I know I'm not supposed to stress about 'him'

[newlifenewname]

But I'm worried about xdp. Worried that he might not be okay, worried that he might be lying to me or manipulating me, just worried really.

We've been through a dodgy on/off sort of patch the last couple of weeks but essentially we are still separated due to his emotional abusiveness (v. occasionally physical) and in this time he has found someone else and has a fling going on with her and I've dated other people. He kept his stuff secret and we had big talks about the state of play and eventually decided last week not to try again (me and him). However, he crumbled a bit and we slept together twice.

We were still talking stuff through and it has been emotionally extremely tense. He was due to phone me on Thurs to confirm plans for the weekend of our son's birthday. He didn't call and then on Friday I got a text saying "sorry I'm running away from everything, I can't cope, I'm going to my dad's. So sorry". He hasn't seen his dad for 3 years and they weren't speaking.

I texted saying I was disappointed but understood that he needed some space. He texted back to say thanks for the support and asked me to check out a song by the Foo Fighters. I did and texted him back to say I was unsure what he meant, etc. and so on.

He texted once on DS2 birthday to ask when it was okay to talk to ds2. I texted back to say I'd call at a good moment. I did, he didn't answer and have heard NOTHING since. So, basically, he missed all of Ds2's b. day which is really not like exdp. I texted once today to ask if he was okay and he hasn't replied.

What do you think?

There is every possibility he is off with new flingette woman having a shagathon but very odd that he made no effort on ds birthday.

Should I worry?

[TotalChaos]

Is there anyone that ex stays reliably in touch with you can check with him on? I suppose a one day time lag in responding to texts doesn't sound that bad, but you know his history better than me. Would you feel better if you called police?

I'm more concerned about you - you seemed to have gone through a bad patch with your depression recently. and I wonder how far your on/off ness with your ex may be responsible for that.

[newlifenewname]

It's probably massively responsible along with the deep seated 'self' stuff. Thing is, his non-resposnse os freaking me out now and I dread there being a problem or for there to be awful stuff for me to deal with when he re-appears. I wasn't speaking to his family either so they may not communicate with me if he's asked them not to or is using 'being there' as a cover for soemthing else.

truly can't believe he missed ds birthday - he left presents which I've saved so he can open with his dad.

am pretty worried really.

[TotalChaos]

I would have hoped that if you were genuinely concerned and wanted to know if he had been in touch, his family would be prepared to reassure you. It sounds very stressful trying to re-establish a relationship under these circumstances with your ex. But of course since there are kids involved you can't just break off contact completely, which makes it hard to distance yourself.

I'm off to bed now, to an outsider, the fact that he texted you on DS2 birthday makes it a lot less worrying than if he had completely ignored it.

[newlifenewname]

Thanks TC - you're probably in bed now though!

[newlifenewname]

Hiya

Got your email. I've been super stressing today. Wanted to say that if you need a home at last minute for your Tabitha then I'd be happy to help until you are sorted.

Will email other stuff but suffice to say I'm very sorry to hear what a dilemma you have. How shit can it get huh?

[newlifenewname]

Awww, keep positive x

Really mean it about Tabitha so just say the word if you wind up stuck.

Have a good sleep - catch tomorrow.

Night!

[newlifenewname]

Awww, keep positive x

Really mean it about Tabitha so just say the word if you wind up stuck.

Have a good sleep - catch tomorrow.

Night!

[newlifenewname]

still nothing

[newlifenewname]

Sent another text this afternoon asking him to just let us know he's okay. No reply. Am v.worried now but don't want to be accused of histrionics if I start making checks and he's just avoiding me, oddly.

Help?

[newlifenewname]

Sent another text this afternoon asking him to just let us know he's okay. No reply. Am v.worried now but don't want to be accused of histrionics if I start making checks and he's just avoiding me, oddly.

Help?

[JeremyVile]

Cant you contact any of his friends or family?

[JeremyVile]

Even if you're not on best terms with them, they'd surely confirm he's ok or be pleased you've raised the alarm if somethings wrong?

Also, is his phone ringing or switched off?

[newlifenewname]

Well, if he's at his dad's as he claims then I will really piss everybody off if I phone there and he's just in hiding. We haven't spoken for years which is why I find it odd that he chose to go up there (Liverpool) I don't even have a number to hand for them so would have to majorly dig around.

Is all looking a little odd. Speshly as he was going to speak to ds on his birthday and then just disappeared and no word since.

[newlifenewname]

Re. your last comment, yes I'd agree but they are a very odd family and would probably delight in making me feel bad. If exdp is ignoring me then he will also be slagging me off probably as he doesn't like to take responsibility for our relationship breakdown and is also a clinically compulsive liar.

[JeremyVile]

Bloody hell - you're in a no win situation!

What's your gut instinct telling you?
Has he ever done a disappearing act before?

[newlifenewname]

He does indeed disappear - regularly and also takes overdoses at the same time. It won't be the first time I've been in this position at all. I just can't think why he'd be okay with me via text one minute and then gone the next on his son's Birthday.

If he really has gone to his dad's he'd have had to have been feeling really bad to do that and very alone. i know he was in an emotioal mess about 'us' before he went. He has never, ever used the children to get at me - he is, despite his many, many faults, above this sort of behaviour.

He was helping me decide which cake to make in our last few texts and I texted a picture of ds asleep at the time he turned 4 and he never responded to that.

I hate this - this is why we aren't together. Children are on and on at me about where he is.

[legalalien]

Just read this - you know what I'm going to say -that it's not your responsibility.

This might sound awful, but I suspect that the more you text, the more it encourages the behaviour. Don't text (in fact, I'd stop texting so much generally, it's just tempting fate).

Like totalchaos, I'm more concerned about you.

Are you doing anything this weekend? DH away for weekend so if not we could maybe meet up somewhere - I can take train!

[newlifenewname]

LA, I know and I have sent one text a day since he stopped communicating. Even before that I was only replyign to him apart from the picture text of M.

I know this is what he does and I was letting him get on with it but last night I suddenly had a recollection of the policeman coming to tell me Michael was dead after I'd though the just needed space. I probably don't see myself with Ade ever again but I would be distraught if Max were to lose him.

I never know what to do for the best in this situation.

I'd LOVE to escape thsi weekend and do something fun. Funds low but otherwise up for it. Thanks for thinking of me x

[2young2know]

i need real help im in well over my head here! i got married to a man 11yrs older than me n things were great but he turns on me out of the blue n im scared out of my wits!!! iv neva done anything 2 upset him i gave up everything for him. i dont moan i let him do anything he wants n he gets anything he wants. we have got a lil boy n my lil boy wont go to his own dad iv tried to get out of the relationship b4 n it didnt work, can any 1 giv me any advise?

[newlifenewname]

Is this from another thread 2young?

[2young2know]

dont know wot thread is. iv only joined 2day im just wantin advice.

[NorthernRockCod]

stop texting

2. the lyrics?
gorw up