex with each other.

The marriage nearly ended but I forgave him as long as he promised to tell me everything in future. A couple of months later I walked in on him using porn he had down loaded more the once. It is not the porn that bothered me but the fact he did it behind my back and tried to hide it from me.

We have slowly rebuilt everything until this week when I have seen more porn sites in his laptop history (I had borrowed his laptop and was looking through the history for a site I had visited the week before.). He is denying it all this time and saying it is not him. He does not know how they got there etc.. I hate all the lies. The thing is I have no problem with porn use I just hate lying. So I just needed to get this out of my system and get some sort of relief from off loading to someone. Any replies would be appreciat4d.

[bubblagirl]

i dont really know what to say but i guess he may be embarrassed how about you suggest you watch it together that you have no problem with it but you have a problem with him doing it in secret

he obviously wasn't trying to hide it though or he would of deleted history he may be embarrassed or scared of upsetting you

[skyeangel]

He knows I have no problem with him watching it and we have watched it together. The thing that is bugging me is his denial. He thinks someone has hacked into our computer to watch porn. I mean yeah right. I am just worried that if he is lying about this, what else is he lying about. He works away from home a lot and could be getting up too anything. Why lie about it all?

[skyeangel]

Another thing he does normally delete his history because it is a works computer but had forgotten to do it for a couple of days.

[HappyDaddy]

He must feel guilty or he wouldn't lie. Especially if you've said that you don't mind him using it. Have you asked why he has to lie?

[skyeangel]

Oh yes, I have asked and he swears he is not lying and that he did not use the website's . Well if he did not I sure as hell do not know who else did.

[skyeangel]

OK, he has finally admitted it so I guess now I pack me and the kids bags and leave. He has been using webcams as well I think. God I hate men so much.

[fawkeoff]

are u ok hun....has he just this minute admitted it to you??

[kitsandbits]

You say you dont mind him using the porn, but its the lying.

But its a private thing, maybe he doesnt want to admit it to you - its not like hes having an affair.

Do you want him to make an announcement before he goes to relieve himself? Or tell you after?

Masterbation is a private thing.

I dont think its something you should pack your bags over

Hope u are ok x

[skyeangel]

Yes he is in work and we have been skyping. I asked him to swear on the kids lives and he admitted it.

[fawkeoff]

i dont really think he should have to declare to you every time he uses porn to have a wank.i know dp uses it either on the pc or watches the naught channel when im asllep but i dont care.i would not want to be aware that he was messin with himself on the pc while i was watchin telly in bed.i think you should re-consider your actions

[fawkeoff]

but i do understand that he has lied to you...he should have just said "yeah ive been on the porn" instead of bare faced lies

[skyeangel]

It is the lying. I only want him to admit that he uses porn. No major announcments just communication that it is something he likes to do. He can do it when ever just admit that it is something he would like to do. I feel that he is hiding a whole other personality from me.

[fawkeoff]

I understand that ur totally pissed off with the whole lying thing, but he may be ashamed to admit it to you.

[kitsandbits]

but hasnt he just admitted it to you?? you say thats all you want him to do .. admit it and not lie.

and he just has... so you are leavimg??

[skyeangel]

I just feel that I have wasted the last two years trying to get him to open up and talk about things. He is so emotionally stunted and I do not have the energy to work things out any longer. I was pregnant with our third child when he stayed up all night chatting to this girl about sex etc. After that we agreed on a relationship where we always told the truth so that the trust could rebuild. Everytime he lies it feels like he just does not care enough to work at the relationship.

[skyeangel]

He has lied about it for the past couple of days. He works away a lot so our relationship has to be built on trust. I just joked about finding the porn and he denied it. It may sound trivial to you but I just feel as if the trust issue is too big to ignore you know. This is not the first time after all,

[PhoenixSongbird]

Do you think he?s doing more than just watching porn, though? Do you think he might be ?chatting? to other women again?

[skyeangel]

I think deep down the thought that he is chatting again is killing me. I just cannot believe anything he says now you know. He is away in a hotel 3 nights a week anything could be happening.

[skyeangel]

The thing is I have given him 2 years to earn my trust again. I feel like no matter what I do it is never enough you know. He promised so many things were going to change and they have not.

[PhoenixSongbird]

You either trust him or you don'e simple as that. Clearly you don't, so you need to look at whether there's any future living like this. I'm guessing you think not

[PhoenixSongbird]

don't even

[skyeangel]

No, I do not see a future so I guess this is it. Shit, a single home educating mum to three and I do not know the first place to turn too.

[moopymoo]

this might sound like a glib answer but have you thought about relate? I really think some counselling might help (as i am a counsellor i would say that..)