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Its started again!!

8 replies

AufishFeQueen · 08/08/2007 12:24

I left my abusive ex husband back in October 2003 and after a couple of months ended up getting with a very good male friend, who I now live with. We ended up having to move from Cornwall as the ex husband was getting increasingly more and more abusive towards me. He was granted intitally staying contact for the children and we were to transport them down to Cornwall at the holidays. We did this for the first time in October 2004 and he had them for the week. He was told he wasn't to drink or to have any of the children in his bed. During this time we found out that this was happening. When the children were returned we found that they were covered in poo and wee and they were filthy. On advice from our solicitor we stopped staying visits. He was allowed phone contact, on which he would become abusive to me again, if he got the chance. He would also send me loads of texts. In the end we went to the police about the phone contact and the text and he ended up with a verbal warning from the police. Fast forward the next 2 years where we had a ongoing court battle, where he was first granted supervised visits and now unsupervised staying contact. He was according to the contact order due to have the children next Friday from 10 in the morning until Sunday at 4pm. He ended up calling us last Wednesday saying he was unable to make it as he hadn't passed his driving test and was there anyway we could help. We spoke it over and offered to drive the children down tomorrow to Bristol and his mother pick them up from there and she drove them the rest of the way as we were unable to keep to the orginal dates due to work commitments. So everything seemed fine until last night when I called him to ask if there was anything he wanted to pack for the children and he became abusive to me and then when my partner tried to talk to him to defuse the situation he became abusive towards him. He has started with the allegations that we are not looking after the children properly and all sorts of other stuff, for which within the CAFCASS reports we have had nothing but glowing reports. I really don't think I can handle this again as it was too stressful the last time we went through it. What would you do? and have you got any advice? TIA.

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pooka · 08/08/2007 12:26

Not been in this situation but it sounds appalling. Bumping it for you.

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AufishFeQueen · 08/08/2007 15:07

bump

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maisemor · 08/08/2007 15:29

Tell him that if the abusive telephone calls continue, all communication will have to be done in writing.

It sounds like he is just trying to take his miserable life out on you and blaming you for where he is with his life.

Do the children want to see him?

Pretty much just bumping for you here.

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AufishFeQueen · 08/08/2007 15:38

He's not allowed our address and all the solicitor work has been completed. I have sent him a text to his phone stating that he is not to abuse us any more and that he is now going to have to do all the transporting himself as stated in the contact order. If he doesn't like it tough, he agreed to it in court. I am not going to stand for his childish behaviour any more.

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LucyJones · 08/08/2007 15:42

How old are the children?
Will his mother be there the whole time to supervise?

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AufishFeQueen · 08/08/2007 16:33

The kids are 12, 11, 10 and 6. It is going to be supervised by his mother, but she isn't going to be there all the time. He really doesn't like the fact that I gained the strength to leave him and that I still have to do everything he says because he's 2 of the kids father. He was trying to tell me last night that I am to force my youngest child to call him dad and not my partner, even though my partner has bought him up since he was 2 and half and the x husband has had no contact for 2 and half years solid. It wasn't until his mother came over that he started proceedings to see the kids and missed so many of the contacts that had been arranged. When I told him no he became abusive towards me.

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Leilel · 10/08/2007 19:33

oh he sounds like a really vile pig. Its messed up that an abusive scum bag like your EX is allowed to terrorise you and abuse you even now.

I would haul it all back to lawyers. contact should be beneficial for the kids or whats the point? Sounds like hes using 'contact' that hes really not bothered about to continue to abuse you. I wounder if womans aid may have information that would be useful for you?

I would also suggest that you get a new sim for your phone, to stop the abusive phone calls (you can always keep the old sim, or port the old number over to a PAYG) Then you only need to check for messages from him when the contact session is nearly due. This will give you control back over your phone so he cant hurt you with it anymore

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AufishFeQueen · 11/08/2007 13:36

The phone that he uses is a PAYGO one that he had to provide as part of the contact order for him to have telephone contact with the kids. It is only switched on once a week for an hour and then turned off. He's not allowed my mobile number or home number as the courts saw him as nuisance! but still allow him to phone the kids, we told them he would do this and the courts refused to listen. I am no longer going to speak to him on the phone, but I still have to be present for the hand over of the kids to him on the contact dates, which is going to be really difficult as he's now being abusive to my partner. So we have to face him on Friday coming and then again on Sunday of next week. To say that I'm abit scared is an understatement. It's being done in a public place so if there is any trouble then its abit easier to prove it.