Having lived with a compulsive liar and now being single would it be a bad idea to date someone who claimed...

[newlifenewname]

in a non flashy way at all, that his parents regularly had dinner with a number of v. significant parliamentary figures?

Just strikes me as an odd thing to mention but was in context I admit. He was responding to a question of mine about political stance.

Does this just make him a nobber?

[sleepfinder]

no but maybe you're not ready if you're stumbling over something so minor so early...

[hoolagirl]

Not necessarily if its true and it was in context.
You might just be overly wary due to your past experience.

[moonshine]

He may have been trying to impress you (albeit unsuccessfully) - give him another chance!

[Cammelia]

Can't see why this would be a lie?

[Leilel]

it sounds like hes trying to impress you with childish one-up-man-ship. Its quite a show stealer after all, shows hes got more 'worldly wise' experience of life (esp.various snobby aspects of it). It says 'listen to me, im clever/got connections, so there!'


On the other hand it is probably just bare faced lies (its too far fetched). Its easy to check up on, just ask his parents what its like having dinner with X, Y & Z (VIPs).

[edam]

Why would it be far-fetched? My parents used to see various MPs socially, they aren't all beneath the salt, you know!

And as NLNN says it's in context I don't think he should be ruled out on this basis alone.

[edam]

Mind you, don't think I've ever used 'my parents had dinner with such-and-such' as a chat up line.

[Desiderata]

Well, if I wanted to impress someone, I wouldn't spin the line he span you! Who the hell would want to have dinner with 'very significant parliamentary figures'?

No, he must be on the level.

[lou33]

lol desiderata

[newlifenewname]

Righto. I would like to say i amnot remotely impressed. Actually, I can say I'm not remotely impressed but what I cannot truthfully claim is that I am unaffected by the comment.

Despite everything I believe about society and relative value of experience/individuals/circumstance, (that may not make sense but I know what I mean ) my slightly battered self esteem is making me say "he won't be interested in a lone mother of 3, fresh out of a refuge, who waits in desperation for her benefit cheque most Tuesdays, will he?"

The other part of me which is the person that is talking and politics and Tennis club and Pony Club camp of my youth (he is into horses - no smirking - and I was very 'horsey' up until I had children so a shared and genuinbe interest) and who does have some sense of self worth, is thinking "this is not impressive, this is borderline snobbery/one up manship.

Finally there is the other side of me who had her life turned upside down by a manipulative and abusive liar...

All this over 1 date. I don't want to get things wrong, so I hope you don't mind the triviality here?

[newlifenewname]

Haven't actually been on a date with him yet - have just been emailing one another. I could quite love him by email but RL is another matter.

[harpsichordcarrier]

i don't think it is necessarily a bad idea, no. it sounds like he might have had an interesting childhood.
at the risk of stating the obvious, this isn't really about him but about you and your self esteem and you need to try and stop overanalysing
he likes you. and why not? you are likable.
you have things in common.
just take it slowly and try not to worry. (easy to say I know) and don't let one nob make you think all men are nobs. they aren't

[foxinsocks]

lol malory

you are thinking about this a lot! This is the danger of not meeting someone first I guess! You can't quite read the nuances - if he had said that to you (about his parents), he may have been saying it in a jokey way iyswim and you did ask the political question .

Could you try and regard it as a bit of fun? Just go out and enjoy yourself and try not to worry about whether it becomes anything more serious?

[Desiderata]

Well, I think you expressed yourself rather fabulously there, newlife.

I think (and I know you know this), that you just have to re-evaluate who you are right now, and what sort of man you want in your life. I don't think this is about him. It seems like you're caught between two worlds and you're trying to make sense of things.

I would take it easy. If your current state of mind has you, perhaps unwittingly, sneering at this man and his lifestyle, there's still no reason why you can't enjoy the odd date, with no emotional strings attached.

Will you go back to the Pony Club days of yore? Or, having been there, do you want a compromise. Naturally, you don't want to return to where you've been (refuge, etc)., but is this man representing the other extreme?

I don't know ... life is difficult.

Is he a good shag?

[Desiderata]

Oh, much went on during my long, tedious post. You haven't shagged.

Well, do that first. And then over-analyze

[newlifenewname]

I really appreciate the honest comments here so will read again properly after I've bathed dc. I am seeing the 'this about you not him' stuff though and think that I still have some 'work to do', shall we say!

Maybe I'll try a shag MT, or at least a snog. This could be a less complicated and less analytical approach for sure!

[newlifenewname]

xpost with Desi

[lou33]

snogging does actually make you decide if you are going to take it further or not , i think